Once upon a time there was horribly ugly girl born to an exceedingly rich family. Like every other family they tried to hide their misgivings. She was the family's only daughter, seeing as the mother had killed herself after giving brith to such an ugly child. Father tried so very hard to make her beasutiful, but no amount of jewlery, clothing, or male up could hide how ugly and monstrous she really was. Since no tutor was willing to teach her, she was also very ignorant and stupid. Father said if it weren't for religion he would have sold her to a brothel a long time ago.
The only creature stupid enough not to mind her ugliness were animals. So she spent the whole entire day singing songs to animals in the garden because they were the only ones that would listen. Ironically she became an amazing singer, but sadly the animals were to stupid to notice. Her Father did, however. He was estatic! Finally his monster of a daughter was worth more than livestock!Oh wait, nevermind. She isn't. He remembered that she was a woman.
one day, she became of marrying age. Finally, he would get rid of his worhtless daughter. He could retire and have her be someone else's problem. Hopefully he could pay some poor farmer to keep her.
Father got a local boy to send news around town that the richest man in the area had a daughter of marrying age. She was was kind and could sing. But of course, he did not mention how ugly she was.
Soon marriage suitors came, but of course left after seeing her fuck ugly face. Even those who stayed and had listened to her singing still didn't want her.
"Hell no! I would never even bone. She's probably horrible in bed. She'd dumber than a pile of shit."
Soon everyone in town had heard of the ugly girl, and even the blind didnt want her sorry ass. Distraught, Father gave up and decided to send her to a convent. Even God accepts the useless and stupid, as long as they are willing to believe he figured.
On the day shewas to be sent away, a Fairy Godfather appeared before her. Of course, not the smartest girl in the world, she said this:
"What in fucks name is this! I don't even get a proper Fairy Godmother"
The Fairy Godfather gave the ungrateful bitch a dirty look."I was going to help you, but seeing as you're ugly and a bitch, I'm going to use you to fufil another client's wish," he sneered. The Fairy Godfather used his magical powers to give her voice to Susan Boyle. "I'm sure sweet Ms.Boyle deserves this voice more than you do."So the ugly bitch was sent to a convent in a different country and died as a mute nun. Father has his Happily Ever After because he boned the niehgbors daughter and got a very handsome son.
The End :)