Working on a manga project for months, Advice/Ideas needed

[Ryousukethehappy]

Ive been working on my manga for a while but im not intirely happy about it heres a section of it(original scan):



And heres the one ive scanned and done some of on CS5 Photoshop:



I have started putting effect lines but i havent finished it.

I would really like some advise/ideas to better it thanks.

I just realised that i just posted my topic in the wrong section lol im going to link it from manga works...

[Ryousukethehappy]

If you cant see the pics heres the links to them:

[link='http://www.mangatutorials.com/index.php?do=/Sean_Long/photo/view/manga-project-original-copy/']http://www.mangatutorials.com/index.php?do=/Sean_Long/photo/view/manga-project-original-copy/[/link]


[link='http://www.mangatutorials.com/index.php?do=/Sean_Long/photo/view/manga-project-1-2/']http://www.mangatutorials.com/index.php?do=/Sean_Long/photo/view/manga-project-1-2/[/link]

[outlaw1422]

Well, I think it's still too early at this point. Hmm...even though they're brothers, they need to look more different from each other. Outrageously different hair or clothes maybe? I mean, unless they're twins lol.

What's the manga about? Besides sibling rivalry with swords lol.

[Ryousukethehappy]

i will scan the script once i find it mind you this is like half way into the book.

[JamesEckelmanJr]

I like it but it is a lot of text for me It sounds like a great story im sure but I am thinking i had a hard time reading it on the 2nd page but i read it a 2nd time and got it, I see the art is great reprinting it in the 2nd pic, so maybe you can use a TTF to do the words, was that your plan rite?


Its great!

[Ryousukethehappy]

well yea its a working progress,im still getting use to photoshop.oh yea my mate got me to do this for him so i did the txt like this heres the link:

http://www.mangatutorials.com/index.php?do=/Sean_Long/photo/view/james-manga-project-done-on-photoshop/

[Blue_Dragon]

I think it's looking pretty good so far (I do agree with the current suggestions, though.)

One thing I might suggest on the third panel, with the focus lines. Either make them go all around, or at least half way around the panel. It looks a little unfinished (which, I know the whole page isn't done, but I wasn't sure if all those panels were considered complete or not.)

I like how clean your lines are and the progression so far.

[Ryousukethehappy]

yea i know i havent finshed that just yet the effects take alot of time to do

heres the back story,thers still more i havent finshed the draft
(mind you i copyed this from the draft from my cell lol)

story of demon code:

Summary of demon code:
A war broke out between human
and vampire on the planet
Hexion.
before the war 70% of humans
were under threat by vampire
rebels. so the Hexion
government declared war on the
vampire rebels.
because of war inoccent
vampires and humans got
killed in result vampires ether
fled or got run off by the
Hexion government.

After escaping the vampires
found a new planet and named
it Zartei after the vampire god of
hope.the planet had never seen
daylight but rumour gos that
Zartei sees light every 1000 years
.after the vampires being run off
Hexion the new Zartei
goverment established a top
secret research facility dedicated
to destroying the human race.
after years of reseach the
vampires had finally developed
the most deadlyest super
weapon it wasnt a war machine
but a super solider capable of
taking down nearly anything in
its path.the only few weaknesses
was the user would go rouge
and destroy anything including
its allys meaning it would be
extremely hard to control his/her
urges.
the project was named demon
code, when testing the project
the test subject went completely
rouge and in the end the subject
completely destroyed the facility
and then killed himself.
after the test being a complete
failure the project was
abandoned and the facility was
put under lock down and anyone
who was caught trespassing
would be shot. later that year
both the Hexion and Zartei
governmets signed a peace
treaty shortly after the war. 30%
of vampires returned to Hexion
45% of vampires stayed on
Zartei and the remaining
vampires who really hated the
humans created the skull
hunters to achieve their main
goal to hunt down and kill
humans.the Hexion government
heard the news from spies
working on Zartei and formed
the secret military force called
the shadow wolfs to repel skull
hunters from Hexion.

[outlaw1422]

Hmm...it's definitely interesting and unique.

So, break it down; who is/are the main character(s), and what's their story got to do with this backstory?

[Ryousukethehappy]

thank you everyone for you helpIve put the names with a mix of English and japanese) Main character:Ryousuke Halks (Nickname:Ry)
Other main characters:Ryouu Helms(nickname: Lance),Serika Trinx(no nick name at the moment,she later falls i lover with Ry)
Esumi Myko(no nick name but im still thinking if she falls in love with Lance),Kumi(no nick name but i havent decieded on her last name,she would be the girl who "loves Ry" and trys to suduce him)Takeshi Halks(not sure on his nick name yet,he's the brother of ry)

ill put back story up soon thanks