"This would be so much easier if I had my Yuanjun here with me."
Rin sniffled and sighed. "Well, lovelies. I've hidden some things from you all. Partly for my own concerns, primarily for your wellbeing." She gave Kai a sad little smile and took his hand in hers and squeezed it. "I'm a bit older than 24. More like... nine-thousand or so."
"There was... a war. A long time ago. Unlike anything before, or since. Unlike anything you can ever imagine. I was not there, but I remember it. Sometimes, when I sleep, I still can hear it. See it. Smell it. A war between the Illithids and, well, everyone else, for the sake of all existence. The multiverse burned. Gods died. Everything fell apart. But we won. Civilization needed to be rebuilt from scratch in most places, like here, but we won. We won."
"Here, in Asul, a god died, murdered by the obscenities. Gods are, well, we're not supposed to die, lovelies. Divinity, it's, it's well, it's a Thing, alright? And while most things around the murdered god died, some things, by luck or whatever - I don't know - survived. And a little fox, scared, confused, and so very hungry, ate the only thing that seemed to still have flesh nearby." Rin gave a nervous little smile.
"I'm not the dead god, but I have its memories, some of them. It's fuzzy, indistinct, dreamlike. It's hard to explain. But, you know, the stories? They're true. I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." Rin laughed, it was like music. "I mean, like, literally. Honestly. It's not an opinion thing. If you disagree you're just wrong. I am what I am, in that regard. Divinity, it's a hell of a thing."
"I'm not Sogi Shiranui, regardless of what that rancid cunt told you. I was, though. A long time ago. Da Ji, too. And Pao Su. And Kicho Shogoro, and Yu-Lian, and Hoji, and all the rest. But, you know, I was also Kushi, and Ying-Hu, and Clever Fox, and others, too."
"I was Sogi, but I changed. The Wizards are right, you know. The Gods? They need you. Your belief sustains and drives them. I'm, I'm different. I don't need it, not to live, but I do need it. Crave it. And you know, Orochi, and the Demon Lords? They were on to something. Fear is a form of worship, a powerful, intoxicating, and easy to get form of worship. Despair, too. It's, well, it's hard to explain to you. You are not what I am, my sexy little beloveds. It's like trying to describe color to a blind man using pictographs."
"I did things. Horrible things. For a long time." Rin looked like she might cry. "A very long time." She squeezed Kai's hand. "I've probably racked up a bigger body-count than Therion. But, that was the past. That was then. That was Sogi. That's not me. Not anymore. That's not who I am anymore. Each day is a new day, and we are, lovelies, who we choose to be. I've learned. I've grown. I've fallen in love a few times, and oh, Gods, what a wonderful thing that is." Her face seemed to light up on that note.
"I've my own agendas, I won't lie. But I'm trying to help. And not just, you know, to make up. The past is the past. I help because I want to, I care because I choose to. I am who I choose to be. I was Sogi Shiranui, and Da Ji, but now I'm Rin Shiranui, and I choose to give a fuck for a change."
"I know it's a lot to take in, and I know I'm asking for your trust. And I know how hard it is. Honestly, I know. I'm not just, well, whatever I am. Divine, and mortal. I still remember, you know, what it was like. Tiny, scared, confused, and shivering. Even when I was young, and vile, I took care of foxes, because even then I understood - if I didn't look out for the little ones, then who would? I knew how horrible it was to be alone and hungry."
Rin gave a lovely smile and laughed softly. "I could go on about dualities and more stuff, about divine/mortal, and fox/human, and animal/person, but that' silly, and totally beyond the point. I am who I choose to be, same as anyone else. I've hidden things from you, maybe lied a few times, but never about the important things, the things that matter. I love you all, and I mean that, and if you can't find it in your hearts to forgive me, then that's fine, you don't have to worry, I won't have Chiyo kill your all or anything, but I imagine you'll feel really dumb when you wake up tomorrow and realized you missed the chance to be friends with a sex goddess who's absolutely willing to fuck your brains out."