Your overall anatomy seems really good. However, I think you need quite a bit of work on faces, especially in profile, as the planes of the face and the size of the features dont really work. For example, "mona"s face, you should be able to see her other eye at that angle, and on the face of the blonde girl on the "little mistress" page isnt right - her eye is much too small for her face, and is in the wrong place on her face.
for the actual story, i think it'd help if you could get a friend to proof read it, as some of the spelling is off. also the story is a bit confusing and "jumpy" - lots has happened that you havent really explained. why is she in an orphanage? why has this woman decided to adopt her? why does she like people licking her feet? (o.O)