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Thread: Tag's Light-Novel "Hanako" ( W.I.P)

  1. #1
    Regular Member tag654's Avatar
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    Question Tag's Light-Novel "Hanako" ( W.I.P)

    Well Before I start,I want to say a few things,one this is copyrighted so far....so It cant be stolen,so please don't try

    And lastly,I'm open to comments,questions,help(),and or critiques on the overall story or advice for it to get better....BTW- This is long so just bear with it XD

    This is the original copy from when Me and my writer came up with..so you'll find comments from some people in our group.first part is a timeline and then the other part which is the FULL Storyline:Enjoy.


    -Tag



    [EDITED]
    Last edited by tag654; 10-05-2013 at 12:23 AM.

  2. #2
    ok Tag, I get that you are proud of your story, however here, we don't steal art or stories. We all know the pride our accomplisment gives us and this is a safe haven for you to post your stuff for friendly advice on it, free of theives.

    now on to the story. I got confused trying to read your story through your site. Could you please post just the story on here? I am very excited to read it!

  3. #3
    Regular Member tag654's Avatar
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    I cant man,whenever I try it
    it gives me an error,story/plotline is like 20 pages long dude...

    unless theres away to post that much on here without getting the error?

  4. #4
    Try posting it section by section in here. if it is too long, then only post what you can in one reply.

  5. #5
    Regular Member tag654's Avatar
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    Here is the timeline...

    [EDITED]
    Last edited by tag654; 10-05-2013 at 12:23 AM.

  6. #6
    Regular Member tag654's Avatar
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    what ill do though,is once ur done reading ill change all of this to the next pages,and do it that way...the main thing im trying to do with this story is give it arcs...and make it very unique from most animes/mangas...but still capture the audience and be a long running manga series.

  7. #7
    Ying Yang Member Peteman's Avatar
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    Wow, this is pretty well thought out, a bit cliche, but then again cliches and tropes become cliches and tropes generally because they work. My biggest issue though is, if the world is about to collapse into anarchy, how is a hospital able to run and why does she go to highschool? For that matter if she wakes up at sixteen she's mist out on 10 years worth of education, she'd barely be able to read and would thus be unable to attend highschool.

    At what point does the economy start to collapse? Because it would severly hinder the HEX groups ability to fund the research. How do they get the money anyway, if there spending all thier time 'doing science'? I'm confused about Hanoko's mother relationship with her daughter. Initially it seemed she sold her to them out of desparation. But then it turns out she's part of the group itself.

    Other than that, this obviously had alot of effort and thought put into it.

  8. #8
    Fenn
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    As for posting, it's usually a small bit of text that's causing issues. It's a pain, and I've lost many rants to it before. Try posting bits at a time, then preview, then add and preview again, so if it errors it doesn't delete everything and you can hit back.

  9. #9
    Regular Member tag654's Avatar
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    Cool

    tried,It worked for the few post I did,then it got smaller and smaller,but Im going to try something.

    Also,

    1.Hospitals run because theyre a medical profession

    2.School is education

    So basically,If you look at it,world in worse economic state ever,The only jobs that are still availiable are the ones dealing with those 3 (medical,Education,and mostly gov. jobs)

    knowing this,one could say that there are very few people working at the schools though,meaning a sixth grade class taught by like 2 teachers would be 6th,7th and 8th - taught by 1 teacher.


    See all the other jobs are pretty much bankrupt.


    about her intelligence - me and my co- writer haven't really came up with an explanation for these,but I guess u could say that the formula enhanced the way the brain could comprehend different things and different ways to perceive so....That would mean her brain is not smarter,it can just "keep up" and update itself putting 2 and 2 together,learning things.

    If you have better explanations to solve this,please do state it!XD

  10. #10
    Tag, I don't want you to think I forgot about your story or lost interest, I am just still trying to digest all the info. I will post a comment when I am done reading and am happy that you have more followers

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