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Thread: Prologue for my story

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010

    Prologue for my story

    Crit of you have anything:)

    Those who enter here,
    Will find them self in another world.
    A world not known to others,
    Where all imagined can happen.
    Dragons whom only lurk in dreams,
    Walk freely here.
    Here there are many horses,
    And few with horns.
    Enter if you can.
    Enter if you must.
    But only those with the courage and wisdom,
    Not to mention power,
    May enter.
    Of those who have gone,
    Made a mistake,
    We know not.
    Not even themselves would know.
    For all memories are taken,
    As key to gate.
    Nothing that a pound or two,
    In the head,
    Would bring back.
    So enter if you must.
    Enter if you dare.
    For there may be more,
    At loss.

    The long dark corridor, lined with a few dimly lit torches, stood perfectly still; there was nothing to disturb the silence, and no end in sight. Not even a cricket played its music in this deathly silence.
    Breathing in the stale air, Keyon walked quickly along the brick hard ground, trying to resist the urge to wrap his arms around himself in the bitter cold. Despite his gloomy surroundings, Keyon's heart pumped with excitement. He could already see the peaceful trees, as a breeze passed by. His master ought to have summoned him to leave this foul place. A death land is the only thing worth calling it. The only creatures that survive here are the goblins and orcs that keep it an isolated death land. Keyon often wondered how his master could stand staying in a place like this. No life anywhere. Nothing to do but have your hopes crushed.
    Halting, Keyon knelt down, knowing, even thought nothing could be seen, that his master was only a short distance away. "You wished to see me master?" Keyon asked, his voice echoing through the endless cave.
    A darkly hooded figure, barely visible in the torchlight, began to take shape, towering over Keyon.
    "Yes," He answered, in a low voice. "I have sensed someone very powerful. I believe he is the one the prophesy speaks of."
    Keyon blinked up at his master, realizing his mission. :And you would wish me to find him master?"
    "Yes. But do it without his knowing. And make sure no harm comes of him until you know he is on our side." Pausing for a moment, Keyon's master continued to stand there, looking down at him. "I don't believe I would need to tell you what to do otherwise, would I?"
    "No master. I know what to do. He will never leave my sight once I've found him."
    "Good. I will speak with you again, expecting that you have found him."

    Running through the trees, Fiona tore through low hanging branches that snatched at her clothes. Only if I were a full dryad, Fiona thought desperately, as a branch tugged at her shirt, not letting go. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about this happening. silly goose the shirt loose, Fiona took off again, more wary of low hanging branches. While running, Fiona couldn’t help but notice the stillness of everything. In the spring atmosphere, no birds sang. No little creatures of the forest scampered about in search for food. There wasn’t even the slightest breeze to ruffle the trees. The whole forest seemed to be holding its breath.
    Where are all of the dryads? Fiona thought to herself. Does my meeting with the elder have anything to do with the absence? Fiona would give almost anything for her own tree. Then she could hear the whispering of the winds herself.
    Upon reaching a ring clearing of trees, Fiona stopped before one larger than the others, making the only tree in the clearing. The only thing now standing between the tree and Fiona, was a small garden with three groups of the most unusual flowers. One group of the flowers was as red and livid looking as several tiny flames, threatening to indulge one another. Another bunch of flowers were the deep blue of the ocean, with small waves rippling across the petals. The last were as green as leaves that flowed about, as if sharing secrets among themselves.
    Kneeling down onto her knees, Fiona bowed her head down, waiting. With hardly any time passing, a hand gently placed itself on Fiona’s shoulder.
    “Rise,” a voice just as gentle said.
    Obeying, Fiona looked up at the tanned dryad, dressed in a robe of vines, with a soft face, and deep brown eyes. “Is something wrong, Elder Elizabeth?”
    “Yes, I’m afraid there is,” She said, looking troubled. “But first I must ask you something.”
    “I will answer if I can,” Fiona answered, bowing.
    “It is not a difficult question. Do you remember the prophesy of the hero who might save us?”
    “The one of a single man being the worlds only hope? Yes. I remember it.”
    “Do you understand it?”
    “Yes,” Fiona answered, hesitating. “But there are gaps in what I do understand.”
    “I believe those gaps will be filled soon. For the winds have told me of a man, whom they believe is the one of the prophesy.”
    “Of the prophesy?” Fiona exclaimed, taken back.
    “Yes. You may find that is why the other dryads are not out. They are listening to the winds.”
    “Then what do you have me here for?” Fiona asked, confused.
    “Being that you are the only half dryad, you don’t have a tree. There for, not bound to certain limit in travel. I would like t ask you to find this man, and find out if this man is corrupted like the prophesy says he might. If he is, then you will have to kill him.
    “Me?” Fiona nearly choked on her own words. “But how am I to find him? And if he is corrupted, then how am I supposed to kill him, if he is the one the world depends on?”
    “With this you will find him,” Elder Elizabeth said, extending her hand out. A leaf from the large tree fell into her open palm. “Hold this to your ear, and it will tell you where he is. As for killing him,” Elder Elizabeth said, as Fiona reached for the leaf, grimacing. “Only kill him if what you see is corrupted evil. If you think he can be changed, then lead him here.”
    “But how am I-“
    Elder Elizabeth hand her hand up for silence. “The decision will be made once you find him. I trust you to make the right choice.”

    Over the distant land, a young boy, who looked to be seventeen, laid on the ground, surrounded by nothing but trees and bushes. A hawk standing above his shoulder looked at his face curiously. The boy continued to lay there, his eyes closed, taking relaxed breaths. Even the trees seemed to bend over for a clearer look at him. His tattered clothes, and face lined with deep gashes, made him look like someone who was cut up, and left unconscious. Suddenly his eyes flashed open, revealing a deep color of hazel. Immediately, the hawk began to fly away in a hurry, and there was a sudden strong wind, to in its wake, buffeting the boy’s dark locks of hair, as he slowly sat up.

  2. #2
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Part of the first chapter: Feel free to crit.

    Sprawled face down on the ground a boy gave a sudden start coughing up dirt and grass. Grimacing at the bitter taste he tried to remove the dirt with his hand, unable to spit it out from lack of water. Practically clawing at his mouth, he tried to remove the dirt as quickly as possible. It tasted like it had been in his mouth for hours. Wishing desperately for a drink, he stuck in his other hand as a delightful chill ran through him. Cool soothing water trickled down his tongue. Pulling his hand out of his mouth he noticed for the first time how cold it was. Just above him where his hand had been was a pond.

    Scrambling onto his knees the boy lunched his whole head into the icy cold water. Slurping it up painfully yet thankfully through his sorely parched throat he didn’t stop drinking until he felt sure he would burst. Gasping for breath he hung his head above the rippling watching as his blurry reflection came into focus.

    His breathing almost stopped. Staring down at his reflection he saw himself staring back mouth hanging ajar. Running his fingers along his face, deep dried cuts itched across him stinging on contact. He had a rather small nose, thin eye brows, and dark locks of hair that covered his ear lobes. Gazing down into his own light hazel eyes he couldn’t recall ever having them. Nor could he recognize anything else in the water’s reflection.

    “Who am I?” The boy whispered to himself surprised to hear the unfamiliar voice. “Where am I?”

    His stomach gave an angry growl as it began to cramp. But food was the last thing on his mind. A twig snapped from behind him. Twirling around onto his feet, he was surprised to see nothing more than a girl about his age and height. Her brown hair came down evenly at her shoulders. She had a thin strong face with light blue eyes. A friendly smile spread across her lips as she made eye contact with him.

    “So the Merlin finally decides to wake up,” She said happily.

    “WH-what? Merlin? Do I know you?”

    Her smile vanished, replaced with disappointment. “I was hoping you would know.”

    “Know what?” He asked confused.

    “Who I am,” She answered solemnly. “Only two days ago I woke up and couldn’t remember a thing. But you were laying there next to me. I figured that I hit my head or something and that you would know.”

    “Wait. You woke up next to me?” He asked, taking a moment to register what she had said.

    The girl blushed a deep scarlet. “Yes. We were both on the ground, And your pet hawk that was standing on your chest.”

    “My pet?” He asked instantly.

    “Well a Merlin anyway. That’s why I called you Merlin.”

    Looking around himself he tried to catch a glimpse of a hawk but all he could see was the pond and thick bushes and trees.

    “Well it’s not here anymore,” She explained. “It left when you woke up. Just two hours before it had to kill another hawk. The hawk just suddenly flew out from nowhere and started to attack you.”
    Instinctively, Merlin reached a hand up to his scared face leaving behind stinging cuts.

    “I wanted to help,” she said looking at him sadly. “But it started and ended so quickly I barely had to pick up a stick to use. The strange thing was,” she said curiously. “The other hawk never tried to defend itself against the Merlin. It kept attacking you as if the Merlin wasn’t even there.”

    “What else happened?” He asked still fingering his scars.

    “You woke up,” she said simply. “Or at least for a little while you did. You got up and stumbled around until you reached this pond. Then you just collapsed,” She added as he looked at her completely confused. “That’s about all I know,” She said stretching.

    “But… what is this place?”

    “No idea. All I can say is that this place is like some fairy tale.”

    “What do you mean by that?” Merlin asked finding that the more answers he gets the more confused he gets.

    “Oh, no reason really. You might understand if you look at your boot though,” She grinned.

    Looking down without a moments thought something tiny and blue was resting on his boot. Nearly shouting out, he stumbled backwards. With a big splash he landed into the freezing pond behind him becoming completely drenched.

    Bursting out with laughter the girl helped him out offering her hand.

    “Thanks,” Merlin mumbled, blushing as he accepted her hand. It was soft yet firm as she pulled him up.

    “No problem Merlin,” She said still laughing.

    As he started to wring out his soaked shirt the same blue fairy flew right up to his face muttering some strange language with a quick frenzy of high pitched squeaks, clearly annoyed. Scolding Merlin with a yank of his hair the fairy took off, continuing its tantrum of high pitched squeaks.

    “Gah!” Merlin exclaimed, rubbing his head where the fairy pulled loosed some hairs. “Might as well have pulled the rest of it off,” He muttered.

    “Well that’s what happens to people who mess with a fairy that’s trying to sleep,” She grinned.

    “I didn’t do anything to it,” Merlin muttered bitterly. “I didn’t ask it to lay on my boot in the first place.”

    “You woke up a fairy that was trying to sleep. That’s what happens. I found out with at least ten grumpy fairies. For tiny little creatures they sure know how to put a fight.”

    “But why would it sleep in broad daylight?” Merlin argued.

    “They sleep in midday and wake up with the sun. You’re not really going to get worked up over a few strands of hair are you?” She asked sarcastically, smiling at Merlin.

    “It’s not that,” Merlin exclaimed. “It could maybe… I don’t know. Not get so fussed over a little thing like that.”

    “Like you’re doing right now?”

    “No. I,” Merlin said racking his brain for a comeback. “Fine,” He said giving up. “But if I see that thing again-“ Merlin said threatenly.

    “You’ll kill it,” She finished. “Is that all you bother to care about?” She said tightening her lips.

    “N-No. I-I”

    “Have no answer,” She finished again.

    Silence fell between them. Merlin wondered what he could have said to have upset her.

    "Anyway, if you’re hungry then I have a place with food,” She offered breaking the awkward silence.

    She didn’t seem to be so cheerful anymore. And even though Merlin felt bad about it, his ears perked at the sound of food. His stomach gave a loud growl at the thought and started to cramp again.

    She seemed to have regained some of her cheerful self from earlier, seeing his sudden hopeful expression. “Alright then,” She smiled. “It’s not far from here.”

    Just the thing he wanted to hear. Following her, Merlin tried not to double over from his terrible cramping stomach. Each careful step brought daggers if pain to his sides, steadily becoming worse. But Merlin was determined not to appear weak or pathetic. But she only walked faster. Keeping his head low to watch for jutting tree roots as well as to hide his grimaces of pain in case she decided to look back. But she didn’t look back even once as their distance between themselves became greater with her quick strides.

    Giving up trying to keep up with her, Merlin slowed down trying to settle his cramping stomach. Taking in heavy breaths as beads of sweat lined his four head as he knelt down on both knees, waiting for his recovery. Out the corner of his eye Merlin saw something move. Looking up at the trees, there was nothing to be seen. Still breathing hard Merlin continued to gaze up at the surrounding trees, trying to silence his breathing. The whole forest was eerily silent.

    One of the tree branches blinked. Squinting his eyes Merlin tried to get a clearer look at the strange branch. Almost instantly Merlin understood. This was no branch. And more what appeared to be branches began to blink at him. A soft breeze swept past Merlin, making his goose bumps and hair stand at end. As the wind brushed past his ear he heard a faint whisper.


    Forgetting about his stomach Merlin got up and ran. Fear gripping his guts he wanted to get as far away from those things as possible. But before he even took two steps, a root wrapped itself around Merlin’s ankle as he slammed face first to the ground.

    (This part of my story I can tell needs some improvement. So feel free to crit. Do you think its a bad idea not to give the girl a name yet?)


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