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Thread: Practice Comic (Maybe happening)

  1. #1
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    Practice Comic (Maybe happening)

    Hey there,
    I am new here but I am just hoping to take this into a daily comic. It may not be in the usual style; I also have not scanned it in due to the A3 scanner being at my dads work >.< I am just thinking of whether this is good enough. Please do keep in mind that I have just quickly smartened it up in Photoshop, but it is not at it's fullest.

    It is from Left to Right like normal Mangas :3

    *cough* I know the writing and the words suck but it get's my basic story across XD
    Last edited by AURA; 11-20-2012 at 02:47 PM.

  2. #2
    Palindrome Member ClockHand's Avatar
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    I thought mangas are read from right to left.

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    Ah yes, my bad I put them the wrong way round. I thought I put them the right way round, sorry, I wasn't concentration.

  4. #4
    Palindrome Member ClockHand's Avatar
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    My advice is to make this on the Manga section of the forum, as this section is for your art work and get critics (not just one comic, but all the things you do, while the manga section are for the comics).

    And for the page you posted, I don't understand what its going on, I see a dog, then an eye (who I presume is from the guy on the final panel), then a hand (which I again presume its from the guy on the final panel) and then a guy. As this is the only character you have presented I'm inclined to think all this elements of body parts framed separately in a lost camera view with the dialogues come from him. But what confuse me are the dialogues, if you start with "Damn wolf bite me" to "Sweet!..." its just weird, it makes no sense. And between the eye frame and the whole body frame doesn't make sense the expressions on the face.

    Well, also I don't get why does he killed the dog or anything, it looks just like free violence for no reason.

  5. #5
    101 Dalmations Member NWAP's Avatar
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    even letting the paneling slide, I have to agree with clock. the dialogue made me cringe... and it doesn't fit the dark, semi-Serious looking art style. by no means change the style though, its awesome.

  6. #6
    Three Trio Tres Member Gaff's Avatar
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    What struck me straight away is that you're not leaving much room for the text. When you're roughing out the layout for a page, try to write the dialogue into speech balloons at the same time, just to check that it fits.

    You've also got a big establishing shot in that last panel. To me, this is a good idea; I like big establishing shots that show you the location in lots of detail. Having said that, I think you're adding too much detail directly behind the figure - you have to stop and think about where the trees end and he begins. I also feel you'd have been better to leave the panel with the close up of his hand until the next page. The size and placement of the hand panel makes the figure look as if he's been squashed into the remaining space.

    Generally speaking, unless you're doing a scene with lots of movement, I don't think you really need lots of little close up panels breaking up the space. If you framed the big panel so that you could see the back of the beast on the ground, you could easily get away with just two: the shot looking down onto the body and then the reverse shot looking back up at the man.

  7. #7
    Palindrome Member ClockHand's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gaff View Post
    What struck me straight away is that you're not leaving much room for the text. When you're roughing out the layout for a page, try to write the dialogue into speech balloons at the same time, just to check that it fits.

    You've also got a big establishing shot in that last panel. To me, this is a good idea; I like big establishing shots that show you the location in lots of detail. Having said that, I think you're adding too much detail directly behind the figure - you have to stop and think about where the trees end and he begins. I also feel you'd have been better to leave the panel with the close up of his hand until the next page. The size and placement of the hand panel makes the figure look as if he's been squashed into the remaining space.

    Generally speaking, unless you're doing a scene with lots of movement, I don't think you really need lots of little close up panels breaking up the space. If you framed the big panel so that you could see the back of the beast on the ground, you could easily get away with just two: the shot looking down onto the body and then the reverse shot looking back up at the man.


    First page of Watchmen.

    I disagree with the idea of "lot of panels" for "lot of movement", more movement doesn't mean more panel, but to provide movement you need more stress between panels, which mean you need to close up the distance between panels, which is not the same as more fragments of panels (and by the way, is what AURA is doing which is kinda weird, as we have no reference of anything to understand the amount of stress).

    Also I disagree with the idea of making the first page just 2 big panels, specially because you are presenting the supposed protagonist and in just 2 panels you are just going to give a blunt view of who he is, you need to go a little slower, just remember most intro of mangas when the main character has a monologue of who he/she is; yes its shitty and over used but it response to the idea of presenting the character, the same is done in watchmen, as Rorschach is presented first through his ideas on his journal monologue, and slowly, really slowly he is being presented part by part (on the next pages you are going to see a lost camera, having panels of his hat, his jacket, his gloves, and so on, until the 3 or 4 page when he appear in full body, this is meant so all the ideas and elements presented by each panel and his monologues finally get synthesized on his big appearance). But again, that one way to present a protagonist, but my point is, a protagonist shouldn't be presented as a secondary character who is just placed on a big panel in full body like a BANG! "here is your secondary character".

    So in resume to help this on a critic, there is too much stress on the panels, you have the eye panel with the dog panel too close, and the hand is over the big panel which is more stress, also presenting the supposed protagonist in a big panel doesn't conceal who he is, which mean we can't give any value to him ergo we are not able to identify him later.

  8. #8
    Three Trio Tres Member Gaff's Avatar
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    Yeah... I was getting ready to go off on a tirade there, but now that it's sunk in, I actually do agree. Having a straight-on full-body shot of the main character as your very first introduction to him doesn't leave anything to the imagination.

    What was in my mind was the first page of Berserk, wherein you see a full length shot of Guts having sex with a succubus in the first panel, but now that I stop to think about it, you don't clearly see his face until much later on.

    It's a bit redundant now, but since I was half-finished drawing this anyway, this is how I would have approached it:


  9. #9
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    Oh, ok! Thanks Gaff. It was only a rough after all, so I will think into re-doing it but keeping the style like NWAP said. Thanks for your help I did say the dialogue was rough just to get the idea across, and not official.

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