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Thread: BozeSG's Mind Leaks

  1. #11
    Super Senior Member Celestial-Fox's Avatar
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    That sounds interesting. Definitely original, but I'm not sure about the science behind it. I wouldn't particularly care about the science, but lots of picky readers might.

  2. #12
    Three Trio Tres Member BozeSG's Avatar
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    Yeah i'm not sure either....

    But that doesn't matter, it's a fantasy. picky readers should just stick with their stupid and boring reality.

  3. #13
    Super Senior Member Delphinus's Avatar
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    If the plates orbit around each other like a binary planet, then they can remain equidistant without the need of a glass barrier to 'cancel out' gravity.
    Last edited by Delphinus; 05-25-2011 at 12:14 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Fenn
    You forgot your F in Modesty.

  4. #14
    Three Trio Tres Member BozeSG's Avatar
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    ^ lol, Picky reader that should just stick with his boring reality... jk

    I'm aware that they can do that, but if there's no glass there my plot would be meaningless, so i'm going to stick with not orbiting around each other...

    anyway... no comments on the plot itself?

    EDIT: this post sounds a bit rude, sorry...
    Last edited by BozeSG; 05-30-2011 at 04:33 PM.

  5. #15
    Zeta Members ram's Avatar
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    sounds like a game..
    I played
    tales of Eternia(tales of destiny 2)
    tales of symphonia
    and some other tales i don't remember the name..
    and they have those kinds of worlds... and no explanation of the science behind it.. (well that would be obvious cause it's just a game)
    but i don't think it would be a crime to make a story like this...
    nice one boz and i like the sky mermaid as well,

  6. #16
    Three Trio Tres Member BozeSG's Avatar
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    thanks, glad you liked them. i've never played the tales series actually (only a bit of vesperia, well until my x360 went RROD four times and i eventually lost interest in it.) but you're right, reality limits creativeness. i'm trying to be as creative as i can with my stories (but i've been neglecting story making for a while), anyway:

    i've been working on a manga story for the past two weeks and i made one which was designed to contain many things i need to learn in drawings so i could improve while creating it. but i gave up when i realized that i'm being way too arrogant and i need to improve more before i start it.
    but i thought it'd be a waste if i forgot it and i came up with the idea to write it down in a novel-like format, with that being said, this is my first actual experience in writing something so i'm both slow and bad at it. please critique everything... (i know there are many problems with it so there's no need to hold back...)

    Prequel
    SPOILER! :
    This may come across as weird to some people, but the first thing I can say about myself is: “on February 2nd 2222, I died…” Excuse the lack of sense in my words for I am utterly disappointed with it. To be honest, the very thought of how this all began makes me furious but I will try to do it once as an exception so you can keep up with my story.
    Since the day I was born, I had an obsession with light. I remember seeing some films of myself from when I was a baby, in them; my brothers and sisters used a lamp to teach me how to walk, because it was in my nature to go to every place which is brighter. In my childhood, I developed a habit of switching the lights on and off at midnight, seeing the darkness illuminated by the light always left a wide smile on my face.
    I first learned the metaphor of good and evil being the light and the dark in middle school; inevitably, I became attracted to the idea and I began being kind and generous to every kind of people in my surroundings.
    After changing myself, other people started to trust me and they did whatever in their power to help me. Parents started to invite me to play with their children and the children lent me everything on every occasion. Those times were the ones I treasured the most and I kept working hard to keep them. Being someone close to other people introduced me to one thing that became my only entertainment in the future: comics. I fell in love with the heroes who put themselves in danger for the sake of good immediately and I wanted to be one by saving all the people in the world, just thinking about the ‘treasured times’ I could receive by being a hero filled me with excitement, And that’s how my attraction to light turned into the desire of being a hero…

    *

    My anger was adding heat to the fire in my heart, “Answer me, why do you need to involve innocent lives in this madness?!!” I shouted with anger. “Innocent lives? The only thing innocent in this world was her and she’s no longer here, you who claim your innocence took her from me!” my body was battered and I could feel the energy leaving it. The crowd’s screams were filling my brain. I slightly raised my head and took a good look at my opponent’s face; his eyes were barely showing any signs of life, it was almost like someone had wiped away all of his inside emotion from a clean whiteboard.
    “What are you going to do? Mr. Hero!” he pointed his gun at the cage beside him. In it, there were four people lying down, scared to death. My grip hardened on the Edo period katana that I had bought online. The man continued: “weren’t you the one who always stopped all my plans for salvation? Aren’t you the one who swore he would protect the world from any darkness?”
    -Salvation my ass! The only thing you did was randomly killing people!
    -Shut up!! You inferior beings wouldn’t know the greatness of my work, purification is the first step that needs to be taken! But I don’t care anymore, in a matter of minutes; this whole country will no longer exist! By assassinating the king, a war will break out and humanity will be destroyed by its own hands!
    A sudden chaos began in the crowd taken hostage by him; screams could be heard from everywhere. Among them, a single one from the cage pierced my mind:”save me! Asha…” Blood boiled in my veins; I dashed forward with all of my might. It took him a few seconds to realize that I was running towards him and by the time he did, the distance between us had already been halved. I lifted up my katana and let out a cry. His reaction was fast; he quickly pointed his gun at me and pulled the trigger.
    Maybe it was an effect of the adrenaline in my body but everything started to slow down, I could see the bullet coming at me with great speed. Unconsciously, all of my muscles, from the shoulder to the arm and the fingers, started working at full power. Before I knew it, my katana had hit and blocked the bullet.
    Amazed by my own capabilities, I got in range and lifted my katana again. That’s when a sudden pain started straining my arm; the effect of the stunt I pulled with the bullet was showing up. The target didn’t waste any time, he screamed and took out a knife from his belt and stuck it in my stomach. My vision darkened, I couldn’t hear anything; perhaps the hostages had all been watching me in silence to see the climax of my last struggle.
    “hahahahahaha!” a nervous laugh rang in my ears, it was from the villain “in the end, you’re just a mere human. What can someone like you do? Now, it’s time to pay your price for being arrogant and be forgotten in all history!”
    Another laugh started ringing my ears, it was mine. “Forgotten? Sorry but I have no intention of being like that…” in a quick motion, I tore out the scabbard from my belt with my left hand and bashed it against the right side of his face “I’m a hero! There’s no way that I’m going to be forgotten!”
    The force from the hit was so powerful that the scabbard flew out of my hands and landed three meters away. The villain was lifted from the ground and then came down again head-first.
    Suddenly, the battle ground exploded with cheers “Hero! Hero! Hero!” a smile appeared on my face “I did it! I saved the world!” that was all I could think of.
    -He’s injured! Somebody call a doctor!
    -Yeah! Hurry!
    -You finally did it, didn’t you?
    The last comment came from a girl in the cage “thank you Asha!” my smile grew wider. I turned my back to her”remember this, no matter where you are, I will always protect you...” I picked up my katana from the ground and sheathed it with the coolest pose I could think of.
    .
    .
    .
    Everything went silent as fast as it had began, I looked at the people surrounding me who had turned their cheers into silence, and then at the scabbard three meters away from me lying on the ground, and then at the blood coming out from the new wound on my chest.
    As I fell onto the ground, only two words were dancing in my brain: “no way!”
    .
    Yes, that’s right, dear readers. The first thing I can say about myself is: “on February 2nd 2222, I died like a complete fool. Nobody has ever since remembered my name…”

    this is just the prequel (which i originally didn't plan to write) and it doesn't introduce much about the plot... i'll try to write the first chapter as soon as i can.

    EDIT: i'm beginning to get worried that this might not work in this kind of format. probably a manga would suit it better...
    Last edited by BozeSG; 07-17-2011 at 05:19 AM.

  7. #17
    Zeta Members ram's Avatar
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    i don't know...
    maybe it does work on that type of format, the story is a little too much cliched, that only happened in manga formats, so have to put a lot of details on them using words

    i've never played the tales series actually (only a bit of vesperia, well until my x360 went RROD four times and i eventually lost interest in it.)
    i really want to play tales of vesperia. IF ONLY I HAVE AN XBOX360!!! man i'm so envious of you dude!!

  8. #18
    Three Trio Tres Member BozeSG's Avatar
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    i agree
    ...the story is a little too much cliched,...
    this pretty much proves that it's a failure in literature format, and so, I WILL GIVE UP, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. but worry not, i'm feeling ultra mega super motivated/inspired so i will turn it into a manga eventually (and in the mean time, i'm going to keep posting any new story ideas i have here...), and
    i really want to play tales of vesperia. IF ONLY I HAVE AN XBOX360!!! man i'm so envious of you dude!!
    the last time i saw my xbox was when it had been RROD'ed for the 20th time... how nostalgic! then i had to leave it when i immigrated and changed places... my only companion now is my old laptop...

  9. #19
    Zeta Members ram's Avatar
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    well i could be wrong, to tell you the truth i haven't written any stories before and the only story book i ever read is sherlock holmes series and conan doyle always put detail of what the person is exactly wearing and information of every single thing that is happening, age of the person and he even explain some of the wrinkles he/she got sometimes, which is (i think) that if in manga format it's explained only in drawing. so i don't really know and i could be wrong.

  10. #20
    Three Trio Tres Member BozeSG's Avatar
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    No, you're completely right. it'll be much more easier on me if i turn it into manga a while later...

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