Urgh, this is a terrible redline. But I can make some observations with it.
Ignore the arm and hand. I did them wrong.
Her head was huge. It took boxing it in to see it, but you can see where I went from there.
You fixed the cleavage, but the heart of the problem was in her torso. For the angle it was bent, the tits and clavicles were much too high.
This bone is where the bulge in the hip starts. The skin and muscle above it spread to meet it.
Here, her hips were really, really wide considering the rest of her body. My redline retains the wide hips, but do you see how wide they look under the clothes even after I've reduced them? Protip: draw her naked first. If she looks wrong naked, she'll look wrong clothed. There's only so much you can hide.
Most drawing books tell you to rough in guidelines before committing yourself to anything. Well, do that. Your mannequin drawing is decent. Just superimpose a mannequin on any given one of your drawings. If the mannequin can't achieve the pose you have, a human probably can't.
Furthermore, if anything looks awkward on the mannequin, chances are it'll look awkward on a human as well.