View Poll Results: What should the name of the town be?

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  • Gooseburg

    1 25.00%
  • Nestville

    1 25.00%
  • Rhymeland

    1 25.00%
  • Other (if so, add it in a message

    1 25.00%
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Thread: Nursery Rhyme

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  1. #1

    Thumbs up Nursery Rhyme

    Chapter 1: The red file

    Steve walks into his bossí office.
    Mac: Steve, glad you could make it. Have a seat.
    Steve sits
    Steve: Look, if this is about that bum I arrested last week, you can shove it. He had it coming.
    Mac: Damn it Steve! He was an 85 year old man having a seizure!
    Steve: Ö
    Mac: I give up. You got one last chance. Here.
    Mac slides a red folder across the desk.
    Steve: Whatís this? Another goose chase?
    Mac: The local authority is up to their ass with disappearances and murders. They are getting no responses from forensics. Itís like the kids are being teleported.
    Steve: How come I havenít heard of this?
    Mac: Cause, you arrogant prick, youíve been too busy banging brauds and assaulting seniors to actually read a 5 cent newspaper. And besides, they arenít happening here.
    Steve: What do you mean? Where are they?
    Mac: In a little town called (Poll Name). 15 disappearances and 23 unidentified murders.
    Steve: Unidentified? How can 23 people be unknown in a small town?
    Mac: Youíll see when you get there tomorrow morning.
    Steve gets up and takes the folder to the door.
    Mac: Steve, remember that you are on probation. If I hear of you even threatening someone, you are fired.
    Steve: Anything else?
    Mac: Yeah, take care of yourself.
    Steve: Say hi to Stacy and Amy for me.
    Mac:: That boy will be the cause of my early retirement.
    Steve is alone in his apartment. On the phone
    Steve: Hey, itís me. Yeah I know I am late, but something came up.
    Amy: Another girl?
    Steve: No itís not another girl
    Amy: Donít lie. My dad always tells me what a player you are.
    Steve: Amy, look: your dad sent me on this assignment out of town
    Amy: Well, when do you have to start?
    Steve: I have to leave tonight
    Amy: Where do you have to go?
    Steve: (Poll Name)
    Amy: Well, can I come?
    Steve: Iíd rather not, honey. It sounds really dangerous.
    Amy:..Oh, thereís my dad calling. Iíd better go, but I want you to call me every day.
    Steve: Promised. And Amy, when I get back, weíll tell your dad.

    Chapter 2: Welcome to (Pollname)

    Title is used during first shot when Steve drives his Camero past the welcome sign. Stopping, Steve gets out with a duffle bag in hand. He is sucking on a sphere lollipop.
    Steve: So, this is the infamous (pollname). LooksÖ peaceful.
    Steve checks into a motel. There is a young, shy woman behind the counter.
    Hanna: H-hello. Can I help you?
    Steve: Yes, I would like to get a room.
    Hanna: Oh, Iím sorry. Welcome to The Old Womanís Shoe. My name is Hanna. W-would you be wanting a room for yourself?
    Steve: Yeah, just me.
    Hanna: Ok. Well we have many rooms to choose from, do you have any preferences?
    Steve: Do you have any overlooking the town?
    Hanna: Pardon?
    Steve: Any with a view.
    Hanna: Oh, yes, Room 29. Will you be staying just for the night?
    Steve: Might as well stay for a while.
    Hanna slams the record book closed after Steve signs it.
    Hanna: I should warn you, sir, donít venture out past 8pm.
    Steve: Why not?
    Hanna: Thatís when Willy Winkie comes.
    Steve: Whoís he?
    Hanna: Sorry, I have to go
    Steve raises his hand and is only able to say one word before she rushes out, leaving the key to room 29 on the desk.
    Steve: Wait.
    Steve grabs the key and heads to his room. He lays on the bed, the ceiling fan spinning slowly above him. Suddenly, he hears a thump at the door. Pulling out his trusty gun, he puts his back on the wall near the door, gun ready, and slowly opens it. He hears another thump and looks down. A book lays on its face in the doorway. Looking out the window to make sure he was safe, Steve opens the door and grabs the book. It is a book of nursery rhymes with a note in the front cover.
    Book: A survival guide. But remember, nothing is as it seems.

  2. #2
    Lucky Member corastaur's Avatar
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    Sep 2011
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    This sounds pretty interesting. The conversations between the characters feel very natural and it all seems to flow nicely. I found myself getting sucked into it which is always a good thing Gotta admit tho i'm not too fond of any of the town name options, but I can't think of one yet

  3. #3
    I wanted to name the town something to do with a nursery rhyme... perferably Mother Goose`s.. I would love to find a nursery rhyme in which there is the name of a city

  4. #4
    @Corastaur: How did you get your monkey smileys?

    @the mass of viewers I have! (sarcasm intended): sorry this is taking too long. I am currently working on a bunny doll so that I can make em for christmas and then I will make a stick-figure style manga of what I got so far, since I want to start it visual, although I lack the character designs per say..

    Although I do know that Steve is a dencently built close shaved guy (the kind of bald guy that has a dark ora of hair on his head) and his boss is a fat guy with a fat mustache.



    Neat tid-bit: if you hold down CTRL and hit backspace, you erase a word at a time... didn't know that

  5. #5
    here is the first two pages of the comic. Mind you, this is only a draft, so I know there's a lot of anatomical mistakes... hope it passes though (and is legable)

    SPOILER! :
    Photobucket


    SPOILER! :
    Photobucket


    PS: I know it's big, I only did that so that you guys can read it...

  6. #6
    Fenn
    Guest
    Me gusta. Definitely drags you in, plenty of conflict and potential for more conflict, fairly interesting characters.

  7. #7
    thanks Fen... I am just wondering if the choice of film noir with selective colouring (like in the films/books The Spirit and Sin City) with added extreme greyscale (to prevent loss of info) is a good choice for this story.... it's a psychokiller thriller kinda thing (my attempt at a horror)

  8. #8
    Fenn
    Guest
    Drrr...I got nothing your call. I think it will work with what you have, not sure what will happen in the future.

  9. #9
    Thanks. I will work hard to finish this

  10. #10
    Fenn
    Guest
    Btw Nestville sounds the least awkward. The other two seem forced IMO.

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