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Thread: 11-Page Oneshot 2 of 11 Pages done

  1. #11
    Junior Member Chuchu's Avatar
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    Two pages added!

  2. #12
    Palindrome Member ClockHand's Avatar
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    1.- Be aware of the tones. As I pointed the shading was really good, but they become secondary or hidden to the eye with strong tones on the hair. Also, on the same subject of "be aware of the tones", also be aware of the tones from the same character on different panels, you can see how the mom gets her hair clear on different panels and the girl get it darker on others.

    2.- Warn readers that this is read from right to left. I was trying to read it from left to right this whole time and didn't make sense.

    3.- Panels tempo. On the second page there is a car accident, and those panels are supposed to be really fast, which they are according to the size (size of the panel = amount of time pass on the action of the panel), but there is also a time of "how much time pass between panel A to panel B", and this one is made by shortening the distances between panels. They do look fast, but they don't look dynamic; as a suggestion, you could try to make an asymmetrical panel for the one of the car (first one of the accident) which is also in contra position of the axis of direction, or on the screams of the mom and the girl, where you can easily make asymmetric panels going in vertical. You could try it and see what happens. Oh ya also on the same subject, you are using a same distance between the accident and ones the accident happens, you could try to make a little bigger distance, to let know readers that there was something of time in between both events (again, its just a suggestion).

    Looking good.

  3. #13
    Junior Member Chuchu's Avatar
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    Thanks for the suggestion, it does lack dynamic. I'm going to play around with it using your suggestion, see if I can fix it. ^^
    And thanks a lot for the bit about the tones, great input that I'm glad I got before starting a series! I'll most likely use them sparingly.

  4. #14
    Palindrome Member ClockHand's Avatar
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    If you have goggles. I could make better suggestions or corrections as I could draw over the images on the site.

  5. #15
    Junior Member Chuchu's Avatar
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    I do have it and would appreciate it if it's not too much of your time. ^^''

  6. #16
    Palindrome Member ClockHand's Avatar
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    Over the "get out of the way" I did some lines in cyan, see if you like them.

    Also, when did the earring fell? I notice a small (SMALL) panel when she appears without an earring, but really I didn't thought the earring fell (when I correct these things I first read them without the dialogues, and then the dialogues, to see if they made sense).

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