neeD Help , need help plz plz REPLY 2 ME

[Cloudy]

I think you have improved a lot

[trilokcool3]

heinnnn....... i IMPROVED....!!!!????
nevermind ...THANKYOU CLOUDY....
HERE goes its next page

SPOILER! :

WHAT ELSE could be done .... ??????

[trilokcool3]

now this is of different style.....
PLZ HELP ME WITH THIS TOO.....
took me 4hrs to do this stuff..........

[ClockHand]

Gold rule: Show Don't Tell.

You are telling me who is the character, what is he thinking and what is he going to do. You are telling everything. Your job is to show, you need to show that he was/is bad and why do he know what he knows.

Problems to fix the "reason behind actions", just explain them later. Many authors start without monologues or anything that explains abilities or knowledges of the character until further on the story. This is made principally to start with action and to not overwhelm readers with to much information.

But yeah, just show more, explain less (explain with actions).

[trilokcool3]

it was the very first page of my manga . May be i should hav shown abt what mistake he did rather than writing so much in panel 3 and onwarads.
Will it be alright now if i do this ??

[ClockHand]

I can't understand what you are saying. Please be more clear.

[trilokcool3]

you said that show more , explain less . So i thought that i will show abt how this person ( in my manga ) did bad things rather than just writing many things in box .
I mean i will just convert those explanations into actions.

[SuperKasey]

Yes, I think a page or two showing scenes of him performing dark magic and crimes, getting caught, arrested and thrown in jail would be a great start. A monologue is usually acceptable in that situation. Then when the scene you just drew comes into play you can jump right into the action and dialogue.

By the way, looking through this thread from begining to end it's obvious that you're improving every time you draw a new page :3