I am letting school get to me big time. Didn't do so hot last quarter, and last year ugh I did pretty awful spring quarter. Saw a shrink over the summer to try to work out whatever anxiety/stress was holding me back from doing my best but I guess I didn't take care of it all 'cause I'm just falling right back into it all. I may quite possibly be depressed. If i'm not already depressed then I'm definitely on the verge of it. I'm just very unhappy and on my bad days... well it's just no fun. I'm a bit scared of the counselors at my school for no good reason. Probably because I'm afraid that if I go talk to them and get diagnosed with something it will make it more real. <- I do a lot of introspection, and I'm very very tough on myself. I criticize everything I do, from how I look to how I do in school on any given day to my art to how I treat others, I'm constantly putting myself down. And I'm lonely. One of my friends a year ago just cut themselves off from all of us and it really affected me to the point that I think I'm hesitant to try to make new friends or let people get really close to me for fear that they'll leave me and make me miserable again. This basically means that im isolating myself and making myself even more miserable. Ugh it's so stupid because I know what's wrong with me, but I'm not doing anything to fix it. Or I'm afraid to do what I need to to fix it. My mom wants me to transfer schools because she thinks this is an unhealthy environment for me. This is probably true (too much pressure from all around me to do well and no support system), but I dont know what to do. She suggested this after I had an emotional breakdown... which happened the day after I had another emotional breakdown in front of my best friend. I'm already at the end of my third year and transferring for one year seems pointless... I'm just very unhappy and very stressed and nearing my breaking point and it's all over things that aren't exactly tangible (except classes) which makes it hard for me to figure out how to reverse things. UUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGH!!!!! bah humbug. Art is my escape. It's stress management for me and I love it, but any periods of heavy art usually indicate that I'm going through a lot of stress
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