I hope it's not to late, but If you still want a critique, I'm willing to show you some of the things I saw in this. This is an easy fix! You are capable of some serious stuff, so I don't think this'll be all that hard for you.
My way of critiquing things is different. I just post your picture next to a identical picture (that I drew). That way you can actually SEE what the differences are! Would that be okay?