ramiel's art

[nisaren]

If you really want me to nitpick I can, I was just commenting that overall it looks fairly good. The problem for me is that it's difficult to give good criticism just by describing it, I think redlines and such may be more useful. I've found that my verbal critiques of people's work are often misunderstood or at the very least not understood completely, unless the problem is glaringly obvious.

Unfortunately, I'm at work and have no access to photoshop or a tablet to provide a more in depth analysis. I'll try to give a couple critiques of things that I noticed when i get back home tonight.

[ram]

thanks! i won't misunderstood whatever you do...
i know that people will actually comment bad things about my pictures and I'm well aware of where i post my thread
and Rio said clearly that don't post here if your just showing off your drawings...


so it doesn't really matter what you say... as long as it's reasonable. >.<

although i might not really take your advise if your drawing style have so much difference in my drawing style.

i'm a moe artist so if you draw realistic persons and say that i should make the eyes smaller and make it look like the drawing of something that is so much different like monalisa or something then i might not take that advise seriously...

lol

to be honest... i haven't learned anything about perspective the time i draw that background.. but it's still looks alright.. if you use one point trick perspective... at least i think it is

[Celestial-Fox]

thanks i didn't expect to hear a comment like that from someone younger than me...

although i don't believe what i see in your profile =_=.. specially the Alaska part lol

I actually get that a lot. OTL On the old, old MT there was a conspiracy theorist that would spam my art thread, saying that I was a fake and that I was older than I actually was. It was kinda horrible. I mean, don't people have anything better to do that accuse others of their identity? XD I mean, it's the Internet, so some skepticism is definitely fine, but outright attacking me was over the top and unnecessary. (And yep! I live in Alaska. I have to pick up huge piles of moose poop out of my backyard in the springtime and make sure that the baby moose don't eat my neighbor's garden, haha.)

And what rio means is to avoid lots of text in the same bubble. For instance, would you rather read this:

"TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT
TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT
TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT
TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT
TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT"

or this:

"TEXT TEXT TEXT"

"TEXT"

"TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT TEXT"


Do you know the term TL;DR? It means "Too long; didn't read." It basically means that someone has encountered a BIG SCARY WALL OF TEXT and was too lazy and intimidated by the size of it to actually read it. You want to avoid TL;DR at all costs in comic. The pictures and text must balance themselves out and can't fight for the reader's attention. Words take up a lot of space and make less room for the art, and give the reader less time to look at the art because they are busy reading. If you break up a wall of text into several different bubbles, that creates more space on the page for the reader to breathe and the art to exist.

Hope that made sense.

[nisaren]

So here's a few suggestions for the first page that you posted in color. My main problem with this page is the pose of the guy laying there. He looks like he's just lounging around, however, I'm sure that your intention is that he's actually close to death/fainting/etc. If he's that close to death generally I would think that he wouldn't be able to hold himself up and the way he's leaning looks like he's supporting himself by his one arm.

Here's a red-line of an alternate pose that I came up with, feel free to use it or not. I won't be offended either way.



Another suggestion that I have is for when you are doing your coloring of this page. I really like how you colored the page just after this, and it's because you used a brush with hard edges for all of the shading. The first page you used soft brushes a little too much. I think the hair and fire in particular would benefit from the use of a harder brush.

At any rate, that's all I have for a critique now. Hope it helps in some way.

[ram]

@nisaren

lol i actually tried that posing before but it doesn't fit the personality of my character...
he's like the most coolest character in my manga,, and he's the role model of my main character which is the one crying...
and he's one of the deity in that world so i guess it's alright for him to pose awesome even in the verge of death..

and i can't really change it cause it will be difficult for me... to change that i have to change the top scene as well...
coloring takes me a lot of time... not to mention i don't have a tablet Dx,,, well if i do it might be easy...

although it is a useful advise if not only for my complications.. and it's a good critique

but thanks for the advise anyway... can i add you as a friend for further questions in the future? I sent you a friend request..

@celestial fox

sorry about that..... i don't mean to offend you when i said i doubt you...
it's not really that hard to believe.. so i believe you...

although you should be careful around me... i like girls younger than me... >.< llllloooooolllll
just kidding xD,,,

thank's for the advise

anyway i think it's about time i post my second batch of pictures so here ya go





better tell me what's wrong before i toned them.. luckily i still have the path saved up so it's just a piece of cake to edit them to whatever you say

hmmm... curently i'm thinking of having the girl on side view on that first image to have longer neck.. an have a little gap in the neck to the chin..... apart from that.. i don't know

[ram]

there we go... just edited it... note that this is just something i want to say... that's not really the real dialog and script lol

[Celestial-Fox]

Yeah, that neck looks much better. I think the next hurdle you'd want to tackle is folds in clothing. They look slightly unnatural here and like they would be hard to tone because of that. I made an old fold tutorial that may help, and there's a ton of other ones out on the Internet, too.

Oh, and here's a good reference page for breasts.

[CypressDahlia]

As far as drawing goes, you're doing pretty good. I would suggest you study clothing physics, though. The textures of your clothing aren't quite there yet. They still seem a little... puffy? Though, if you want to go for the puffy look (ex: Pokemon), then I suggest you lose some of the fold lines. Right now, it's a clash of interests between accuracy and abstraction.

[ram]

nice cypress glad to see you critique me...
there's no way i would follow pokemon lol! I got some new reference now so i think i can fix the clothing stuffs... atleast i think i can...
don't hold back on critique and stop thinking of you don't want to hurt my feelings and stuffs...
cause that's what i usually do when i go to some post here.. lol

@celestial-fox

that's not the kind of tutorial i'm looking for about the breast....
i need to control B cup to make it side view top view bottom view
c cup to make it side view top view bottom view
d cup to make it side view top view bottom view
oh and the physics of the breast when it has clothing shirt or just clothing with only a bra and without clothing and ofcourse the other types of view in those positions...

sometimes when i draw manga the other scene looks like she's b cup and the other scene makes her look like c cup... this problem occurs when she's close or distant...

so I'm kinda looking some reference right now

but still i learned something new with that tutorial so thanks >.<

[Cloudy]

When you draw bewbies think of them as tear drops.
the shape of the breast isn't a round circle and this is a mistake most people make when starting out it is actually closer to the tear drop shape.

Study real photographs of people (they don't need to be nude) and learn the torso area, copying from real life is what every single artist should be doing when trying to correct their anatomy... if you say "But I want to draw manga" after all we are mimicking the real world and anyone who refuses to draw from life will slow down their process of becoming a great figure drawer.

You know about pose maniacs already and I remember you mentioning it to me so thats great, one week of me doing 10 drawings from that every day really helped me understand poses. Random pose viewer and draw every pose that comes up till you fill a couple of pages.

As for your art, well I think you are well on your way to being a fantastic Manga-ka just keep on practicing every day. You are pretty good at bodies, as cype said before I think you also need to practice drawing clothing. folds and material, easy way to do this is to hang some material somewhere and copy it and perhaps get a friend or family member to model for you for a minute just so you can draw clothing on a person.