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Thread: New storyplot idea, and first character design

  1. #1
    Junior Member Phoenix's Avatar
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    New storyplot idea, and first character design

    Hello everyone.
    I'm new to this forum so..

    I have in a long time wanted to make my own manga. But I am "shit" at making good stories for it. But I have finally come up with something I think might work.
    But I would really like if you would read the storyplot, and tell if you think it would be a good story for a manga, and what I maybe could do with and so on.


    Dreams

    The main character (a guy) somehow comes into some sort of dream world. (Don't really know how yet? Ideas?) And in this dream world, he literally gets run into by a girl, who turns out to be a "fallen Angel". She has escaped from the hands of an evil scientist, who are experimenting her. (He want to use here power for bad things. Yea she has some kind of powers) Then the main character, is helping this fallen angel, from getting cought again, and also he must help her reach the port to heaven, before she runs out of energy. It is weakening for her to be down on earth, and she must get back to heaven before she is all out, and dies. (also have an idea, that they get some sort of item, that gives her the energy back, right before she is all out?)
    The guy and the girl, (ofcourse) fall in love at the end, and when they are about to kiss, before she goes back to heaven, right before their lips touch, she fades away into heaven. The guy then wake up, and find himself in his room. Thinks to
    himself. It was only a dream. The next day at school, a new student starts in his class. The fallen angel from his dreams. Their eyes meet, and the story ends.



    Please tell me what you think of the plot, and if you have some ideas for the things written inside the ( ).

    Hope you like it.
    Last edited by Phoenix; 01-09-2012 at 01:59 PM.

  2. #2
    Junior Member AlphaShard's Avatar
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    ... It is so... generic... dude, that is so like an AI shoujo (starts fake/robot/dream, ends real)
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  3. #3
    Fifty Fifty Member Bacon_Barbarian's Avatar
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    Ignore Alpha, this is where it belongs. He's right though, it's very generic, you have so little fleshed out. And how can some boy help her, if she can't do anything and she has powers? How did he get there in the first place.
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  4. #4
    Fenn
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    Hm...yes very generic but I bet you can rework it. Just decide what you DEFINITELY want to keep and the rest can be unclicheified. Yeah, just made that up.

    For instance, you can keep the fallen angel but remove the dream part. And maybe pull a creative twist, like the scientist was actually going to use her powers to end world hunger and the guy ends up preventing this (ironic comedy). Or the angel is actually a demon in disguise, and is working with the scientist (tragedy). Or something else less stereotypical.

  5. #5
    Junior Member Phoenix's Avatar
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    Thanks for the comments. Again, I am not very good at making up a good story, but I'll try to make this better.
    And by the way, I from Denmark, and my english is not the best yet, so I don't quite understand the word "generic".. :P

  6. #6
    Junior Member AlphaShard's Avatar
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    No, I saw it was his first post; this is in the right spot. I have not-too-good English...
    Generic: Average, overused, cliched, etc

  7. #7
    Junior Member Phoenix's Avatar
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    Okay, thank you. Now your comments makes more sense ^^

  8. #8
    Junior Member Phoenix's Avatar
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    New storyplot idea

    What about:
    That the main character ( a guy) in the beginning finds this crystal, that opens a portal into the world where he meets the girl(the fallen angel) who has escaped from the hands of the evil guy, but it's not her he wants. He wants the crystal which the boy have, but belongs to her. The crystal contains great powers which the evil guy needs to rule the world. But the girl needs it too, because it is the key, the way of getting back to heaven where she belongs. Now the guy only wants to get back to where he was before, and the crystal can again help him getting back. But it's only at one end of the world, that they'll be able to get back.
    And so the story goes and they are getting hunted down by evil guys, and at some point the evil guy get a hold on the crystal, but the guy and the girl gets it back, and reaches the point where they can activate the portal..
    And then the end, I haven't thought more about yet.

    What do you think about that?
    Last edited by Phoenix; 11-28-2011 at 10:46 AM.

  9. #9
    Junior Member AlphaShard's Avatar
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    Now it's generic shonen.

  10. #10
    Junior Member Phoenix's Avatar
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    Okay.. It's just hard to come up with something that is not generic.. Very hard..

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