Negative Body Image

[CypressDahlia]

I don't understand modern views on negative body image...

One thing I hear over and over is "every man/woman deserves to feel good about their body". And I agree. But why the hell does that involve having other people spoonfeed them compliments and lying to them? If a person is out of shape, I'm not obligated to tell them that they aren't. They don't "deserve" for me to lie to them just to save their ego. In fact, they are generally a detriment to their own health, so why shouldn't they feel bad about it?

If they want to feel good about their own body --regardless of how little care they take of it-- that's cool with me. Confidence is self-derived. But I don't understand why it's expected of other people to stroke their egos or to not tell them the obvious truth?

With that mentality, everyone "deserves" to feel good about everything. If I was shit at art, and never put any work into it, I still deserve to be treated to compliments and falsehoods about how amazing my work is. Likewise if a person is out of shape and has never bothered to do anything about it, clearly they deserve to be regarded the same as a person who has put time and effort into staying in shape.

I don't get it at all.

[Celestial-Fox]

I think that being dissatisfied with your own body image is fine... Actually, it's rather normal. It's never unhealthy to not like your body if you're out of shape, etc, but it can go down a bad route depending on what you do with that. You can be either constructive or deconstructive with it.

But if people get you down about having an ugly facial structure or something that obviously is unchangeable (save for invasive surgery), then they're just being jerks. That's like if I were to rag on the lady down the street for not exercising as much as she should because she's been in a wheelchair for over a decade because of a medical condition. She swims when she can, but it's not like she can do much else about it.

[Hayashida]

Because everyone is a special beautiful flower. No, but seriously, I agree with you Cypress. If someone genuinely looks good, and I don't mean whether or not they're in shape, more like how they dress and shit, I'll compliment them. Though someone's more likely to get a compliment from me if they're like a good person or whatever. I'm not gonna tell someone they're awesome if they're not.

[CypressDahlia]

Yeah no doubt if you're ragging on someone for something they can't change, it's pretty much in the same spirit as racism. But being overweight is generally not something unchangeable.

I just hate this mentality that no matter how little effort you put into something, you "deserve" to feel good about yourself. Not all men have to be bodybuilders or metrosexuals, and not all women have to be a Hilton...but damn.

[AlmanacnamedTime]

People just have different body types and need to get over the fake "supermodel" mentality. Until that happens... Well I've been doing about what you have (Cype, John) and I will continue to say "Dude, you should hit the gym. Your out of shape." when someone complains about lack of strength or endurance.

EDIT: to make it more clear, I'm not disparaging being fat and happy or trying to get fit, just people who talk a big game and then can't stop whining about how weak they are.

[Hayashida]

If someone complains about being out of shape and doesn't do anything about it then I'll let them know what I think, but you know, if they actually do something about it I have nothing but respect for them and I'll encourage them

that being said, if someone's out of shape and doesn't complain about it and is totally fine with it or w/e, idgaf

[CypressDahlia]

Yep. If a person is fat and happy, that's cool. I have plenty of friends who are happy with being overweight. I just don't like being snapped at for making plain-sight observations. "FAT" isn't a judgment, it's an adjective. And under no circumstance should I be expected to lie to someone about their fatness just to help them feel good about themselves.

And dude if you lack strength and endurance I would actually recommend either you swim or you learn how to breakdance lol.

[indescribable]

"Fat" as an adjective is a judgement, in my opinion. I have heard several people be called fat who are not even close to being overweight. Generally, "overweight" is a term meaning "over a 'normal' healthy weight". "Fat" just seems to be whatever someone decides is not skinny enough. Not to mention that not everyone who appears fat is actually unhealthy.

While I don't believe in giving people false compliments, I also don't believe that you should go around making unwanted "observations". People don't need you to point out their insecurities for them.

[CypressDahlia]

Fat is not a judgment, though. It is an observation based entirely on quantifiable factors. There are no assumptions being made, merely stating what one sees. That's like saying "red" is a judgment. And yeah, we can spend all day stating exceptions to the rule but it doesn't change the fact that the majority of out of shape people are unhealthy. And pinpointing small exceptions here and there doesn't do anything but provide false cover. In America it is a HUGE issue.

And TBH, people do need their insecurities pointed out to them. That's how people become better people. Most of us know our own character flaws, but probably won't do shit about them until someone points them out. It's human nature to avoid fixing what we don't perceive to be broken.

[indescribable]

Calling someone fat is what you do after making a judgement about someone based on your perceptions, which could very well be mistaken or otherwise. If you truly wish to help someone become a better person, there are much better ways of going about it than calling someone fat. Constructive criticism, guys, come on.