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Thread: My idea for a Shoujo manga; please critique.

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  1. #1
    Junior Member Saiyagal85's Avatar
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    Exclamation My idea for a Shoujo manga; please critique.

    Oddly enough, I have never been a fan of Shojo manga. The only Shojo anime I ever watched was Ouran High School Host Club. Anyway I had this idea for a story and I have a few chapters posted on flipnote hatena. (warning: amateur style art)
    Anyway, here is an idea of what my story is about. I don't think it is too cliched. If it is, I've never read a story like it.

    Title: Charmed
    Shojo manga
    Genre: romance, comedy, drama

    It is almost Valentine's day and the Valentine's Day dance is the biggest event for freshmen at Valentino High (name may be changed). Julia Singleton has always longed for a boyfriend and dreams of finding true love before the big night. However, she has never been attractive to guys. She has never had a boyfriend, been asked on a date, or even given a small friendly note that simply asked "Do you like me? Check yes or no."
    Surrounded by couples of all ages (even her ten year old sister has a boyfriend) she begins to doubt that someone as tiny and plain as her could ever find love.
    After rejections from every male she meets, she dashes out of the school yard in tears.
    On her way home, she accidentally bumps into an odd lady pushing a cart of "lucky" charms. The charms scatter everywhere and Julia began to frantically pick them up. One catches Julia's eye. A love charm, decorated with five sparkling red heats connected to a silver chain. The charm lady tells Julia that the charm she is holding is a special charm; one that will grant her heart's deepest desire. Julia clutches the charm bracelet to her chest and simply wishes that boys will love her.

    Yes, that boys will love her. Now every teenage male who touches the charm falls madly in love with Julia.
    The cliched school "hottie" that all of the girls dream of dating.
    A British foreign exchange student who is gifted in fine arts, and dreams of performing on Broadway.
    The genius and unappealing school nerd.
    And the school's star athlete, who also happens to be her best friend's boyfriend! (uh-oh!)

    At first, one touches the charm and Julia is flattered. Then as more and more touch the charm, Julia becomes overwhelmed with admirers that won't leave her alone! All of these males who once did not know of Julia's existence are now duking it out for her affection. Can Julia find true love amongst these "Charmed" admires, or can she even find true love with so many admires?

    Thank you in advance for your critiques. Please be kind and don't say "This idea sucks!" or "It's too cliched."
    The characters may seemed cliched, but trust me, their personalities are very unique. I just hope you get to see them.
    Last edited by Saiyagal85; 12-31-2011 at 10:50 AM.

  2. #2
    Regular Member SuperKasey's Avatar
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    I would read it. Hook, line and sinker. Oh and I would be rooting for the British kid :'D

    This does sound like your typical shojo manga, but it's not so overly cliche that its boring. You do of course have the classic reverse harem going on but you've got some really good tension and emotional drama and questions flying around in your plot. Do any of these boys REALLY love her? Or is it just the charm? What happens if the charm is destroyed or it's effects wear off!? What if someone finds out what she's up to? There's a lot at stake here for the character and I think this story is off to a great start :3
    "Join Luthor in Ultraman's fortress and leave Superwoman to me and my mustache."

  3. #3
    Junior Member Saiyagal85's Avatar
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    Thanks! I understand that it may seem a little cliched, but I hope that my audience will either be laughing too hard to care, or are madly in love with the characters' personalities. Personally I think a good manga has lovable and unique characters. That is one thing I am working on. Here is a pic of Aidan and Julia modeling the school uniform. (Aidan is not one of the characters described above, he is just my favorite.)

    I'll ink and color the pic after I make some changes.
    You've been CHARMED!

  4. #4
    Devilish Member Slurpee's Avatar
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    I would read it too. The plot seems very well grounded.

  5. #5
    101 Dalmations Member Shindoutou's Avatar
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    Sounds promising! I'm not a fan of Shojo manga myself, but I'd read this.

    That school uniform looks a bit plain though, if you ask me.

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