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Thread: Elite Sword (a work in process)

  1. #1
    101 Dalmations Member neogenstru's Avatar
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    Elite Sword (a work in process)

    A rough idea I've had for a comic critiques are much appreciated!
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    The story takes place the futuristic post apocalyptic like planet of Limbo where humans have become one of the top species. Our story begins with a 12 year old lad named Fai. He was abandoned as a child and adopted and raised by the Chung martial arts temple. Though only 12 years old Fai has mastered many techniques which would require years of training in such a short span of time which is why he has been chosen to journey to the holy land in the West called Aisha. The Chung temple is deteriorating and every year a a desciple is chosen to go to Aisha to prove themselves as the worlds best martial artist and carry on their art, though no deciple has ever completed this quest alive the temple sees much promise in young Fai. After a hearty goodbye and some essential items provided by the temple Fai is off on his journey, however he is soon encountered by a mysterious hooded figure. Cautiously Fai draws his staff, but the figure merely extends his hand and his staff bursts into flames. "Retundra island in Aisha, it is where master Morten awaits your arrival ". The figure then converts the flame into a simple wooden sword, before the baffled Fai could question this figure it vanishes into thin air.

    Fai continues his journey and is later confronted by a small band of bandits eyeing the simple, but finely crafted sword on him. They attempt to "bargin" him for the sword, but Fai refuses and keeps walking. Insulted the bandits attack, but are quickly beaten up and defeated by some simple martial arts moves, the thugs make a hasty retreat so hasty they drop a few of their looted items a staff being one of them. Fai picks up the staff in hopes of finding the owner along the way. While traveling Fai enounters a sleeping monkey along the road, he pokes it to see if he's alright, the monkey groggley wakes and upon seeing his staff he pounces Fai. After the minor quarel the young monkey learns that Fai did not intend on stealing his Hogun staff. Somewhat embarrased the monkey thanks Fai after apologizing and introduces himself as Sheng Li of the Li temple, Fai also introduces himself and tells him about his quest. Coincidentaly Sheng Li also wishes to journey to Aisha in hopes of being the first student of the Li temple to go there and restore honor to it aswell. And thus the journey to Aisha begins.

  2. #2
    its interesting but sounds a bit like tekken chinmi legends tough.why dont you make the mopnkey a old budist monk who wi8ll travel and train him in the way of martial arts more. and you should hav something besides honor driving him to be the first to be the student of the li temple so the readers can connect with his hunger to succede

  3. #3
    101 Dalmations Member neogenstru's Avatar
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    Hm I read the 1st chapter on mangafox, but I don't see a resemblence maybe because of the monkey? lol Also I like unguided adventures personally I think mentors get in the way. Also he wants to be the one to bring honor to his temple because he's the underdog of the temple and wants to bring a redeeming honor not only for the temple, but for himself as well.

  4. #4
    Fifty Fifty Member Bacon_Barbarian's Avatar
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    Finally made it over here Neo! Be careful with items, as I'm currently picturing something like Journey to the West in my head.
    My AA thread - Updated 06/28/14

    Quote Originally Posted by Celestial-Fox View Post
    You're my favorite.

  5. #5
    101 Dalmations Member neogenstru's Avatar
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    Yea the inspiratioin for this is loosley based off of Journey to the West, but I'll try to keep it original.

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