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    Inverse X Cinderella [Please Critique Me]

    I'm starting a manga project that I actually intend to completely go with.

    It's hosted here:
    http://inversexcinderella.smackjeeve...1435940/cover/

    It's read left to right.

    Description:
    This is a story loosely based off Cinderella. It has some similarities here and there, but I don't intend to completely stick to the same formula.

    At first I started with the idea that it would probably be fairly sketchy, since I'm trying to juggle with school work... Hence, backgrounds and everything was rather messy. But for some reason as I did more pages... the drawings started becoming... less sketchy...


    Right now I'm trying to figure out how to pace/flow, panel, composition, and etc.

    Please critique to your hearts content.

  2. #2
    One Thousand Member JJJorgie's Avatar
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    i like the story so far. I'm excited to know what happens next. But, it seems to me that it's moving too fast. I feel like a just read in a blur what should have taken longer. Also, the story jumped quickly from one thing to another, which could confuse the reader. Hope this helps!

  3. #3
    Palindrome Member ClockHand's Avatar
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    I feel that you know the character, but not so aware that we don't. I have no idea what is going on in the first pages, who the characters are or what do they want.

  4. #4
    To JJJorgie:
    Thanks for the input! I'll start to pace it slower and explain this more clearly.

    To ClockHand:
    I see. My original intention was to start off in the middle of a conflict and explain it as the story progressed. I'll be sure to clarify it better in later pages, since those pages are already open to public. Thanks for letting me know about this problem!

    Thank you for the critiques!

  5. #5
    Don't place astericks explaining honorifics in the middle of a panel. on http://inversexcinderella.smackjeeve...nd-of-the-day/ daddy has too long neck. Eras are also mushed. I know your combining them, but make it neater and not quite so sporadic. from what I see it has potential, but I'll have to wait until you are further along to make further judgements.
    good luck.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Captain_Neko View Post
    Don't place astericks explaining honorifics in the middle of a panel. on http://inversexcinderella.smackjeeve...nd-of-the-day/ daddy has too long neck. Eras are also mushed. I know your combining them, but make it neater and not quite so sporadic. from what I see it has potential, but I'll have to wait until you are further along to make further judgements.
    good luck.
    Thanks for the critique. I fixed the honorifics and the neck. Could you elaborate on what you mean by eras are mushed? I'm a bit confused.

  7. #7
    One Thousand Member Regantor's Avatar
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    Eh, I can kind of see what Neko is saying... Tsubasa clearly has some kind of ninja thing going on, the parents are flumpy french dukes, and the one or two pannels of average civilians we have seen look like 20s america if anything... It's clearly a fantasy universe, but I guess it is a bit jarring when people from the same town (but the same country) dress completely differant. You have plenty of time to start blending the styles (or adding large drops of your own flavour) anyway, so it probally isn't so much of a problem at the minute, mind.

    My own thoughts are that the art is generally quite nice, and the pacing does a fairly good job of holding things togeather. I'm still waiting for a really memorable moment in all honesty, but it has quality, that's for sure. :3

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