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Thread: RoLePlaY Ch.1 (pages 10-12 up!)

  1. #11
    Zeta Members ram's Avatar
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    oh!! that's a long prologue,,
    i could throw in some few more critique.,. i won't crit on the prologue since it's your old drawing,, so i'll just go with the new ones
    page 4: right foot of the girl,.,
    page 5: bottom panel guy on the left side has it's elbow meeting
    page 6: risk and hand of the guy... the one taking the money or apple(i don't know)
    i hope you get what i mean, well i could crit some more but i have to put some type of red lines or put some example,, but i hate doing those stuffs cause i'm lazy..
    although i really like your stuffs!!

  2. #12
    Junior Member Tsig's Avatar
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    Thanks a bunch for the crit =) I didn't even notice the first two until you pointed them out, so that's really helpful. And the last one, looking at it now, I think I drew more awkwardly than anything... haha and it is an apple, btw. Now that I think about it, if he was holding an apple that way, you would probably see his thumb on that side, since his fingers would be on the other...

    If I ever do anything more with these pages, I'll be sure to fix these things. Until then, I'll move on. But I still really appreciate every bit of help =)


    Here's the next three:

    Page 7:
    SPOILER! :


    Page 8:
    SPOILER! :


    Page 9:
    SPOILER! :
    Last edited by Tsig; 07-17-2011 at 02:15 PM.

  3. #13
    Fenn
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    Um...

    Pages 7 and 8 are the same thing...oops.

  4. #14
    Junior Member Tsig's Avatar
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    Whoops my bad... Fixed it =)

  5. #15
    Fenn
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    I'm sooooooooooooo wondering where you're going with this. Art's looking good too, no major crits just keep improving.

  6. #16
    Zeta Members ram's Avatar
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    well i don't really know what to crit(atleast in words i can't)
    i want to know where the story is going though.. the guy has his hair as long as the girl so why wont he get a haircut?

  7. #17
    Junior Member Tsig's Avatar
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    Your not supposed to know where the story is going yet =P The first chapter is about 48 pages long (roughly, since I just have a general idea for each of the pages...)

    @ Ramiel: Good eye =) The guys hair is on the edge, but he's always on time with his haircuts and Tyra isn't, so the hairdresser has some spite towards Tyra (as shown by her terrible haircut.) They comment on this later in the chapter, so let me know if it's not obvious by the end.

    I've been really busy the last few days, but I should have an update soon.

    Edit:
    --------------------------
    +++UPDATE

    Page 10:
    SPOILER! :


    Page 11:
    SPOILER! :


    Page 12:
    SPOILER! :


    I re-drew the panel with the full-body Derek in it like 6 times cause I just couldn't get it right, and I'm still not sure if I'm happy with it. So critiques on that would be especially helpful =)
    Last edited by Tsig; 07-24-2011 at 10:04 PM.

  8. #18
    101 Dalmations Member
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    I can't understand it
    . .wew.. . .i think you should develop your story telling techniques. .^^

  9. #19
    Fenn
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    Uh...I'm lost now. Between pgs 9 and 10 there seems to be no transition or explanation of any kind.

    The lack of plot details is forgiven since we're technically only 12 pages in.

  10. #20
    Zeta Members ram's Avatar
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    you could try to make it a little taller, you see it would be nice if it's six heads tall. that would be the average height of one person.
    and since this is top quarter view, neck shouldn't be that long and head should be placed almost near the shoulders.

    and in page 10, in the last panel with the guy with the scary face, i think what you want it to look like should be in quarter top view turn from the back, that should make a scary look from that guy. well he doesn't give a very scary aura in that position if you ask me.

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