Tag's Light-Novel "Hanako" ( W.I.P)

[tag654]

it errors out otherwise

[tag654]

what ill do though,is once ur done reading ill change all of this to the next pages,and do it that way...the main thing im trying to do with this story is give it arcs...and make it very unique from most animes/mangas...but still capture the audience and be a long running manga series.

[Peteman]

Wow, this is pretty well thought out, a bit cliche, but then again cliches and tropes become cliches and tropes generally because they work. My biggest issue though is, if the world is about to collapse into anarchy, how is a hospital able to run and why does she go to highschool? For that matter if she wakes up at sixteen she's mist out on 10 years worth of education, she'd barely be able to read and would thus be unable to attend highschool.

At what point does the economy start to collapse? Because it would severly hinder the HEX groups ability to fund the research. How do they get the money anyway, if there spending all thier time 'doing science'? I'm confused about Hanoko's mother relationship with her daughter. Initially it seemed she sold her to them out of desparation. But then it turns out she's part of the group itself.

Other than that, this obviously had alot of effort and thought put into it.

[Fenn]

As for posting, it's usually a small bit of text that's causing issues. It's a pain, and I've lost many rants to it before. Try posting bits at a time, then preview, then add and preview again, so if it errors it doesn't delete everything and you can hit back.

[tag654]

tried,It worked for the few post I did,then it got smaller and smaller,but Im going to try something.

Also,

1.Hospitals run because theyre a medical profession

2.School is education

So basically,If you look at it,world in worse economic state ever,The only jobs that are still availiable are the ones dealing with those 3 (medical,Education,and mostly gov. jobs)

knowing this,one could say that there are very few people working at the schools though,meaning a sixth grade class taught by like 2 teachers would be 6th,7th and 8th - taught by 1 teacher.


See all the other jobs are pretty much bankrupt.


about her intelligence - me and my co- writer haven't really came up with an explanation for these,but I guess u could say that the formula enhanced the way the brain could comprehend different things and different ways to perceive so....That would mean her brain is not smarter,it can just "keep up" and update itself putting 2 and 2 together,learning things.

If you have better explanations to solve this,please do state it!XD

[Maxx_Wellington]

Tag, I don't want you to think I forgot about your story or lost interest, I am just still trying to digest all the info. I will post a comment when I am done reading and am happy that you have more followers

[tag654]

Thread revived?XD

Anyone who cares to critique the storyline?give ideas?

[tag654]

So I need some opinions from writers readers on how to or how I should do arcs in my story or planning,like.....How/where would you put in an antagonist...? stuff like that....

Thanks,If commented upon

[ClockHand]

First of all you need to ask yourself "what is the story going to tell?". Is going to be about a man fighting against nature? against another man? against himself?. Then ask yourself "why?", is he fighting against nature to save his family from a tsunami? is he fighting against another man for power? is he fighting against himself because of the fear on his own evil?

Then you build the protagonist and antagonist, both must have clear personalities, personalities that are going to state the point on the story. You don't want to bend the story so the protagonist have to face the antagonist, its better if the protagonist or antagonist chose the conflict.

An arc is finally a chapter of a big achievement or recognition from the protagonist. Let's take by example: X character have low self stem, the antagonist does bully to him but X is tired about it so he train and finally confront his bully. Finally X learn a lesson from both training (life experience) and his confrontation against his bully. And that basically resume an arc.

[tag654]

@clockhand

yeah,I get it,a bit.

I understand the fundamentals around positioning antagonists and stuff somewhat (not trying to contradict myself XD),Im just asking for examples,i guess....Its like,mentally I know what I must do...but I need a good example to understand completely,not that your example wasnt good....

.................................................. .................................................. ............
Me and my writer,we made it this far....but our story is just very broad with no real definition of battles or multiple antagonists like in one piece or naruto,where you have people they go against along the way.


Better yet Ill rephrase the question(Now realizing the question I meant to ask):

How would I put battles/fighting against antagonists in my story or in a story?

I think this question puts more emphasis on the fact that I have no clue how to plan(?) a fight scene in a story?


Anyways,If anyone understands what Im saying,then please feel free to elaborate XD



links to my story,if willing to read -

link:http://www.scribd.com/doc/73156503/Hanako-Storyline

-Tag


use this one,if ur getting trouble with the other:

http://www.mediafire.com/?ba4lmawyjz4wnfp