Super Senior Member
Are you wanting critique?
Yup. C&C are always welcome in ALL of my drawing/writing threads.
Super Senior Member
The issues I find with this are more that the anatomy is reducing the impact of the pages. A lot of the poses are grounded within the realms of familiarity and thus aren't very interesting. A feel of dynamics isn't really achieved, particularly in the recent page where one of the characters is elbowing the other. I am of the belief that increasing the dynamics and choosing more interesting angles (rather than stick to single and simple perspective shots) will aid with the flow of the panels and comic in general. Expression is also important, since in that same page, the guy who is supposed to be asleep looks like he is cringing. I would also suggest using sound as a way to aid in describing the environment, particularly that fact that he is asleep - which in general will allow you to build on atmosphere etc.
You also miss full stops, which is weird considering you still use exclamation marks throughout the dialogue (including even an occasional ellipse). I cannot really talk of the story as there isn't enough development as of critiquing, but from an art POV there is plenty which can be worked on. I think you can work more on the flow of the speech, and the placements of the speech bubbles to give a more natural flow. Remember that you are wanting to make the eye move with the composition; if your audience isn't feeling this "flow" you have a confusing and poorly designed page. Personally I would like to see you draw your characters multiple times (with reference) since they are inconsistent in each panel/page.
Summary: Anatomy, Shot Construction, Character Consistency, Atmosphere, Page Composition.
Those are what I would work on personally.
Last edited by Demonfyre; 01-19-2014 at 03:11 PM.
One Thousand Member
I agree with Demonfyre, but I have a bit of an addendum. Also, I'm only critiquing the latest two pages, since the others are old as balls by Internet standards.
The transition between the two pages is jarring. It makes sense, but it's jarring. I suggest adding a few transition panels, like fading from the blackness of space to (what I assume is) the classroom, or zooming in to it. Movie-like panoramas opening the story and zooming in doesn't really work in novels, but it's fine in the visual medium of comics.
Onto the stuff I'm actually confident in critiquing:
As of right now, two pages in, you have three characters introduced, but they're easy to follow because, visually, they're pretty distinct. However, they're also incredibly generic. You don't have to change what you have, as it makes for an easy-to-understand introduction, but work some distinct personality into your characters. As of right now, I predict we'll see a headstrong, lazy protagonist (the spiky-haired dude who fell asleep) who will probably be naturally talented at what he does, a la Lloyd Irving of Tales of Symphonia; the know-it-all, smart-guy best friend, characterized by his staying awake in class and glasses; and the stern, no-nonsense teacher/mentor who will follow the kids on their journey and nag at them for not adhering to his teachings.
These aren't inherently bad things -- they're just done all the time. From here, I'll reiterate that you should expand upon those personalities in a way you haven't seen done in anime or manga. Identifiable characteristics are good things; being able to summarize a character in a single word isn't actually bad (e.g. Ned Stark is honorable, Walter White is proud, and both are well-written characters). They just need to be more than that word, and even that one word needs to have implications. Honor only gets you so far against enemies who are willing to fight dirty, for example. Your lead character's laziness could lead to him missing something that ends up costing lives he could have saved. He could drop into angst and depression, as most people would expect, but people do have a tendency to take the blame off themselves if possible. He could deny it and deny it until it became too much for him and he snapped, and only then went through the five stages of grief and comes out scarred, yet more mature in a complete character arc.
Just an idea. What you come up with will probably be better than that. The point is, you generally want characters to have realistically complex personalities that are still simple to follow. As an added bonus, if a character reacts realistically to a situation, real people, your readers, can learn and grow by reading your work.
The best thing about the comic so far is that each character is unique (among each other; not unique in the whole of fictional media) and identifiable immediately. Keep that, but improve it. Don't worry too much about your current drawing and writing skills -- just write and write and draw and draw, and get stuff finished so people (us) can read and enjoy what you create, and so you can have something to show for your ideas. You'll grow and improve naturally in all areas if you practice and never quit.
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