Almanac's Ranobe. TheMachine

[AlmanacnamedTime]

Now it's coming to triple posting. Come on guys. Are you afraid to read it?

Turn 5

[Regantor]

There is no point in getting passively aggressive about it, man. You haven't commented on anybody else's work, so naturally not many people felt like commenting on yours. But anyway.

I'll give you some in-depth imput here.

The first thing that strikes me is that you have a bit of a problem with descriptions. The way that you describe "The sword was the same color of the Fortress and Sedgwick's trenchcoat.", for instance, is kind of annoying, since you say it's generally "grey", but you never actually give us any proper source of reference for what kind of grey that even is. Light grey? Ocean grey? Charcoal grey?... In a similar fashion, the symbols on the sword are just general "symbols". There was more than one architectural style during the medieval era, too. The cannon fodder guys in the first chapter? Never even get a single clothing item described.

To fix that, you'd be better off at least using descriptive adjectives like arcane, imposing, or jagged, so that we can get some sort of a feel for what you are trying to portray.

Overall the characterizations seem okay I guess, but it is hard to tell exactly what their motivations are, or what they hope to achieve at this point.

I think it could get alot better with just one or two small tweeks, basically.

[AlmanacnamedTime]

I do read other's stuff, just too busy to do so lately. I get 30 seconds here and there.

As far as the book goes, thanks for reading, and for the feedback. I will remember the adjectives. Right now it's in draft 2 when I post it. Draft 1 I almost deleted forever.

[Snooderflubbyguppy]

hmmm......... interesting...........

[AlmanacnamedTime]

Turn 6