For those of you who do not know me, fear for you may soon regret getting to know me. For those who do, your being here to read this is a testament to either your bravery or stupidity, in either case i applaud and welcome you.
setting aside the half humorous self deprecation shtick. allow me to give some insight into who i am, and why i said what i did.
I am a transplant from the old forums, and if i had any reputation there i cannot imagine it being good. This is because the majority of my posts by a good margin were somewhat whiny and overly verbose 'i need help' type posts. In them i took loud offense to generic 'cure-all' advice (e.g. practice!!!111!) while asking obtuse and poorly defined questions. basically if i came across as anything but a whiny, abrasive, dumba** i'm shocked to learn that.
So why did i make those posts then? why act like that and behave in a way i was convinced made me look the worst it could? the long and short of it; I needed help, i just didn't know how i needed it. Which neatly brings us to the present Nothing has changed since i would make those posts on the prior forums, except i'm more concerned with not being that guy i was. Hence why i have been so long in making this posts; i didn't want to go back to making train wreck help topics every month or so.
yet i find myself doing just that, but what else can you do but ask for help when you have a problem you can't solve alone but ask for help, cowering in a corner aside. The problem here is that half, if not more, of my problem is that i really don't know my problem.
So what is my problem, or at least what do i know of it?
Well if i knew that would make this all the easier wouldn't it? but to be serious my current concern and theory concerns my tendency to not enjoy drawing, and to be high strung about the whole affair.
Basically drawing is stressful to say the least. Whenever i hear people say that drawing is relaxing i wonder in two parts; whats wrong with them, and if not them whats wrong with me? Half of this may come from the fact that i don't relax, or to put it another way Doodling is all but a foreign concept to me.
I can't imagine how i could have gone through life not doodling, but every time i think back on and remember drawing there was always a plan, a purpose, a reason. Even as i drew in the margins of my notes (or perhaps more aptly instead of taking notes, never was good at it and got good grades anyways). An maybe thats problem, I'm creating a situation that is inherently stressful; the requirement to perform and deliver. Problem is for the most part I don't have to, I am not an artist, and i have absolutely no desire to make drawing a living in any sense of the word. So when i get stressed out and overwhelmed i tend to just stop, and when i haven't it things only get worse till i get angry and it's all over. I'll admit my tendency to be high strung and on edge as a sort of modus operandi means i get stressed more easily with drawing, which isn't making this situation any better.
Of course there is the inevitable question; why keep drawing? because it's fun, or was and has shown it still can be. It doesn't always fall apart, sometimes it goes well and then i love the experience. Problem is these joyful times are the minority, but thats what i'm trying to change.
So what is this wall of text all about then?
I said it before, and i'll say it again, i need help. This wall of text serves a few purposes towards trying to get that help
What is my problem, drawing generally stresses me out, but when it's fun theres nothing like it, thing is are the minority. also, i don't have more than a theory what my problem is, and i need help.
What i am, who i was before (well in regards to the forum at least) and a lite look into my brain. Hopefully this will provide some insight to help people in advising me and helping out.
Well i've taken up enough of your time by now, assuming you made it through that wall of text before reading this that is. but honestly i need help, and one of the problems i can see in getting it on the old forum was the ability to use big words and a lot of words, but say nothing. so i figured be as concise and verbose as i could be.
After all half the problem here is finding the problem, the more i say, the more you can learn about me and help figure that out
anyways, thank you in advance and please actually read this before answering, i realize it's alot, but it's there for a reason. i think...