Do you want critique?
Hello It's Emi, I'm currently known as CoffeeAdict16 now, and well just post up some stories you've created and the genre is random, meaning you can post up Dark, or Funny, Gore or Romance, Action or Non Fictional and FAntasy, and whatever else you can think of.
Dude I deleted that lame arse story.
Last edited by Emi_Higurashi; 03-01-2012 at 06:07 PM.
It would be nice, I'd also like advice. thank you
Be nice, Del. >_>
You guys don't have to be nice about it, I'm actually used to the critizism and what not. so if there's a lot wrong in my story I'd like to know.
The Vanishment of Higashi Numoishi
Kano walked down the hallway of his school and kept hearing about Higashi disappearing. He paid no attention to it since the test today was occupying his mind. The girl he always used to daydream over wasn't even at the forefront of his mind either, and he walked past her without even saying "Hi" in an embarassing way. She smiled as he pasted by her, but stopped when he didn't say anything. She looked on as he continued down the hallway. Her friends giggled and started to talk in whispers at the situation while she was looking at Kano. To most, they seemed like they were already a couple; but they never spoke to each other outside of school. Kano always left early and got to school early. He was like clockwork, she thought. Predictable, dependable, and naive with relationships was another thought. Not that she didn't notice Kano's attempts to talk to her and she found him to cute and a pleasant guy. Maybe thats why she couldn't stop thinking about him. Whatever.
Kano got to his classroom and there was silence. There wasn't that morning boisterousness he was used to. Like someone had died in the class, he thought. The students were busy whispering and passing notes between each other and then they heard Kano at the door. They turned to look at him with suspicion and slight awe. He raised an eyebrow and said, "What?". He didn't receive an answer, but rather some shocked looks from the others. He continued to his seat and waited for the bell to ring so class could start. Five minutes passed, the bell rang, and Inumo-sensei poked her head around the corner of the door to say, "Kano, could you come out here please?" Kano felt confused, lost, and out of place for once. He nodded his head and walked out of the classroom to see a detective standing next to Inumo-sensei. He felt fear now, 'Oh no, what happened? Did I do something wrong?' It must've registered on his face because the dectective came over and looked at him to say, "It's alright. You aren't in trouble. I just wanted to talk to you about Tuesday night, when you went out with Higashi to the arcade." Kano bit his lip in thought and then proceeded to say, "Is this about Higashi...disappearing?" The detective nodded, "If you know anything, or saw something that wasn't right. I would like to know." Kano sighed, "Could we do this down at the station with my mom present please?" The detective nodded again, "Good kid, you know your stuff. Alright, we'll contact your mom and I'll let you drive with her if you'd like." Kano shook his head, "Nah, I'll head with you. Just let her know that I'm not in trouble...yet. If anything I say gets me trouble that is." The detective raised an eyebrow but pushed his suspicion aside. "Alright kid, let's go." He said in a cherry voice. Kano really didn't even seem anxious, nervous, or even scared. Inumo-sensei took note of that in her head as she watched Kano and the detective leave.
During the ride, memories of Tuesday night surfaced in Kano's mind. He stared out the window of the police car and didn't say anything. Silence was his trump card, he thought to himself. The detective decided to break the akward silence to ask, "So you have a girlfriend, right? I mean when I was your age, I had one." Kano didn't even look at the detective when he replied, "Nah, I really don't like having to deal with relationships. They tear you down until you have nothing left. That's what I've seen anyway." The detective was shocked by the kid. 'Poor bastard, must've had it rough.', he thought to himself about the kid. "So, you think that relationships tear you apart instead of build you up?" he asked cautiously. Kano nodded, "Yeah, nothing good comes out of it. There are those few relationship that do, but they are so rare to come across." The detective thought to himself, 'He does have a point there...'
They got to the station and his mom was waiting for them in the lobby. She raced over to Kano and hugged him to say, "Are you alright? What's going on?" He looked at her and spoke calmly, "It's about Higashi. He's...disappeared apparently." She put a hand over her mouth and a muffled 'Oh, my god' was heard. Kano nodded, "And I want to do anything that can help, since I was with him last. Remember Tuesday night? When me and him went out to that Arcade downtown?" She nodded. "Well, that's the last time he was seen." She breathed in slowly and let it out slowly, "Alright, I'm glad you're willing to cooperate with the police on this." Kano smiled, "So am I, Mom. So am I." The detective led them both to an interrogation room and asked if they wanted anything. Kano's mom asked for a cup of coffe and Kano didn't need anything, but he asked for a cup of water for later. The detective left them alone for a bit, and they both waited patiently. the detective stood next to his chief who asked, "What do you think about the kid, Aido?" The detective ran his hand through his hair and sighed, "He's alright. He's not a suspect because he's always had a good relationship with his friend Higashi and there was always the occational argument, but they always settled it themselves like grown adults." The chief nodded, "Alright, I'll take your word on this one." He patted Aido on the back and walked away.
Kano knew the system, he used to go through the system a lot. Hence how Aido knew the kid so well. He may have not of showed it, but he did. When the detective came back with his mom's coffee and his water, he knew business was underway. Aido sat across from them and he looked at Kano to say, "Well, whenever you are ready..." Kano nodded and started on his story, "Me and Higashi had been talking about going to the arcade for awhile before we went. About two to three weeks before, for a timeframe. Me and him had to do a lot of convincing to get his mom to let him go. Once we did convince her, we went almost immdiately to the arcade. I had been there a few times before and nothing bad ever happened. So I figured that be the spot to go to with him. We got there around 5 p.m. and I got a receipt to prove it too. We stayed until 8 p.m. and then we decided to leave since we didn't want to be out past curfew. We said our goodbye's and I thought he made it home. I guess I was wrong." Aido nodded, "That's legitimate since we asked the arcade owner about you two and both of your stories corrilate with each other. We can't keep you here, but we need you to stay in town. Is that alright with you, Kano?" Kano nodded, "Yeah, that's fine. I've got a school trip coming up and we're headed to the museum downtown. If you want you can have someone tail me or watch to make sure that I'm where I'm at." Aido nodded, "Eh, I can do that. No need to waste man power, if you know what I mean." Kano chuckled, "Yeah, yeah I do."
There was a crosshair set up on Aido, right on his heart. A trigger finger slowly pulling back on the trigger. Fuzzy static and loud buzz in an ear which turned out to be, "Stand down, Target Reset".
EDIT: DONT LIKE ME STORY? Well, you're SOL man....
Last edited by T1B3R1U5; 01-06-2012 at 06:40 PM.
For every two minutes of glamour, there are eight hours of hard work."
Whoa...Action packed. A calm Nerd and unusual Detective, I think you should make a sequal. I love it. And Not that type of action. You sick minded perv.
Last edited by Emi_Higurashi; 01-05-2012 at 07:44 PM.
Thanks! If you must have the need to Critique for those who HAVE to critique stries, then feel free to do so with my story.
For every two minutes of glamour, there are eight hours of hard work."
I'd say something but then again I'd be a hypocrite lol. and it really is a good story.
Last edited by Celestial-Fox; 01-06-2012 at 12:24 AM.