Nursery Rhyme

**Maxx_Wellington** · 11-14-2011, 10:21 PM

Chapter 1: The red file

Steve walks into his boss’ office.
Mac: Steve, glad you could make it. Have a seat.
Steve sits
Steve: Look, if this is about that bum I arrested last week, you can shove it. He had it coming.
Mac: Damn it Steve! He was an 85 year old man having a seizure!
Steve: …
Mac: I give up. You got one last chance. Here.
Mac slides a red folder across the desk.
Steve: What’s this? Another goose chase?
Mac: The local authority is up to their ass with disappearances and murders. They are getting no responses from forensics. It’s like the kids are being teleported.
Steve: How come I haven’t heard of this?
Mac: Cause, you arrogant prick, you’ve been too busy banging brauds and assaulting seniors to actually read a 5 cent newspaper. And besides, they aren’t happening here.
Steve: What do you mean? Where are they?
Mac: In a little town called (Poll Name). 15 disappearances and 23 unidentified murders.
Steve: Unidentified? How can 23 people be unknown in a small town?
Mac: You’ll see when you get there tomorrow morning.
Steve gets up and takes the folder to the door.
Mac: Steve, remember that you are on probation. If I hear of you even threatening someone, you are fired.
Steve: Anything else?
Mac: Yeah, take care of yourself.
Steve: Say hi to Stacy and Amy for me.
Mac:: That boy will be the cause of my early retirement.
Steve is alone in his apartment. On the phone
Steve: Hey, it’s me. Yeah I know I am late, but something came up.
Amy: Another girl?
Steve: No it’s not another girl
Amy: Don’t lie. My dad always tells me what a player you are.
Steve: Amy, look: your dad sent me on this assignment out of town
Amy: Well, when do you have to start?
Steve: I have to leave tonight
Amy: Where do you have to go?
Steve: (Poll Name)
Amy: Well, can I come?
Steve: I’d rather not, honey. It sounds really dangerous.
Amy:..Oh, there’s my dad calling. I’d better go, but I want you to call me every day.
Steve: Promised. And Amy, when I get back, we’ll tell your dad.

Chapter 2: Welcome to (Pollname)

Title is used during first shot when Steve drives his Camero past the welcome sign. Stopping, Steve gets out with a duffle bag in hand. He is sucking on a sphere lollipop.
Steve: So, this is the infamous (pollname). Looks… peaceful.
Steve checks into a motel. There is a young, shy woman behind the counter.
Hanna: H-hello. Can I help you?
Steve: Yes, I would like to get a room.
Hanna: Oh, I’m sorry. Welcome to The Old Woman’s Shoe. My name is Hanna. W-would you be wanting a room for yourself?
Steve: Yeah, just me.
Hanna: Ok. Well we have many rooms to choose from, do you have any preferences?
Steve: Do you have any overlooking the town?
Hanna: Pardon?
Steve: Any with a view.
Hanna: Oh, yes, Room 29. Will you be staying just for the night?
Steve: Might as well stay for a while.
Hanna slams the record book closed after Steve signs it.
Hanna: I should warn you, sir, don’t venture out past 8pm.
Steve: Why not?
Hanna: That’s when Willy Winkie comes.
Steve: Who’s he?
Hanna: Sorry, I have to go
Steve raises his hand and is only able to say one word before she rushes out, leaving the key to room 29 on the desk.
Steve: Wait.
Steve grabs the key and heads to his room. He lays on the bed, the ceiling fan spinning slowly above him. Suddenly, he hears a thump at the door. Pulling out his trusty gun, he puts his back on the wall near the door, gun ready, and slowly opens it. He hears another thump and looks down. A book lays on its face in the doorway. Looking out the window to make sure he was safe, Steve opens the door and grabs the book. It is a book of nursery rhymes with a note in the front cover.
Book: A survival guide. But remember, nothing is as it seems.

**corastaur** · 11-15-2011, 10:03 PM

This sounds pretty interesting. The conversations between the characters feel very natural and it all seems to flow nicely. I found myself getting sucked into it which is always a good thing

Gotta admit tho i'm not too fond of any of the town name options, but I can't think of one yet

**Maxx_Wellington** · 11-16-2011, 12:28 PM

I wanted to name the town something to do with a nursery rhyme... perferably Mother Goose`s.. I would love to find a nursery rhyme in which there is the name of a city

**Maxx_Wellington** · 11-20-2011, 02:08 AM

@Corastaur: How did you get your monkey smileys?

@the mass of viewers I have! (sarcasm intended): sorry this is taking too long. I am currently working on a bunny doll so that I can make em for christmas and then I will make a stick-figure style manga of what I got so far, since I want to start it visual, although I lack the character designs per say..

Although I do know that Steve is a dencently built close shaved guy (the kind of bald guy that has a dark ora of hair on his head) and his boss is a fat guy with a fat mustache.

Neat tid-bit: if you hold down CTRL and hit backspace, you erase a word at a time... didn't know that

**Maxx_Wellington** · 12-01-2011, 07:59 PM

here is the first two pages of the comic. Mind you, this is only a draft, so I know there's a lot of anatomical mistakes... hope it passes though (and is legable)

SPOILER! :

PS: I know it's big, I only did that so that you guys can read it...

Fenn · 12-01-2011, 09:17 PM

Me gusta. Definitely drags you in, plenty of conflict and potential for more conflict, fairly interesting characters.

**Maxx_Wellington** · 12-01-2011, 09:36 PM

thanks Fen... I am just wondering if the choice of film noir with selective colouring (like in the films/books The Spirit and Sin City) with added extreme greyscale (to prevent loss of info) is a good choice for this story.... it's a psychokiller thriller kinda thing (my attempt at a horror)