I was going to let this topic die. By my accounts, it has by and large failed on most fronts; I likely came across as an A******, I'm still in much the same place as before on the issue. really at best i have a decent compendium of information when/if i ever get back to drawing.
But then that happened, i still wanted to leave well enough alone, take the advice in the bottom line and leave peacefully. But as i tried to do that, i started to realize/suspect something. How many times had I drifted into a, pardon me a hackneyed and clichéd phrase, almost zen like state polishing up a drawing. How much i had enjoyed pulling random lineart off the internet and filling in the colors. What i enjoyed was the mild stages of a drawing, the refining and fine tuning.
Originally Posted by nisaren
Why bring this up though?i figured out what i enjoy move on and use that right. well there is an issue with that, though thats not the reason i'm posting but it bears saying anyways, i hate those initial 5-10 minutes because it's all too often the most annoying and frustrating part of the experience. As said this is a problem you can't reach the middle stages without those first few moments, but what i found more interesting is that this is almost the exact opposite of how i once was.
I stated it briefly earlier, but one of the major reasons i started drawing is because of my attempts at writing, and how i could often see things in my head that i didn't have the vocabulary to describe. However, i could see it in my head and if i could get that image down it tended to help. Drawing was all about those first few moments as something showed up on that blank page.
So why the change then, well it kind of feeds back into what i've been trying to say all along, and i'm willing to try once more. What happened is i learned to draw.
If you'll allow me an anecdote, perhaps of the true turning point of a minor 'my life sucks and i'm sort of depressed which makes this frustration hard to swallow' issue into a full blown imploding in on myself crisis.
about 3-4 years ago I dropped out of college in a fit of self destructive depression, failing to find a job, i tried to turn my life around and enrolled in a different school to study what i really wanted to learn game design. The program started with studying visual design, and one of the early class was taught (though from what i understand it wasn't meant to be) as a sort of intro art class. i half listened as i had 1-3 point perspective explained to me for the umpteenth time, listened intently as basic layout and composition were discussed. It was an unexpected class but in general it was enjoyable, However one time in class we were given a seemingly simple assignment; take an evergreen branch/leaf sample and draw it, around the same time another class had us doing thumbnails for a project. In both cases i failed. The leaf assignment is the more telling of the two as we had to draw this exceedingly complex but miniature object. the purpose was to help us in just drawing, gaining the skills to effectively draw thumbnails and such, to just take what was in front of you, or in your mind and jot it down. I never finished the assignment, the class went on break, and i didn't come back from it, i sat in the hallway just outside the classroom on the verge of breakdown and unable to continue the assignment.
drawing what was infront of me had never been a problem before. copying drawings, pictures, drawing what i saw, I had done these before with no issue. So why then? honestly no clue, but whatever skill i had seems to have been lost in that incident or in it's fallout as i spent time obsessed with how to do gesture drawings thumbnails, anything of that quickly getting it down variety, each time met with failure. At this point in time trying and failing at those things has become nothing to think over; i try, i fail, i move on and try and find what i'm missing in the whole issue.
Why have lost this skill, most likely a repercussion of that day and/or it's fallout, but why did that happen. Thinking on it, i always used guidelines as the first thing on the paper, I rarely if ever just drew anymore, perhaps it was just atrophy of the most basic skills learned. At the same time, i vaguely remember trying to come up with some manner of guidelines, a somewhat complex object i had never looked at or bothered to think about, breaking it down into the tiniest components as the clock ticked down and my grade somewhat riding on the execution, a stress induced breakdown is also a likely subject.
More recently for some reason (atrophy due to lack of drawing because of stress no doubt) The guidelines, even on the things i know just don't seem to work much if at all anymore, I can't see human proportions in those stick figures etc. which makes the excursion of drawing as stressful as it is; when you can;t seem to just get ideas down on paper, and rigid systematic guidelines fail you, what's left?
So where am i going with all this. Nowhere, but we have, if in a roundabout and wordy way been over the problem. How do you loosen up, stop worrying, and just draw, just sketch, no guidelines, nothing like that, just getting it down on paper. It's not something a direct answer (put pencil to paper and move it around) can do much for but it's my question, always has been, and still is. And i would desperately like an answer to it.