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Thread: Demon Halo script

  1. #1
    I'm Not a Spammer! TheDarkOne's Avatar
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    Demon Halo script

    Okay, with this year being laden with problems, I haven't had much time to draw this manga out yet, however, what I have been able to do, is write up a script or two to give me some insight on the characters, I was hoping that I could get some feedback concerning the actual structure of the script, and where it could be less convoluted so when it becomes time to put graphic pen to tablet, I can give out a proper story and not some half hearted crud!

    The story is aimed at around 14+ I would think, but I'm still not sure because of a certain theme.

    These are the first few pages I've drafted and any kind of criticism would be a massive help.

    If someone would be able to lend me some help I'd be most grateful


    Darkness envelopes the page, all that can be heard are shouting voices and explosions coming from everywhere.

    voice #1

    Come back here!!

    voice #2

    If you want me, come and get me!!

    A picture is now present, a boy is running towards a helicopter while the top of a building starts to collapse around him.

    As the boy jumps towards the helicopter a bloodied hand reaches toward him, and a faint voice is heard.

    voice #3

    Don't...do it....


    A boys face is visible, disoriented from what he has just witnessed. This boy is MARIC, a former drug addict, he sits on a plane awaiting his destination.

    As he looks toward the monitor at the front of the plane, the flight attendant speaks.

    ATTENDANT

    We will soon be arriving in CERES, please fasten your seat belts for landing.

    MARIC, looking disinterested in the announcement, closes his eyes and awaits the planes landing.

    Within the baggage hall of arrivals, MARIC gets his luggage and makes his way through the doors of arrivals.


    A man waits for MARIC, with his name written on a card. MARIC approaches the man.

    MARIC introduces himself.

    MARIC

    Yo, I'm MARIC DESAO, guessing you were sent here to pick me up from here then?

    MAN

    Yes, shall we go?

    A black sedan drives away from the airport.

    MAN

    So you're one of those special cases huh?

    MARIC

    Depends on what you mean by special.


    We see MARIC in the rear view mirror, arms folded, looking a bit agitated.

    MAN

    Come on, where you're going is pretty famous around these parts y'know. The Eastern Institute is well known for housing children with "special abilities" shall we say.

    As we look at MARIC, he is now slightly annoyed at the driver, and his questions.

    MARIC

    Is it your job to ask questions? or is it a chauffeur?!

    The driver, slightly annoyed at MARIC'S response, continues to drive.

    MAN

    Hmph,snooty b******!

    The car continues to drive along the highway to its destination.


    The car has arrived at its destination, MARIC is now out of the car with his bags on the ground.

    MARIC

    So...this is my home for the next year or so?

    A shot of a grand building enveloping a huge area is shown, this is GRAND EASTERN ACADEMY, known for having an interest in gifted youngsters, and other more secretive ventures.


    A man in a white suit comes out of the main gate to meet MARIC, walking in a nonchalant manner, he approaches the boy. This man is SHIRIKI, all that is known about him is his name and appearance, apart from that, he is a complete unknown.

    SHIRIKI

    MARIC! It's been a long time

    Both MARIC and SHIRIKI are in shot now, with a look over SHIRIKI'S shoulder, we see MARIC'S disgusted face, as he talks back.

    MARIC

    Something tells me it has not been long enough, why are you here?

    SHIRIKI

    Heh, well I guess I can't expect a warm welcome from the likes of you, or your brother.

    With that phrase, MARIC lunges at SHIRIKI, overtaken by rage he grips him by the collar.

    MARIC

    And what the **** do you know?!

    SHIRIKI

    Yo chill, here I thought you were the funny one outta the three of you.


    Refusing to let go, MARIC continues his inquiry, becoming more agitated toward the ever evasive SHIRIKI.

    MARIC

    I'll ask you one more time, why are you here?!

    With a smirk on his face, SHIRIKI grabs MARIC'S arm, his grip is tight.

    SHIRIKI

    Well, since you asked so nicely, I guess I can tell you.

    Effortlessly detaching MARIC'S arm from his person, SHIRIKI looks MARIC coldly in the eye.

    SHIRIKI

    I'm the Vice-Principal of this place dude.


    As MARIC holds his hand in pain from the grip of SHIRIKI, both of them look up at the main building of the grounds.

    SHIRIKI

    Ain't it beautiful man? gotta say, didn't think that it could been pulled off.

    With a smirk on his face MARIC looks at SHIRIKI.

    MARIC

    It's not half bad, however with you as Vice-principal, I dread to think what the teachings like.

    Slightly amused, SHIRIKI starts to walk with MARIC toward the main building.

    SHIRIKI

    Wanna go take a look? C'mon.


    As they enter, MARIC is greeted by a sight of futuristic grandeur, glass elevators, huge escalators leading up and down, the hall is so clean, it almost looks like it's only for display purposes, and so many students walking around, it looks like a miniature city.

    SHIRIKI

    On behalf of the faculty, I welcome you to GRAND EASTERN ACADEMY, where gifted youngsters can work on the abilities given to them by God.

    MARIC

    Christ! you almost sound religious, and like a responsible person!!

    SHIRIKI

    A lot can change in eight years y'know.

    MARIC

    I wish it could have been longer before I saw your ugly mug again ha ha!!

    SHIRIKI

    Just shut it you lil' b*****d!


    The pair ascend up one of the elevators, overlooking the north wing of the academy, it spans for as far as the eye can see.

    SHIRIKI

    So lets cut the B.S. now, I've already been told why you're here.

    MARIC

    And why's that then?

    The camera zooms in on SHIRIKI'S face, he has a very serious and somber look about him.

    SHIRIKI

    The past three years have been pretty rough haven't they? I mean with two...

    MARIC, still over looking the scenery, interrupts SHIRIKI mid sentence.

    MARIC

    don't try to act like the wise old man now RIKI especially when you decided to leave without even a word.


    SHIRIKI walks over to MARIC and pulls up the sleeve of his top.

    SHIRIKI

    I understand how you feel...

    The camera zooms in on MARIC'S arm, it is riddled with needle scars.

    SHIRIKI

    But no amount of pain should lead to this.

    MARIC quickly retracts his arm, and covers it with his sleeve.

    MARIC

    And as I said before, what the hell would you know? you left without a trace!

    The two continue to ascend in the elevator with an awkward silence.


    The two arrive at a door, different from all the rest, although still automated, it has a more rustic feel to it than the ones that have been passed so far.

    SHIRIKI

    This is my office, you should feel honored, not many students get to see this part of the building.

    MARIC

    I'm overcome with joy.

    SHIRIKI

    Smart ass!!

    The pair enter the room, it is full of bookshelves, with a desk near a window that takes up a whole wall, SHIRIKI approaches the desk and buzzes the intercom on it.

    SHIRIKI

    Please send ERIC AND VIRGIL to my office please, the new arrival's finally here.

    SHIRIKI sits down behind the desk very casually, and points to the seat opposite him.

    SHIRIKI

    Well, take a seat man.

    MARIC proceeds to sit down, in what is a very nice chair.

    MARIC

    Pretty nice set up you have here, who'd you have to sleep with to get it?

    SHIRIKI

    Ever the joker!


    A panning shot of both MARIC and SHIRIKI sat at opposite sides of the desk, even though both look very casual, the atmosphere still feels tense.

    SHIRIKI

    So unlike what you are usually used to, in this academy there are certain rules and regulations that need to be followed.

    MARIC

    Even I cudda guessed that.

    SHIRIKI, smiling, starts gives a handbook to MARIC, inside of it, are all the rules and regulations of the school.

    Shiriki

    Within that book, contains all the "official" rules and regulations about the school, uniform, behavior around campus, y'know all that legal stuff.

    MARIC gives a concerned look to SHIRIKI.

    MARIC

    What do you mean by "official"?

    A sly look comes over SHIRIKI'S face, as he watches MARIC become ever more concerned.

    The door bell rings.

    SHIRIKI

    Oh... you'll find out.


    As the door opens two voices are heard coming through, they seem to be having an argument with one another.

    VOICE #1

    Shit man, I wudda had you that time!

    VOICE #2

    Excuses, excuses, it still stands 4-0 to me, so it wouldn't have made a difference anyway.

    The camera sets itself back on SHIRIKI, now with a big grin on his face, while a concerned MARIC looks on bewildered as to what is going on.

    SHIRIKI

    Seems like your chaperons are here.

    Two boys walk in, with scruffy uniforms, they stand at attention and greet SHIRIKI. These two boys are VIRGIL and ERIC, They are both second years at the academy and have been chosen to be the tour guides to the academy for MARIC.

    VIRGIL AND ERIC

    Vice-Principal, please excuse us.


    While looking cocky, SHIRIKI begins to laugh, as MARIC'S face turns to utter despair.

    SHIRIKI

    MARIC, meet VIRGIL and ERIC, your chaperons for the next week.

    Maric

    You have got to be kidding me!!!!

    Both VIRGIL and ERIC looking very unnatural, begin to give a self introduction.

    ERIC

    ERIC MCNAUGHTON, GRAND EASTERN ACADEMY second year, nice to meet you!

    VIRGIL

    VIRGIL DIMAGGIO, GRAND EASTERN ACADEMY second year, nice to meet you!

  2. #2
    101 Dalmations Member
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    so much. . .

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