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Thread: A story with Kim Ratchet

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  1. #1

    Question A story with Kim Ratchet

    Maxx is sitting in the recreational court, drawing. Enter Steve.
    Steve: Hey Maxx. What are you doing?
    Maxx: Expanding my imaginary realm of creations using the means of a pencil, some paper and insanity.
    Steve: What?
    Maxx: I am drawing, Steve.
    Maxx closes his book the two walk inside the college
    Steve: Then why didnít you say so?
    Maxx: Cause it was too obvious for you to ask.
    Steve: So, the new issue came out!
    Maxx: Wow, youíre pathetic.
    Steve: is it pathetic to like to look at women?
    Maxx: it is when you buy fashion magazines to do it.
    Enter Zoe
    Zoe: Oh, a new issue came out?
    Steve: Donít judge me!
    Zoe: I am not judging you, although your obsession over that one model is a little creepy
    Steve: I was talking to Maxx, but thank you Zoe, for calling me a stalker.
    Maxx: Thank goodness you donít know where she lives.
    Zoe: So Maxx, would you be a pal and give me a lift to my class tonight?
    Maxx: I would love to Zo, but my car is in the shop. Iíd gladly take you if you want to come and pick it up with me.
    Steve: Can I come too? I need to pick up some ointment forÖ a friendÖ my momÖ. A friend of my momís.
    Zoe: Nice cover.
    The three stop
    Maxx: Ok, letís all meet on the number 12 bus at 4:40 sharp.
    Steve: Do we sync our watches?
    Maxx leaves smirking, while Zoe leaves rolling her eyes. Steve is dumbfounded

    At the bus stop, Steve and Zoe wait for Maxx.
    Steve: So, would you say I look like a young Elvis Prestley?
    Zoe: Keep dreaming
    Steve: Inigo Montoya? Harry Callahan?
    Enter Maxx.
    Maxx: Try the blob.
    Zoe: Or Sumo Tokoto
    Zoe points to a sumo wrestler poster on a post beside her. The bus arrives and the three get on.

    At the shop
    Steve: Does she, or does she not look like a girl from our high school?
    Zoe: I donít care if this Kim Ratchet looks like the queen of England. Stop shoving your book in my face.
    Zoe hits the book back at Steve. Steve points infront of her.
    Zoe: I didnít hit you that hard.
    Taking a look under the hood of a truck, a beautiful red headed woman stands before them, not paying attention to them.
    Zoe: Oh no, donít tell meÖ
    Maxx: Kim.
    Kim looks up at Maxx
    Kim: Maxx!
    Kim gives a leaping hug at Maxx. Zoe blushes. Holding Maxx in her arms, Kim backs off a bit to look at the others.
    :Iím sorry, is this your girlfriend?
    Zoe blushes even more.
    Maxx: Kim, this is Zoe and Steve. They go to the same college as me.
    Kim offers her hand to Steve with a smile
    Kim: Pleased to meet you
    Steves nose bursts with blood as he faints.
    Zoe: Now thatís just overkill.
    Kim: I hope heís ok.
    Maxx: How is she?
    Kim: Sheís all better. I told you that if you left her with the doctor, sheíd be as good as new?
    Maxx: Awesome. So how much do I owe you?
    Kim: Free of charge. You helped me out in a jam, so I owe you for that.
    Zoe: Iím lost.
    Steve: Donít you know who this is? This is Kim Ratchet. The best Model in the business.
    Kim: A fan?
    Maxx: You could say that.
    Zoe: I am confused. Your mechanic is a model? And she owes you?
    Kim: Let me explain. My mom always wanted to become a model, but died when I was really young. I was raised by my dad, so I loved being a mechanic like him. But I wanted to model too, to feel closer to my mom.
    Maxx: Kimís dad died last year, and gave Kim all his shares in this company. So now Kim owns this shop. Last week, she wanted to make an ad for her shop, but the photographer got sick, so I filled in.
    Kim: Your boyfriend is quite the life saver.
    Zoe: HeísÖ not my boyfriend.
    Maxx: Anyways Kim, we will be late if we donít get going, soÖ

    Later, in the car.
    Steve: Why did you hold out on us man? Why didnít you tell us that you knew a celebrity?
    Zoe: She is pretty. Zoe says looking down
    Maxx: Look Steve, I would have told you if you didnít say all those nasty things about her. I respect her a lot.
    Zoe: Do you love her? Zoe mumbles
    Maxx: What?
    Zoe: I said, Do you love that woman?
    Maxx: She is a dear friend. We knew each other since we were kids and weíve been there for each other through thick and thin. Zoe, why are you acting weird?
    Zoe: Iím not acting weird. Itís not like I am jealous or anything. Weíve only known each other for the past year, so itís logical that you two are closer.
    Steve: Iím Steve.
    Maxx laughs: Do you mind if I drop you off at the store first? Iíll swing by to pick you up later.
    Steve: Sure.

    Ending of chapter 1 version 1

    After dropping off Steve, Zoe and Maxx are quiet for the rest of the trip. Arriving at the destination, Zoe tries to escape, but Maxx rushes out and grabs her wrist, pulling her back into his embrace as he softly kisses her like all those romantic movies.

    Maxx: I know youíve had feelings for me for a while now, I was just waiting for the right time to kiss you under the cherry blossom shower.

    Zoe: But what about Kim?

    Maxx: Kim is like a sister, but itís you that I have feelings for.

    Ending of Chapter 1 version 2

    After dropping off Steve, Zoe and Maxx sit silently. Finally Maxx breaks the silence

    Maxx: Kim is like a sister to me Zoe, I donít know why you are acting like this.

    Zoe: Cause Iíve liked you for a while now, but have been too shy to talk to you about it.

    Maxx: I didnít know. Iíve started to have feelings for you in that way too, but I wasnít sure you were into me. Ö do you want to, maybe, go see a movie sometime?

    Zoe: Iíd love to.

    Zoe: Like what? Are you calling me crazy?

    Maxx: No! But youíre acting as if I cheated on you.

    Zoe: Just forget it.

    Maxx: PleaseÖ

    Zoe: no..

  2. #2
    It's a nice read. Steve's pretty humorous.

    Are we supposed to vote on an ending?

  3. #3
    well yeah in a sence. I am not quite sure if I want to draw out Maxx and Zoe's feelings or make them date from the beginning, so I left it there. maybe hearing different opinions on it, I will get a better feeling for the ending

    On the one hand, drawing out is really played out, but does create suspence, however the other way, the suspence is about how they stay together and how Maxx can prove his affections.

    And thanks, Steve is supposed to be that nerd that lives deep down inside of us...

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Maxx_Wellington View Post
    And thanks, Steve is supposed to be that nerd that lives deep down inside of us...
    My Steve tends to prefer living out in the open...

    I like the first ending. If you have plenty of other paths to take your story, make 'em hook up now! (my opinion)

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Fenn View Post
    I like the first ending. If you have plenty of other paths to take your story, make 'em hook up now! (my opinion)
    I've been thinking on where to take the main story line (although there will be a lot of sub story lines) and I am finding myself pulling refferances from Scooby Doo, the cartoon of Josie and the Pussicats, and Jem and the Hollograms. I guess you could add Pokemon and many more but yeah....

    So far as I figgure, stories are built by trapping (out of their own free wills or involontarily) personalities together and watching them clash. How I decided to do this is by getting Kim to convince Maxx, Zoe, Steve and maybe someone else (for the same reason Alexandra was in the JATP cartoon) and make them go on a road trip for Kim's modeling gigs and car shows.

    I think I might add some mysteries to solve, hence the Scooby doo reff.

  6. #6
    Ok, so here I go with chapter two:

    In the car Maxx is in the driver seat. Enter Steve
    Steve: We've been friends since the first day of school, and I've told you about Kim Ratchet every day since, and you never thought of telling me that you know her?
    Maxx: Sorry.
    Steve: Sorry? what's that supposed to mean? Didn't you think that I might want to meet her?
    Maxx: No, but I did think that you would embarrase yourself if you did.
    Steve: That's low.
    Maxx: Well you didn't do as bad as I thought.
    Steve: This is jank!
    Maxx: Jerky?
    Steve: Yeah, sure..... eating a jerky So how long did you know Kim?
    Maxx: Since we were 5.
    Steve: Is she single?
    Maxx: Tell you what, I'll set you two up. If you can keep up, you have my blessing.
    Steve: You are giving her to me? What's the catch?
    They stop in front of Steve's house.
    Maxx: Nothing. She is a spontanious, fast-and-furrious kind of girl. It's hard to keep up, but if you can, go ahead.
    Steve: You don't want her?
    Maxx: Let's just say, she's not my centerfold.
    from offscreenSteve's mom: Steve, where's my ointment? My bunions are jumping like irish riverdancers.
    Steve: How embarassing. Well I'd better go.
    Maxx: See you tomorrow.

    More to come...

  7. #7
    I kinda like the character dynamics. Lots of potential.

  8. #8
    Well Fenn of the 999 knights, I guess you are my manga assistant as no one else came to my help. Oh I feel like a damsel in this dress.... I mean distress ;P

  9. #9
    Lucky Member corastaur's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    the city of harsh winds
    Yo! So i like the story! I agree with fenn i like the character dynamics a lot; however, I didn't like the first ending of ch1 very much. I think them getting together right away is fine, I'm just not a fan of that scene. Especially this part:

    Maxx: I know you’ve had feelings for me for a while now, I was just waiting for the right time to kiss you under the cherry blossom shower.
    The cheese man theres just too much of it! It's cute but I thought it was overkill, so I vote somewhere in between that ^ and version 2a. Keep it up and good luck!

  10. #10
    Are you a romantic Corastaur?


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