the greater mythology

[Matt]

Click "next" in the upper right corner. It took me awhile too.

[ram]

Apparently if your not login in facebook, there's no next botton...
I'll try to finish the editing and paste them all here from photobucket.

Haven't done editing the phone Matt mention, and I'm so embarrassed to show =///=

[Blazer64]

I really enjoyed that chapter, the plot is intriguing & the art is well executed overall. I'm probably considered a novice in this field (bare with me), but I'd have to agree with Matt on a few points (you've probably already corrected these by now ), Though I could understand where the dialogue was heading, there was the odd section or two where the grammar (more so than the spelling imo) caused some slight confusion; the gunshot wound and reaction to it, I felt were unrealistic, to the point where it seemed under-exaggerated if you will. I'm a bit unsure on the other things that were covered, but those were the things that caught my attention. Other than that, I'm impressed and inspired by this, keep going with it

[ram]

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?s...9726759&type=3
On second thought, I'm too lazy to paste the link one by one so I uploaded the edited version on my fb again >_>
Thanks Blazer64, My literature skills aren't really as good as Matt, But hopefully I'll get better on that by reading story books.(Otherwise I wouldn't be able to draw manga without Matt so I really need to study)

I never thought about character voices before, And I'm really thankful for Matt for pointing that out.
@Matt, I didn't use all of the blue ones, cause there's some stuffs that they said that will connect on the other chapters, But you really did figure out what my character personalities are at first glance, As expected from a writer, I have so much to learn from you!

I'll hold Greater Mythology for now, I plan to make a one-shot story and apply in Anthology Manga magazines.

[ram]

I've come to a realization that I can't make a one-shot that is 23 pages that is good enough. >_>
If I really want to make a one-shot, I want greater mythology but apparently no matter how much I summarize I can't make it 23 pages.
Any body want to team up with me?
Well-- Another story I mean, though if you want greater mythology then I'm fine with it--
Anyway here's the story board
It's Left-right this time

SPOILER! :

[theAnimeRebel]

Wow.. that's... extensive.

I didn't read through any of your stuff though. Why? Well, it didn't grab me... there was no reason for me to read. Here lies your problem. You have created a great prologue for something... but who wants to read through a prologue? There needs to be conflict, a problem, something that grabs the reader. And if stuff is too confusing/complicated at the beginning, then skip it.

My advice? Trim. What doesn't your story need? Give us (the readers) something... nay, someone to care about. A one shot is possible... but only through characters and their (smaller) problems. Maybe you can give us a story of conflict without having to explain an entire universe.

Just some thoughts.

(BTW, that's a story board!?!?!? Holy Cow, looks like my finished pencils!)

[ram]

What story are you referring to? the one in the fb? or the storyboard?
Also I don't do finished pencils, I line the storyboard and detail everything in line, too much detailing on sketches is really a pain

[theAnimeRebel]

hmm, well... I didn't see the one in fb so. The storyboard one.

[ram]

This is originally a flash-back on my main script manga and also the whole point and heart of the story event, so I thought it would be best summarize this part and make it a one-shot.

even if I skip on the beginning of the universe and stuffs(this story is complex cause the whole point of it is mythology), how am I suppose to make a conflict? If I make a conflict, I have to make a villain and the reason why that villain is bad, the reason why the main character is good, the victims and what began it all.

Also I doubt anyone would want to read just conflict, I have to clear the relationship of the characters as well.
In any case I don't think I can make it 23 pages, I have to look for another publisher I guess

[theAnimeRebel]

Why 23? Most publishers in America publish in 16 or 32 page segments. (Unless you've already found a publisher or something)
If your looking for publishing and don't have a publisher... then I would suggest revising the concept and finding a contract before getting too serious.

But I think your idea can be turned into gold here, if you don't have your heart on giving up.

Conflict doesn't mean you need a villian/badguy vs. goodguy, it just means you have two opposing forces with a common goal. This is universal storytelling. They could be two goodguys, two villians, whatever. Conflict doesn't mean "physical confrontation" i.e. "fight" either. It could be an argument, it could be a silent dilema.

But whatever you choose you have to be hard on yourself. Ask yourself, "Why would anyone want to read MY story." If you don't have a compelling answer to that question, then you don't have a story that needs to be told. (...yet, that's the beautiful thing about progress. )