I am really sick and it seems I can't be healed. It makes my life kind of crappy. I still try to live normally though. I am an adult already but still young. I live with my mother because I don't have a job (= no money, no apartment). I haven't told about my sickness to anyone (other than doctors).
Because of my sickness, there are things I can't do. One of those things is something that could help me find a job, just a little bit. My mother wants me to do it ofcourse. I have avoided the subject, let her whine and done everything I can to not let her know about my sickness. She either get her to forget it or she will whine and maybe think I'm lazy and useless.
I had a fever some days ago. Tough one. I didn't eat too much. When I got better, I was hungry but still tired and I was just going to go watch my fav tv show and eat the food I just made. She started suddenly whining to me and I was just trying to go and eat. She kept whining and suddenly I snapped. I said it right to her face that I can't because I'm sick and that I didn't want to tell her.
Now, she is super worried and wants to know more. She won't leave me alone on that matter. I knew this would happen if I told her. That's why I didn't want to tell her. It's not like she can make things any better. The hunger, tiredness and the fact that I hate being criticised for something that is not my fault finally got me.
I can't believe it happened. I have fooled everyone around me thinking I'm healthy when grannies are healthier than I am. One time I was speaking to a relatively large audience, I was worried that I would pass out from the pain or something but in the end, nobody noticed a thing.
Now I need a job even more than ever. She is going to keep worrying and asking. The more I tell, the worse it will be. If I get a job and move away, she might think I was just scared or something. At least I wouldn't have to deal with her and her pity. I am a very proud person. If people around me know how weak and sick I am and pity me, I can't pretend to myself I'm healthy.
I'm not sure what I'm even asking here right now. I guess I'm still in shock of what happened. I'm asking here because I know she or anyone who knows me won't probably look here. How can I get away, as far away as possible. I don't want to move away from my home town but right now, I want to move to other side of the world but got no money.