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Thread: Improve Your Writing Skills (New Thread)

  1. #81
    101 Dalmations Member angel_dreamer13's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    115
    actually, yes. I'm sorry, I forgot about the thread, but I have something short.

    ----------
    I saved you when you came to my door. I brought you inside with my arms over your head, trying to protect you from the lashing rain. I cared for you as one would care for a bird with broken wings, not capable of flying on its own. You repaid me by destroying me.

    I tried to struggle, alone, through the thick city air before finally collapsing on your doorstep, as helpless as you had once been. You did not glance at me, even once, before shutting the door in my face.

    You stole from me. You stole my trust, and my kindness. You stole my last scrap of hope as you turned your back on me. The coldness in your eyes which I glimpsed, only at the end, has been there all along, waiting for a chance to strike. I was to blind to see it.

    So, why do I pity you?
    ---------

    I feel depressed, I write depressing things. cause and effect.
    um, yeah. tear this apart.

  2. #82
    Fenn
    Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by angel_dreamer13 View Post
    actually, yes. I'm sorry, I forgot about the thread, but I have something short.

    ----------
    I saved you when you came to my door. I brought you inside with my arms over your head, trying to protect you from the lashing rain. I cared for you as one would care for a bird with broken wings, not capable of flying on its own. You repaid me by destroying me.

    I tried to struggle, alone, through the thick city air before finally collapsing on your doorstep, as helpless as you had once been. You did not glance at me, even once, before shutting the door in my face.

    You stole from me. You stole my trust, and my kindness. You stole my last scrap of hope as you turned your back on me. The coldness in your eyes which I glimpsed, only at the end, has been there all along, waiting for a chance to strike. I was to blind to see it.

    So, why do I pity you?
    ---------

    I feel depressed, I write depressing things. cause and effect.
    um, yeah. tear this apart.
    Interesting. Not too much to say since its pretty short. Don't be ashamed of writing what you feel either. Its a great emotional release. The bird metaphor is suitable but wordy. Its deep too, I wish there was more to it. I feel awfully bad for the narrator so you did something right.

  3. #83
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    49
    I liked the way you expressed and described his feeling like Fenn said. Really good (:

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