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Thread: -Saturn Lander- [Launch!] [Chp 01, pg 5/30]

  1. #1
    One Thousand Member Regantor's Avatar
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    -Saturn Lander- [Launch!] [Chp 01, pg 5/30]

    Title may or may not be permanent. Cover pending.

    It has super amazing sparkly realism.

    Random comments, suggestions or critiques highly appreciated. >_>

    -01-

    -02-

    -03-

    -04-

    -05-

  2. #2
    Fenn
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    Hooked already. Not a fan of the character designs but that's purely personal taste, not a critique.

    Too early to judge much else. Backstory is, technological advances aside, quite believable.

  3. #3
    Junior Member Phoenix's Avatar
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    Very nice. As Fenn
    Quote Originally Posted by Fenn View Post
    Hooked already.
    I think your artwork is just fine. A little unfinished maybe?? Still seems very sketchy..?
    I thought the character introduced in the first panel on page 4 was a girl..
    The lips look a little too feminine. But it's hard to draw lips, so they look male..I know..

    Then something about the panels. The best way to arrange panels, is that the vertical area between two panels is smaller than the horizontal one. If you know what I mean?
    Example, on this tutorial in the top right corner you'll see what I mean. http://mayshing.deviantart.com/galle...fset=24#/dulli
    Not said that it has to be those exact measures, but you'll get the point.
    It makes it much much easier to read, because it is not as compressed as you do it: With equal space between each panel.

    Oh, and one last thing. On panel 4 on page 4, you maybe want to include the person with the hat, just the back, so you can see that the person on the chair is behind the boy. But this is only because when I read it through the first time, I thought he had left the other person before that person said: "Excuse me. Boy?"
    But I got it the other time I read it through. But you want to make your reader know what's going on, so they don't have to read it again. If you know what I mean?

    Here is just a very quick sketch of what I meant about what I said. Don't have any drawing tablet , so it's done with mouse, so bear with me.
    I do my drawings in hand so..


    Hope you found this helpful. I just started critiqueing (is that even a word?) on people's stuff so..

    Looking forward to see some more ^^

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  4. #4
    One Thousand Member Regantor's Avatar
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    Sweet, some pretty good replies already. :3

    Quote Originally Posted by Fenn
    Hooked already. Not a fan of the character designs but that's purely personal taste, not a critique.
    The alternative was a rough tough space marine guy and a delinquent space princess... So, yeah, lol, I chose the 'rustic' option instead. But opinions noted... :/

    Cheers for the comment, anyhow, Fenn-guy. I'm glad you liked it, it's good for the confidence. ;I

    Quote Originally Posted by Phoenix
    I think your artwork is just fine. A little unfinished maybe?? Still seems very sketchy..?
    Gwah, well, yeah, sorry. My lineart is still pretty horrible since I can never use pens correctly. :/

    Quote Originally Posted by Phoenix
    I thought the character introduced in the first panel on page 4 was a girl..
    The lips look a little too feminine. But it's hard to draw lips, so they look male..I know..
    It is a girl, ha! You were right the first time! But Entina is basically a dude, so it's fair game. Note the "Big sis!" in the very last panel.

    Quote Originally Posted by Phoenix
    Then something about the panels. The best way to arrange panels, is that the vertical area between two panels is smaller than the horizontal one. If you know what I mean?
    This is actually pretty helpful, thanks for the advice. I'm never sure where I stand with paneling. -_-

    Quote Originally Posted by Phoenix
    Oh, and one last thing. On panel 4 on page 4, you maybe want to include the person with the hat, just the back, so you can see that the person on the chair is behind the boy.
    Now that you mention it... Yeah. I can see why you were confused. I'll add him in during the next upload probably.

    Anyway. Yeah. Cheers for being awesome, Phoenix. Your honesty is pretty damn helpful. :3

  5. #5
    Junior Member Phoenix's Avatar
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    I'm glad that you found my comments useful.
    So she is a girl... lol.. It was that "Excuse me. Boy?" thing that confused me^^

    I have but one critique more.
    On page 5, panel 3 - I believe that you were trying to show us that she is leaving the room they are in eh?? Again, it's not clear (not to me) that she are leaving the room. Again you could use the thing I said about the other panel. By showing the back of the other men in the room, and make her going for the door, doing the same pose. Or maybe even turn it around, so that you see the girl close, and the other too behind..
    Here I'll give you an example again:


    Again, just a very quick sketch.

    And btw - the link I gave you to that panelling tutorial, see all the pages from that tutorial through. I found them very helpful. I think you will too. ^^

    Hey, and btw again.
    Thanks for the nice quote!
    Quote Originally Posted by Regantor View Post
    Cheers for being awesome, Phoenix.
    Now I have an awesome quote to go in my signature! lol...
    Last edited by Phoenix; 12-02-2011 at 06:52 PM.

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  6. #6
    One Thousand Member Regantor's Avatar
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    Eh, is it that unclear? Damn. I will probably fix it eventually... but to be honest, since I can't just edit it like I can with the first problem, I'll more likely come back later rather than get bogged down now with that one. :/

    The paneling tutorials I'm definitely keeping for reference, at least, so no worries.

    As for your sig... People are totally gonna find a way to take that out of context, lol. XD

  7. #7
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    Nice to see another work from you, Reg!

    Backstory and concept, as usual, are great - seems to me like your paneling and composition are continually getting better. Keep doing what you're doing, I suppose :P

    Looking forward to more!

  8. #8
    Fifty Fifty Member Bacon_Barbarian's Avatar
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    I'll ... See how this goes. I don't want to get attached to anything yet. Just keep up the good work! :O
    My AA thread - Updated 06/28/14

    Quote Originally Posted by Celestial-Fox View Post
    You're my favorite.

  9. #9
    101 Dalmations Member GAbRieLWrIgHt's Avatar
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    the guy in last panel looks pedifulliscous(not a word) just sayin

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