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Thread: Poems

  1. #51
    For Sparta! Mistrus's Avatar
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    Here are a few poems I wrote when I was I think 17 so two year ago.

    The Rhythm
    SPOILER! :
    Your hips sway
    Your feet move
    Your hands wave
    Your fingers groove

    You slide across the floor
    -your hands in the air
    Your body moving to a beat
    -that isn’t there

    The dance of your heart
    The song of your soul
    Both part of a rhythm
    -your body must hold

    A snap of your fingers
    A clap of your hands
    Do what the rhythm tells you
    -before the glass runs out of sand

    With a stamp of your foot
    And a twirl on your toes
    Behold to the world
    -the rhythm your body has told


    I’m Scared
    SPOILER! :
    I’m scared to love
    I’m scared to lose
    I’m scared of life
    I’m scared of you

    I’m scared of what you think
    I’m scared of what you see
    I’m scared of what you feel
    -when you look at me

    I’m scared of my future
    I’m terrified of my past
    I fear my present
    -even though it won’t last

    I’m scared of the dreams
    -that won’t come true
    I’m scared of the goals
    -that I won’t pass through

    I’m scared of the time
    -that is passing so fast
    I’m scared of the people
    -that are fading into the past

    I’m scared to feel
    -this emotion called love
    I’m scared to care
    -about the people I’m part of

    I’m scared to think
    -about what’s ahead
    I’m scared to hear
    -the part of the future that remains unsaid

    I’m scared to love
    I’m scared to lose

    I’m scared of life

    I’m scared of…. you


    No
    SPOILER! :
    Sometimes I feel broken
    No, don’t try and fix me
    If I am broken
    -just let me be

    My past is mine
    No, that you can’t see
    I’m perfectly fine
    -so don’t touch me

    I have secrets
    No, I won’t tell
    If you ask me again
    -I’ll tell you ‘go to hell’

    I have my flaws
    No, I won’t point them out
    If you are going to act like a child
    -then scream and shout

    I have my quirks
    No, they are perfectly fine
    If you don’t stop asking me questions
    -this will keep wasting your time

    I want some peace
    No, I won’t go to war.
    If you don’t like my opinion
    -there’s the door

    I have something to say
    No, it’s completely true
    If you aren’t going to listen
    -then let me go through

    I want you to know
    No, let me finish
    If you stop with the questions
    -you’ll get that wish

    I hate you for the things you have done

    You’ve made me cry
    You’ve made me run

    You’ve made me break
    The damage is done

    I don’t care what you say
    I don’t care what you think

    I’m tired of these antics
    I’m tired of these games
    You and I both know the results are the same

    I call you stupid
    You call me a whore
    I call you an idiot
    You walk out with a slam of the door

    But take care to remember this
    -when you see me in these halls

    I hate you for the things you have done

    You’ve made me cry
    You’ve made me run

    You’ve made me break
    The damage is done.


    Don’t

    SPOILER! :
    Don’t pretend you love me
    -or act like you care
    I’m not stupid
    -and I saw you there

    Don’t you lie
    -don’t you dare
    I gave you my heart
    -I told you I cared

    Don’t act hurt
    -you’re perfectly fine
    Your heart is whole
    -what about mine?

    Torn to pieces
    -and scattered across the floor
    You don’t care
    -you don’t want me anymore

    Don’t say it
    -because it‘s not true
    You made it perfectly clear
    -when that girl left with you

    Don’t talk
    -this is goodbye
    Don’t drive by my house
    -with excuses to stop by

    So don’t pretend you loved me
    -or act like you cared
    I’m certainly not stupid
    -and I no longer care

    Go live your life
    -alone and unloved
    I’ll stay with him
    -the one you shoved

    Because he called you out
    -and told you to think
    Unlike you he actually cares
    -now I’ll leave you to drink


    Strings
    SPOILER! :
    I’m sitting here with my strings in loops around me.
    Locked in a dark box.

    I’m lifeless.
    I’m silent.

    There is no puppet master to hold me up.
    No puppet master to make me dance.
    No puppet master at all.

    I wonder.
    For the merest or moments, what it would be like with no strings.
    To not be pulled upright against my will.
    Not to be made to dance like the puppets around me.
    Not to say things that I don’t want to.

    I wondered.
    I pondered.
    I had no answer.

    So, I sit lifeless and silent in my locked box.
    Waiting for the puppet master to make me dance.

    But once again, the thought is there.
    Making me wonder.
    Making me ponder.

    No strings.
    No puppet master.
    No dancing.

    I wonder and I feel my stiff face break into a smile.
    Why, it would be wonderful.

    To run on my own.
    To not run in place.
    To dance when I wanted.
    To pull my own strings.

    But then the box is unlocked and I’m no longer lifeless.
    The puppet master pulls on my strings.

    Making me run.
    Making me dance.

    Tugging on the strings harshly when I resist.
    He shouts rough words.
    I’m hesitant at my steps.

    He shouts.
    Telling me to listen to what he says.

    Dance!
    Run!

    He shouts.

    Dance!
    Run!

    He shouts.
    Dance! Run! Dance! Run! Dance!Run!Dance!Run!Dancerundancerundancerundancer un!

    STOP!
    I shout.

    My body is jerked to a painful stop and I tug on my strings.
    No more strings.

    I tug harder and all the strings snap.

    They loop around me.
    Laying on the ground.
    Lifeless.

    I stretch my unfamiliar limbs.
    They creak and groan.
    But they sing the song of freedom.
    I feel the song course through my body.

    The puppet master is finally silent.
    Watching me.
    Waiting.

    I smile.
    And I run.

    My body is soft.
    No more wooden steps.

    I run under the blue sky.
    No more locked boxes.

    I stop and lie down in the soft grass and watch the sky.
    No more puppet master.

    I look at my hands and I smile.

    No.

    More.



    Strings…


    Cursed
    SPOILER! :
    In this night of birth
    On the eve of spring
    In joyless mirth
    The black bird sings.

    One girl wanders
    Lost and alone
    A crown that ponders
    On an empty throne

    A foot in both worlds
    One must choose
    With golden curls
    A kingdom to lose

    A choice of fate
    The time at hand
    Its gleaming gate
    Its glowing sand

    It’s too late
    The sands are done
    By the will of fate
    The change has begun

    A test in love with deadly rings
    A loss of self within a day
    All the while a black bird sings
    Will she go or will she stay


    I know some of them make me want to roll my eyes and grimace but I wrote them and I can't erase that fact. It keeps me humble.
    Last edited by Mistrus; 01-17-2012 at 02:11 AM.

  2. #52
    Devilish Member T1B3R1U5's Avatar
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    o.o I think Mistrus's stuff is awesome....<_< I better not be alone in that opinion cuz if I am...>_< well thanks
    For every two minutes of glamour, there are eight hours of hard work."


  3. #53
    Three Trio Tres Member Emi_Higurashi's Avatar
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    I actually agree to that, not because I'm trying to save your arse, but because I actually thought that it really was good. And I may as well post a new poem (And don't laugh! I'm not an ass-kisser, I just write like one.)

    Mother
    CoffeeAdict16
    My mother is the goddess of light to me,
    She makes me happy, when she smiles,
    She puts up with me, even though I tend to tick her off.
    She loves me lots, she knows me well,
    I love both my parents more than anything in the world,
    But I love my mom more than you can imagine.
    She’s the greatest cook, making delicious stuff.
    She always put in her love and effort to make me happy.
    When I was little and sick she was a super mom,
    When I was hurt, she came to my rescue,
    When I was in trouble, she made sure I did the right thing
    These are just a few of the reasons why I love my Mother.

  4. #54
    Super Senior Member Delphinus's Avatar
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    Guys those poems aren't good and you should stop being a hugbox

    EDIT: and the poem above is not very good, it's just prose formatted differently, it makes no use of anything resembling poetic structure or technique and uses the language in completely the wrong way - no rhythm, no structure, no imagery, no emotional impact - and to top it off it's sentimental and expresses nothing unique or even particularly creative.

    This thread could use more constructive criticism, and if you can't give constructive criticism then commenting on people's poems is a pointless exercise. Saying 'it sucks' or 'it's great' are equally useless, and the only purpose to the latter is to massage egos. Please don't defile the noble poetic tradition like this
    Last edited by Delphinus; 01-20-2012 at 06:47 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Fenn
    You forgot your F in Modesty.

  5. #55
    Bad Enough Dude to Rescue the President Kodos's Avatar
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    Del could word things a bit nicer (do watch it) but yeah. I myself am a sworn enemy of meter and rhyme, and generally am not a fan of poetry, so I'm not really able to help much, but I can recognize some of these poems could definitely use some work. I am certainly not in a position to go about helping, but I imagine Del might be able and willing to help if anyone is willing to listen.

    Just sayin'.

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  6. #56
    For Sparta! Mistrus's Avatar
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    Del, I know the poems aren't the best however those two seem to like them. We can't change that. Could you tell me what you found wrong with my poems, just general curiosity and maybe a bit of masochism on my part but lay it out there for me. Tell me exactly what you think is wrong with them.

    I know the rhyming is simplistic and a bit childish and the structure is awkward and strange but still go ahead! Tear it apart! lol I need a good lashing critique. Keeping humble and what not.
    Last edited by Mistrus; 01-21-2012 at 12:53 AM.

  7. #57
    Devilish Member T1B3R1U5's Avatar
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    I am a bit disturbed by Mistrus' post but xD who cares. And as for the poems that have no meter or rhythmic scheme, well aren't fucking experts, Are we? And how the fuck are we gonna remember each scheme or meter? I aint gonna be remembering that crap while I write a poem. I use creativity, which in someone's somewhat realistic and somewhat annoying, isn't the way to go. (Of course, it aint but...) Anyways, I'mma shut up now X.X
    For every two minutes of glamour, there are eight hours of hard work."


  8. #58
    Three Trio Tres Member Kenzieroo's Avatar
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    I liked you poems Mistrus, my favorite being Scared.
    Don't take life to seriously, no one ever makes it out alive.

  9. #59
    Super Senior Member Delphinus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by T1B3R1U5 View Post
    ...as for the poems that have no meter or rhythmic scheme, well aren't fucking experts, Are we? And how the fuck are we gonna remember each scheme or meter? I aint gonna be remembering that crap while I write a poem. I use creativity, which in someone's somewhat realistic and somewhat annoying, isn't the way to go. (Of course, it aint but...) Anyways, I'mma shut up now X.X
    I don't think you're thinking about this the right way. Meter and rhyme are tools; they give poetry a repeated structure. You write prose in sentences and paragraphs, and in a similar way you write poetry according to a meter and rhyme scheme. Now, there are types of poetry that abandon both of them, but, according to Robert Frost, a famous poet: ""Poetry without rhyme is like tennis without a net". The same applies with meter. While neither rhyme nor meter are necessary in writing a poem, it's probably best to learn the formal structures before attempting to deviate from them, in the same way as with visual art and realism: you have to learn the rules before you can break them.

    In regards to "not being fucking experts", if you want to write good poetry, you ought to read and study it. Which would make you an expert. Not as much of an expert as a literature professor, but an expert nonetheless. It doesn't seem like just writing poetry without paying attention to other poets would make you improve at all - you'd have nothing to judge yourself against, you'd have to be the progenitor of dozens of techniques that have already been invented, and you'd be unable to use cross-textual references to evoke particular images.
    Quote Originally Posted by Fenn
    You forgot your F in Modesty.

  10. #60
    Three Trio Tres Member Kenzieroo's Avatar
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    Generally I think poems need a strong rhythm and meaning behind the words.
    I'm no expert and I haven't studied (I'm busy studying the ocean at the moment) but I really enjoy poety.
    Don't take life to seriously, no one ever makes it out alive.

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