Improve Your Writing Skills (New Thread)

[Renzokuken]

Just a little snippet for opinions:

Life’s great but can be a total bitch at times, y’know? Like when your beautiful, caring girlfriend dumps you for some completely soulless douche that’s been your enemy since you were knee height. Or, or you have the entire school’s population of girls avoiding you because some prick said you were a chronic masturbator and whilst been caught in the act, you bled....Yeah.
I’m usually the go-to guy about these kind of situations (they have a problem, I help them stay strong through it; kinda like an Agony Uncle but less helpful). I apparently have incredibly good luck so maybe if they even breathe some of my air, my luck will rub off on them (or so they say).
They say every guy has a certain amount of luck when it comes to life. Women, money, grades and then one day it all stops, but not for me I’ve been lucky, lucky, lucky my entire life....Well until now, which is why I need you to listen so I can clear my head. But yeah, anyway, let me put it into perspective...Okay... Imagine a guy and he got up precisely at 6.15 a.m. as usual and showered for exactly 11 minutes. All time afterwards up until 7.00 a.m. was dedicated to preparing his clothes, his hair eating his breakfast, brushing his teeth, etc. Now imagine said male plays a couple of games for a bit to kill time till about 7.25 a.m. He then goes for his bag and leaves the house, saying bye to his parents, knowing of the 7.35 bus that runs by his house once every hour and a half. He his outside of his house at 7.30 a.m. and makes his way to the bus stop and sees it driving off up the hill. He stares for a while, a lone tear trickling down his cheek. It was early. He is now late. The bus route on foot takes about 50 minutes. He has to be in for 8.00 a.m. Sharp. There is only one thing that he can say at that moment.


“Argh....socks.”

So yeah, crits please.

[brain132]

I like the words that came out of him. Haha. I'm a bit drowsy right now, so the only I found to point out is:

They say every guy has a certain amount of luck when it comes to life. Women, money, grades and then one day it all stops but not for me, I’ve been lucky, lucky, lucky my entire life....Well until now, which is why I need you to listen so I can clear my head.

You have a grammar mistake. I think you need to put a comma after stops and a period after me. I think. I can't really think right now.

[Fenn]

Multipost...

[Fenn]

By the way Fenn, I thought of a new rule we could add since most people don't really post if they aren't assigned to. So I thought we could assign for someone to write a short story if three days go by without a story.

Sounds like a good idea.

Just a little snippet for opinions:

Life’s great but can be a total bitch at times, y’know? Like when your beautiful, caring girlfriend dumps you for some completely soulless douche that’s been your enemy since you were knee height. Or, or you have the entire school’s population of girls avoiding you because some prick said you were a chronic masturbator and whilst been caught in the act, you bled....Yeah.
I’m usually the go-to guy about these kind of situations (they have a problem, I help them stay strong through it; kinda like an Agony Uncle but less helpful). I apparently have incredibly good luck so maybe if they even breathe some of my air, my luck will rub off on them (or so they say).
They say every guy has a certain amount of luck when it comes to life. Women, money, grades and then one day it all stops but not for me, I’ve been lucky, lucky, lucky my entire life....Well until now, which is why I need you to listen so I can clear my head. But yeah, anyway, let me put it into perspective...Okay... Imagine a guy and he got up precisely at 6.15 a.m. as usual and showered for exactly 11 minutes. All time afterwards up until 7.00 a.m. was dedicated to preparing his clothes, his hair eating his breakfast, brushing his teeth, etc. Now imagine said male plays a couple of games for a bit to kill time till about 7.25 a.m. He then goes for his bag and leaves the house, saying bye to his parents, knowing of the 7.35 bus that runs by his house once every hour and a half. He his outside of his house at 7.30 a.m. and makes his way to the bus stop and sees it driving off up the hill. He stares for a while, a lone tear trickling down his cheek. It was early. He is now late. The bus route on foot takes about 50 minutes. He has to be in for 8.00 a.m. Sharp. There is only one thing that he can say at that moment.


“Argh....socks.”


So yeah, crits please.

Just a suggestion, don't put your story in quotes b/c when I try to quote it it doesn't come up. Just an ease of use thing, kinda nit-picky.

I liked it. Got to know the character very well, most people will relate to at least some part of it, conversational tone done fairly well. Me likey.

[Renzokuken]

Brain: Oh, snap. Thanks for the crit! I'll think I'll edit that now...

Fenn: Ah, alright, then. Thanks, man.

[brain132]

For all the members of this thread, I'm going to be making a voting thread of how we are going to do the posting order and such. Details will be in the thread.

[Fenn]

Is anyone else going to post? If not maybe I'll try tomorrow.

[brain132]

Its been decided to go back to the old posting order Fenn. Instead of going in no order, you need to make a list of your group and tell them when to go in that order. You can go ahead and post your own story though.

Edit: I love your new avatar by the way

[Fenn]

Its been decided to go back to the old posting order Fenn. Instead of going in no order, you need to make a list of your group and tell them when to go in that order. You can go ahead and post your own story though.

Edit: I love your new avatar by the way

Oh kay. Can I reset the order then? Post if you were in this group and I'll add you first-come, first-serve. Check beck and I'll post whose next.

[brain132]

I thought you already had an order...?