Tag's Light-Novel "Hanako" ( W.I.P)

[tag654]

Celes,I don't get how it'd be the same. I want to be my own editor/writer...but I,as Matt has shown,am very ameateur from what I though was "good". I'm not asking for someone to edit my work,I am asking for someone to pass down their wisdom,and help me,become more like you guys,so I can finish my Light Novel "correctly",before going any further.

Btw - For a paid job,how much would it be,for future refrence...


But yeah,I just need some teaching in proper scripting,grammar,and such.

Thanks Matt,for clarity of the Light Novel stuff...I read it anyway,lol,I wouldn't have noticed any of that. Though,how much of a step up is that PDF's author up from me,just so I know where I am? I'm guessing like a 2{me} vs.a 6{them} ?

[Matt]

First of all, you should make a habit of typing in proper English, because you learn better by applying knowledge rather than reading about it. I can tell you all I know, but that'll make no difference if you don't practice.

A few pointers:

1. Put a space after a comma, but not before. Like that.
2. When you trail off... put a space after the ellipses.
3. Amateur is spelled amateur.
4. Periods, commas, exclamation points, and question marks generally go inside the quotation marks if you have them. "Like this," "this!" or "this?" There's more to it than that, but that's probably good for now.
5. Proper nouns are capitalized. Nouns are not. Therefore, "Matt" is capitalized while "light novel" is not.
6. I'm probably going to say this every single time, but read legitimate English-language books. Light novels are fine too, though I'd highly recommend reading officially translated ones rather than fan-translated ones. You can read Sword Art Online, but do realize that it's highly flawed.

Giving out numerical ratings for skill really isn't my thing. As far as I'm concerned, there are infinite levels you can achieve, so rating you 1-10 would be detrimental if everything.

[tag654]

Ok Matt. Ill try and practice these things....I might also,go look at some books that ive read,like the Harry Potter and analyze that,though if I remember correctly,that wasnt written in 3rd person.

Hmmmm,If you know of any Series-Fantasy-Fiction Books that are third person,feel free to let me know...trying to find something in the style that im writing.

Also,I mainly wanted to ask...How do you elaborate and re-write something,like youive done above so many times.I want to go back and try and re-write things correctly,though I saw that you took something,for example, the beggining of my prolouge,and totally redid it and added abit more.I wish to do that,though I dont understand how to go about with detailing and such.Examples would be appreciated.I also apreciated you helping me,if I remember,your like the first one to comment when I made this thread,so yea,thanks.So,I will proceed in edits and such after you reply.

[Celestial-Fox]

I am paid very little for my work. My pay right now amounts to be under the national poverty line. I work unpaid overtime. I am in the office until 4 am on school nights. The turnover rate for student workers at the newspaper is high, because it is a very intense job with little monetary reward.

That being said, though, I can already see that you have a fundamental misunderstanding of what an editor actually does. Editing one standard-length (not light) novel can take about a year. I will tell you right now that it doesn't take a year's worth of hours to fix commas and grammar.

Rather, an editor is spending that time making plot suggestions, revising entire acts of the story, simplifying language where dense, and many other things. Some editors tell writers to rewrite the book entirely. Seriously.

If that isn't a mentor, then I don't know what is. Punctuation and grammar come last. An editor who sees potential in someone, no matter if the person has formal training, is the ultimate teacher.

It is hard work for both parties involved. To expect someone to do a line-critique (like Matt has done for you) every time you post—for free—is a really hefty expectation, because it takes a long time to do it. I used to type out that kind of stuff for him, but I've been so busy lately that I can't.

Now that doesn't mean that no one will help you out. But sometimes you have to understand that an editor/mentor job is very time-consuming and hard to prioritize when there is no gain from it. So sometimes you'll only get two paragraphs of seemingly rough critique, and other times you'll get a nice line-by-line.

You can raise your chances of finding an editor buddy by showing determination, by taking action and changing your writing right away. Editors like to see that. If you follow Matt's basic instructions in his last post, that would already be a start.

Then, make sure your story is quality. It's hard to read a book that is boring, and it's absolute torture to edit one. You have to keep in interesting. People don't want to draw comics from a boring script; editors don't want to guide a story with a weak premise.

Think about what skill set you have to offer us—not the other way around.

[tag654]

Ok thanks celes. , Maybe I should watch bakuman again,lol,,,Now I understand...Yeah,editors guide and mentor,your right. :P

I will try hard to improve and have you guys want to work with me. :P

Though you never truly answered my question,like,what is the actual pay...? Maybe when I get a job,sometime this next month, I will think about trying to work something out with one of you and actually have an editor,though I want to try and make my story decent so its not to much a hassle when it comes to the editors part. And you said something about your pay being below that of poverty level,i find that a bit cruel.Ill make sure to pay the editor I have,fair wage,nothing below minimum wage.

I wont let you guys down,waiting for Matt's words of wisdom on expanding and re-writing areas of a story,before I start re-dediting and reviewing what I have.

[Matt]

If you're okay with some fairly brutal content, I'd highly recommend A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin. It's set about seven hundred years before the time period you're writing in, but it's so darn good and it's one of my greatest influences. It's definitely not in your style, but I recommend it anyway. (For that matter, it's not really in my style either. My stories are comparatively soft.)

Otherwise, Harry Potter, Discworld, Mistborn, and pretty much anything in the YA fantasy genre is good. For your specific genre, urban fantasy, maybe Maximum Ride? That edges into sci-fi a bit. Maybe Harry Potter. I'm not quite sure. I don't read a lot of urban fantasy, though I definitely should.

Rewriting isn't too hard. You take something that's already been written and you write it how you think it should be. Summarize it in your head, identify what the existing passage is trying to say, then rewrite it so it says that as simply as possible. For example:

Four score years past, seven great heroes triumphed over a great, seemingly unbeatable evil after a long, bloody battle.

would become:

Eighty years ago, seven heroes defeated a great evil.

Writers rewrite their own stuff a heck of a lot. I'd rather not plug my own stuff, but it's the best example I can think of--over in my writing thread, I have three versions of a story called Siren Song, and they get better with each rewrite as I identify what I want the story to be about and who the characters really are. In the first draft, my heroines are poorly fleshed-out because at that point, I'm still trying to figure their personalities out. This gets even worse in the second draft while the setting gets better--I focused on setting up the main city and the level of technology, but neglect character believability. In the third draft, I've got both the setting and characters figured out. I actually say less about them in the third draft, but that's because I realized that I was dumping too much information at once in the previous drafts.

Writers have to read nearly as much as they write. So read everything you can.

-

EDIT: I don't mean to keep ignoring you, Seefy. For the past few days, I've had this thread open after my posts, but never refreshed the page. If it seems like I'm not paying any attention to your posts, it's not intentional. Tag, you should listen to everything Seefy says. She's been a mentor of sorts for me over the past couple years, so I can vouch for the quality of her words.

[tag654]

Thanks for the reccomendations,and yeah I respect both of you.


*EDIT*

Matt,
I re-wrote,and incorperated what you said/edited above...Just trying to figure out whats good and not.

SPOILER! :

Ten thousand years ago, there was a civilization not quite as technologically advanced as we are, they were named, “The Mythics.” They had abilities--but only a few people displayed them. Researchers figured out that everyone had the potential to have such abilities. Unfortunately, no one knew how to unlock these abilities--until these people discovered six unusual gems, deep within the Earth. With these six gems, they were able to use these powers, and do things by which; no ordinary human should.
On the other hand, another world was nearing its end,at around that same time. Desperate, its occupants fled and landed on the world mentioned. The Mythics perceived the refugees as aliens and opened the hostilities with their newly unlocked abilities. However, they were no match for the "aliens." In a battle to protect themselves, the "aliens" fought hard, pitting their technology against The Mystics’ abilities. The Mystics’ powers were phenomenal, but no match, due to their lack of understandment of their newfound abilities. The Mystics were exterminated not too long after the clash of the two beings,in a war that lasted roughly one-hundred years.

Also,what the heck is a "passive voice" ?

Word keeps saying that:

they were named...

The Mystics were exterminated...

are a passive voices,and that I should fix it.



Btw,I have a question about the time jumps...In my prolouge,I suggested an event happened with the war 10,000 years ago,and the arrival of another species,etc.

But to show the transition,how should I show the date.Saying something like present day,wouldnt really show much if Im trying to go twenty years before the present. If this makes any sense,please care to help me.Thanks.

[Celestial-Fox]

SPOILER! :

Passive voice:
She became angered by the situation.

Active:
The situation angered her.

As a rule, active voice is more engaging than passive. In journalism, writing must be 100% in active. In fiction, passive voice is allowed sometimes for artistic styling. Just try to avoid it as much as you can.

[tag654]

Ok Thanks Celes.

Are their certain phrases I should stay away for them,like...

Became _____ , were _____

And in what text are the above words in,as in adjetive,etc. Again thanks the reply Celes. Waiting for Matt,or yourself to help me with the other twoi matters and I should be good for awhile.

Happy Holidays,Merry Christmas

[Celestial-Fox]

Active sentence structure is {subject} {verb} {object}.
Sally walked the dog.

Passive structure is {object} {verb} {subject}.
The dog was walked by Sally.

The Mystics*** were exterminated not too long after the clash of the two beings,in a war that lasted roughly one-hundred years.

*** "Mythics"?
This complex sentence could be simply punctuated differently to be active. However, changing the wording makes it easier to read. The active rewording for this passage is as follows:
The two beings clashed in a century-long war, which exterminated the Mystics shortly thereafter.

The "they were named" sentence is actually in active voice. However, it's improperly punctuated with a comma splice, which is making Word believe there is a problem. Change the comma before "they" to a period, and the issue is fixed.