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View Full Version : |[CLAYMAKER]| Chapter 2 -89%



Sutari
06-18-2011, 03:41 PM
Title: CLAYMAKER
Medium: Digital Webcomic
Genre: Supernatural/Seinen/Romance
Setting: A planet similar to earth.

http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2012/02/Sutari-cmcover.jpg?t=4f460d175ec2f
Synopsis:
This is the story of a boy who's village is destroyed by a shadowy serpent. Escaping due to his brother's sacrifice and a clay child's mysterious power, Leland Nasaru embarks on the biggest supernatural adventure of his era!

THIS THREAD WILL BE UPDATED SEMI-REGULARLY WITH PAGES AND/OR ART IN RELATION TO THE STORY.
-----
CHAPTERS:
Pilot:

http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01cov.jpg?t=4ea376ea05de8
p1
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/09/Sutari-cmch01p1.jpg?t=4ea3772ba23bc
p2
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/09/Sutari-cmch01p2.jpg?t=4ea37780065aa
p3
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/09/Sutari-cmch01p3.jpg?t=4ea377a5ee852
p4
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/09/Sutari-cmch01p4.jpg?t=4ea377d10124e
p5
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p5-jpg.jpg?t=4ea377ff776f8
p6
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p6-jpg.jpg?t=4ea3780f8eaaf
p7
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p7-4.jpg?t=4ea3782698dc8
p7-2
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p7-2-3.jpg?t=4ea37837b207e
p8
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p8.jpg?t=4ea3787106a1c
p9
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p9.jpg?t=4ea3788c91ae2
p10
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p10.jpg?t=4ea378a10d95c
p11
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p11.jpg?t=4ea378c190bf4
p12
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p12.jpg?t=4ea378d3dee07
p13
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p13.jpg?t=4ea378eee2ad3
p14
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p14.jpg?t=4ea3790419f6a
p15
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p15.jpg?t=4ea3791c08901
p16
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p16.jpg?t=4ea37935bce49
p17
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p17.jpg?t=4ea3795261b42
p18
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p18.jpg?t=4ea39cb94d6c5
p19
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p19.jpg?t=4ea39cd93b258
p20
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p20.jpg?t=4ea39cf92a17b
p21
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p21.jpg?t=4ea39d2229481
p22
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmcho1p22.jpg?t=4ea4a2421b6be
p23
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p23.jpg?t=4ea4a2554716a
p24
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p24.jpg?t=4ea4a26b09b66
p25
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p25.jpg?t=4ea4a2815e537
p26
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p26.jpg?t=4ea6182be3b45
p27
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p27.jpg?t=4ea6a8378d5e9
p28
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p28.jpg?t=4ea76f565048d
p29
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p29.jpg?t=4ea7bc0892a07
p30
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p30.jpg?t=4ea7f6ff821d3
p31
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p31.jpg?t=4ea7f719a24df
-=CHAPTER END=-
---
Chapter 2- The One they call Poxy

http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch02cov.jpg?t=4ea7f88813b77

p1
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch02p1.jpg?t=4ea9348a467b7
p2
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch02p2.jpg?t=4ea934a75650d
p3
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch02p3.jpg?t=4eaa714307cf6
p4
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch02p4.jpg?t=4eaa7176a08f6
p5
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch02p5.jpg?t=4eaa719bcc29a
p6
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch02p6.jpg?t=4eae9100296f3
p7
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch02p7.jpg?t=4eae928a48dd4
p8
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch02p8.jpg?t=4eae933212d79
p9
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/11/Sutari-cmch02p9.jpg?t=4eb6a8785fd64
p10
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/11/Sutari-cmch02p10.jpg?t=4eb6a89bbbbc0
p11
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/11/Sutari-cmch02p11.jpg?t=4eb6a8ba52360
p12
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/12/Sutari-cmch02p12-jpg.jpg?t=4f36c86d742fe
p13
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/12/Sutari-cmch02p13-jpg.jpg?t=4f36c8968c6a8
p14
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2012/02/Sutari-cmch02p14.jpg?t=4f36c8cfc2c13
p15
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2012/02/Sutari-cmch02p15.jpg?t=4f36c8f69ef34
p16
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2012/02/Sutari-cmch02p16.jpg?t=4f36c90e21f3e
p17
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2012/02/Sutari-cmch02p17.jpg?t=4f36c92176791
p18
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2012/02/Sutari-cmch02p18.jpg?t=4f36c93b48120
p19
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2012/02/Sutari-cmch02p19.jpg?t=4f36c95078aab
p20
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2012/02/Sutari-cmch02p20.jpg?t=4f36c96c5dc2a

-----
MISC STUFF:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Map:
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/06/Sutari-cmmap_500.jpg?t=4dfd020f54fbc

Mask concepts for different tribes. (you can see tei's :D )
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/06/Sutari-vigilantemask-jpg.jpg?t=4e04e8f1f2e2b
---------------------------------

CHARACTER SHEETS

Leland:
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/06/Sutari-lelandstuff.jpg?t=4e0682c54390c
Tei: COMING SOON
Poxy:
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/06/Sutari-poxystuff-3.jpg?t=4e0332e699423

erikamae
06-18-2011, 06:06 PM
Tei you silly object of war, you.

Kodos
06-18-2011, 08:05 PM
yessss

Matt
06-18-2011, 08:36 PM
A manga from Sutari? Heck yeah, I'm reading this one! (Your new avatar is adorable, by the way)

EDIT: The Tei avatar. It's different now.

DrPumpkin
06-18-2011, 09:50 PM
Well, I guess this just means I'll have to stalk you again, Sutari.

ram
06-18-2011, 10:48 PM
oh i thought the one called the claymaker was leland >.< why is the name of the story based on the name of the enemy?
(oh sorry i misread it) who are the claymakers? are they friends or foe?

Matt
06-19-2011, 09:36 AM
Stay tuned to find out in the next exciting installment of . . . of Sutari's . . . posting. Yeah.

Outcast
06-20-2011, 07:38 PM
Hey you're alive, and this seems interesting.

outlaw1422
06-20-2011, 11:58 PM
I'm definitely interested. This plot look insanely interesting, and fairly unique. Keep those updates comin'!!!

Bacon_Barbarian
06-21-2011, 05:44 PM
Depending on how committed you are, maybe you should take your work here (http://www.mangamagazine.net/). (I think) You get paid and everything.

Can't wait to read it of course, how long have these guys been in development?

Celestial-Fox
06-21-2011, 08:08 PM
LELAAAAAAAAAAND

/crying with joy

indescribable
06-21-2011, 10:39 PM
-Tei fangirl all the way-

weez18
06-21-2011, 11:06 PM
this sounds like it would b really awesome ^^ cant wait to read it

Sho
06-22-2011, 10:05 AM
Better get crackin' on this Rei D:<
...
Pwetty please? :>

Evil_Cake
06-22-2011, 08:32 PM
dont let them pressure u just believe in urself

Sutari
06-23-2011, 08:42 AM
Gahhhh I'm trying, I'm trying. I almost got them to let me post the pilot. I think i'll be able to do it *giddy*

But anyways, i added character sheets. well.. one. Leland and Tei's files got corrupted, so i have to trace over them the best i can and re-save them as a jpeg. FFFFFFFUUUUUUU I'll get them up asap.

Celestial-Fox
06-24-2011, 06:27 AM
I love Poxy's character design. Her pants are just like *3* But I'd watch out for the weight. I'm 5'9" and around 170 pounds. She's two inches taller than me with a much, much larger chest, haha. My aunt has a similar build and is the same height as her and is around 180. :>

indescribable
06-24-2011, 01:52 PM
Those masks, that character design. ; o ; This is gonna be epic.


In regards to Seef's point about weight -- some things to keep in mind:

- in a manga, breast size may not always be proportional to overall size, but bigger breasts DO add extra weight

- if she's at all fit/muscular, she's going to be somewhat heavier than she looks (muscle is denser and heavier than fat)

- with Poxy's relative size, and her boobs kinda hangin' loose the way they are, the cleavage line seems rather unlikely

A good rule of thumb is to start with a base of 100lbs for someone who is 5'0", and then add 5-6lbs for every additional inch. Remember to adjust along the way for different builds/fitness levels.


I dunno if this is helpful or just confusing and annoying, but I can't wait till you post more...! o v o
That is all.

Mr_D
06-24-2011, 02:06 PM
I'd learn to read specially for this comic! If I couldn't read that is.

ram
06-24-2011, 09:33 PM
I'd learn to read specially for this comic! If I couldn't read that is.

lol.... you probably have someone reading for you and typing for you when we are on the gb... i didn't know you don't read xD

Sutari
10-22-2011, 10:23 PM
CHAPTER 1 (pilot). I am amazed at how long it took to prep these.. and i keep finding mistakes in the flow of the story, but THEY GET BETTER, TRUST ME. OTL
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01cov.jpg?t=4ea376ea05de8
p1
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/09/Sutari-cmch01p1.jpg?t=4ea3772ba23bc
p2
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/09/Sutari-cmch01p2.jpg?t=4ea37780065aa
p3
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/09/Sutari-cmch01p3.jpg?t=4ea377a5ee852
p4
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/09/Sutari-cmch01p4.jpg?t=4ea377d10124e
p5
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p5-jpg.jpg?t=4ea377ff776f8
p6
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p6-jpg.jpg?t=4ea3780f8eaaf
p7
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p7-4.jpg?t=4ea3782698dc8
p7-2
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p7-2-3.jpg?t=4ea37837b207e
p8
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p8.jpg?t=4ea3787106a1c
p9
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p9.jpg?t=4ea3788c91ae2
p10
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p10.jpg?t=4ea378a10d95c
p11
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p11.jpg?t=4ea378c190bf4
p12
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p12.jpg?t=4ea378d3dee07
p13
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p13.jpg?t=4ea378eee2ad3
p14
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p14.jpg?t=4ea3790419f6a
p15
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p15.jpg?t=4ea3791c08901
p16
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p16.jpg?t=4ea37935bce49
p17
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p17.jpg?t=4ea3795261b42
p18
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p18.jpg?t=4ea39cb94d6c5
p19
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p19.jpg?t=4ea39cd93b258
p20
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p20.jpg?t=4ea39cf92a17b
p21
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p21.jpg?t=4ea39d2229481
p22
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmcho1p22.jpg?t=4ea4a2421b6be
p23
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p23.jpg?t=4ea4a2554716a
p24
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p24.jpg?t=4ea4a26b09b66
p25
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p25.jpg?t=4ea4a2815e537
p26
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p26.jpg?t=4ea6182be3b45
p27
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p27.jpg?t=4ea6a8378d5e9
p28
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p28.jpg?t=4ea76f565048d
p29
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p29.jpg?t=4ea7bc0892a07
p30
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p30.jpg?t=4ea7f6ff821d3
p31
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch01p31.jpg?t=4ea7f719a24df
-=CHAPTER END=-

indescribable
10-22-2011, 10:53 PM
-squeals- When does Poxy come into the story? o v o

GunZet
10-22-2011, 11:10 PM
Fking badass. Keep em coming Rei.

MiKuRu
10-22-2011, 11:35 PM
Awesome man! Keep it up :D.

GAbRieLWrIgHt
10-23-2011, 12:14 AM
if i was you, Sutari, i would make an epic battle scene follow in the next chapter

Bacon_Barbarian
10-23-2011, 10:06 AM
Oh yeah! (Has nothing constructive to add.)

ram
10-23-2011, 10:28 AM
I thought the time we come into adulthood is the time we....... well..... you know..... nevermind...

I love it so much Rei!

Outcast
10-23-2011, 11:07 PM
Glorious.

Bacon_Barbarian
10-23-2011, 11:59 PM
As freaking amazing as this is, was anybody else confused by the sudden appearance of a Narrator on page 22?

Matt
10-24-2011, 08:59 AM
Sutari, there is no single person on this forum more inspirational to an inspiring artist than you.

Also, yeah, the narrator on p.22 seemed a bit sudden.

Celestial-Fox
10-26-2011, 06:04 AM
How is it that I was gone for so long and didn't notice this? oAo I don't know what to say! So far it's wonderful. I loved page 28; it was my favorite. I'd watch out for modern language like "crap," though. It kinda kicks the reader out of the setting. I would do some language worldbuilding and try to come up with alternate exclamations. Stephen King did it amazingly in The Dark Tower (which also has a gorgeous comic series, too).

Sutari
10-26-2011, 08:15 AM
Thank you for the comments guys D: really, i appreciate the support.

@Tay - READ THE END OF CHAPTER ONE, MANG

@Ceef - I didn't even think about using dialogue to world-build.. i will think of that from now on!

@Bacon/Matt - Yeah, if that would have put a box around it, it would have fit in more instead of looking like leland's thoughts OTL

----------------------------------------------------------------------


HOKAY, NEXT CHAPTER.
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch02cov.jpg?t=4ea7f88813b77
I promise this chapter has bigger pages... but i will be going through them individually and re-doing the trees to be all cross-hatchy like in the title. But before that i am going downtown for a few hours cause my fan broke...

p1
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch02p1.jpg?t=4ea9348a467b7
p2
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch02p2.jpg?t=4ea934a75650d
p3
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch02p3.jpg?t=4eaa714307cf6
p4
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch02p4.jpg?t=4eaa7176a08f6
p5
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch02p5.jpg?t=4eaa719bcc29a
p6
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch02p6.jpg?t=4eae9100296f3
p7
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch02p7.jpg?t=4eae928a48dd4
p8
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/10/Sutari-cmch02p8.jpg?t=4eae933212d79
p9
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/11/Sutari-cmch02p9.jpg?t=4eb6a8785fd64
p10
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/11/Sutari-cmch02p10.jpg?t=4eb6a89bbbbc0
p11
http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/11/Sutari-cmch02p11.jpg?t=4eb6a8ba52360

MiKuRu
10-26-2011, 12:32 PM
I like it so far Rei [specially page 28]. whyyousoheavyTei xD.

Bacon_Barbarian
10-26-2011, 08:29 PM
*re-reads completed chapter listening to TTGL Theme*

Epic. 8)

Nyarlathotep
10-27-2011, 12:36 AM
Excellent work! Great read...well done in all aspects.

Joosh
10-27-2011, 03:48 PM
Man Rei.
Make this a book
Sell it on here to me ;-;

GAbRieLWrIgHt
10-27-2011, 05:29 PM
i'm loving this, it's really good. the layouts are good. there is a problem with his feet on the chapter 2 title page, other than that the legs are also appear to be stiff, but you may have done that on purpose

Celestial-Fox
10-27-2011, 06:04 PM
I keep coming back to this thread just to look at all he pages again. XD I like how this new chapter is starting out so far. The thing I noticed on my re-reads, though, is that your pages don't have a lot of content in them--that is, it reminds me of a series of full-blown images with tiny captions instead of a comic.

More fluid motion and readability would result if you planned more panels in each page. You average 3 or 4 panels a page, but if you look around at other comics you'll notice that they have more panels than that. Watchmen had about 6 to 9 panels a page--and I'm not suggesting that you kill yourself and do that (it takes a certain level of practice to effectively get to that point), but just try to be more conscious of your paneling. Instead of cutting in and around your scenes, try to get some successive movements; it adds to the mood.

Try checking out the first few pages of Fungus Grotto (http://www.destiny-makers.net/fg/fg_cov.html). You don't actually have to read it, but look at the movement in the pages. Each panel drives some sort of action, no matter how subtle. Some focus on nervous fidgeting of feet, sideways glances, or even breathing. The result is a smoother line of action and emotion that is easy to follow.

(Also, the comic has been running for a long time, so you can see a lot of improvement in paneling techniques as time goes on. I really like the way the artist--Ms,Shatia Hamilon--handles dialogue in the newer chapters.)

Sutari
10-28-2011, 05:16 AM
Thank you seef.... HONESTLY THANK YOU. If you didnt say that, i wouldn't know any of that. But you're absolutely right. I will add more panels and more flow. *bows*

btw, 3 more pages uploaded :)

Celestial-Fox
10-28-2011, 04:22 PM
I feel so bad about giving you such tough crits because I can't do comics for crap! D:

But ooh, shiny Tei. XD

I forgot to mention that a good place to worldbuild the dialect would be to look at words with traditionally religious associations ("hell," chapter 2, page 2) and replace them with something else. Do these characters believe in a place that's hell-like? What's its name? You can reinforce that this new made-up word isn't something kids should say by having other characters give sideways glances or make little comments about it.

Joss Whedon did it in his TV series, Firefly, with the word "gorram (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gorram)." This example is a little obvious as for what it means, but you get the idea. :)

Evil_Cake
10-29-2011, 01:45 AM
cool 2 see some Tei action

Renzokuken
10-29-2011, 03:22 PM
Ho-shi7, this is different to when you first revealed the series. You've done some work! Hoho! Wow.

You're a big Kishimoto fan, I'm assuming?

DeBraveMan
10-29-2011, 08:54 PM
Very interesting. The story and characters intrigue me.

Sutari
10-31-2011, 08:29 AM
@ Seef: NO NO NO its ok. I have less of an idea than you do, so you're helping me!

@renzo: It shows that much, huh... >_> I'm just a fan of his cloud style and the linear shading.. honest

thank you to everyone else's comments!
-----------------------------
3 MORE PAGES ADDED

Outcast
10-31-2011, 06:46 PM
Pac-Man-Tei.

ram
11-01-2011, 09:10 PM
Rei that roof on the tree house, is that pattern? or did you line them up one by one?

Regantor
11-03-2011, 11:06 AM
Difficult to say much here since you've been getting so much attention, but I have been keeping up with this, and it's definitely damn well earned, Sutari...

If I had any critiques, it's probably that the backgrounds can be a little weaker than the rest of it. The mountains in particular really seemed to lack detail; And the perspective on P30 is just jaunting as hell. Perhaps it was supposed to be a "fisheye" sort of effect? Poxy probably should have been distorted more, if that was your intention...

But anyway. Yeah. I really love the character designs and pacing. Keep up the good work. *_*

GAbRieLWrIgHt
11-05-2011, 01:02 AM
i suggest posting this on http://mytakoyaki.com

MiguelAndrew
11-05-2011, 11:56 AM
yes!! I can finally read sutari's manga.

Peteman
11-05-2011, 07:15 PM
Man this stuffs awsome. I love the character design; it has a 'Native American,' feel to it, which is cool. Though I would repeat what others have said, your backgrounds don't match up to the standards of your characters and sometimes theres too much open space with too few panels. But your nack for 'dramatic-moment-one-panel-pages' like Ch2, pge 3 is awsome.

Sutari
11-06-2011, 10:38 AM
Ahhh thank you for the crits. Really. But you are right again. My weakest point is backgrounds :( If anyone has any tutorials i can use, i would appreciate it. It seems too daunting to make up my own building style... OTL I CANT EVEN FATHOM IT.

(EDIT: 3 pages added)

Obitual_Crow
11-06-2011, 04:10 PM
This...is...amazing O:
and really inspiring!

I don't know much about backgrounds...but what I learned from some higher ups regarding making detailed backgrounds quick and easy is that you could draw a detailed item and duplicate smart object and resize it...repeat this as many times as you need until you get a detailed background. Well that works for duplicable objects such as foliage, soldiers, tanks, etc. However for other terrain like mountains, try using stock images or textures to fill the blank spaces. For architecture, I don't think there's no way around that but to research on them. You see a lot of building structure designs from concept works so I guess there's no way around it D: I usually make use of darkness as a cheap shot on backgrounds of interior but your story is not gloomy to permit use of that method :P

Nonetheless, this is really good *^*

Peteman
11-06-2011, 04:53 PM
Well you have them in American Indian patternish clothing so how about American Indian patternish buildings. You don't have to make up a completely brand new one but mix and much from from buildings of the past and present to get a new style.

Peteman

Bacon_Barbarian
11-06-2011, 11:18 PM
I don't see why you have a problem with backgrounds. The first 2 pages of chapter 1 are gorgeous. Though, they (the mountains anyway) do seem to deteriorate afterwards.

snowb400
11-11-2011, 06:47 PM
Yeah... the first page has a good bg but then the rocky surfaces aren't as good as the first page. I'm bad with shading rocky surfaces too.

Joosh
11-13-2011, 08:18 PM
You should start updating every chapter instead of every three pages.

I have to constantly read the whole chapter over to just refresh myself

Bacon_Barbarian
11-14-2011, 12:27 AM
I sort of agree with Joosh. Unless, of course, the segmented updates keep you better motivated ...

Celestial-Fox
11-14-2011, 03:35 AM
Hey, Rei, have you seen Fox-orian's tutorials on screentoning digitally? If you know how to digitally paint in greyscale, you can easily convert it (http://fox-orian.deviantart.com/gallery/9162487#/d1obme7) into something interesting for your manga. --> (also useful) <-- (http://fox-orian.deviantart.com/art/Scanned-Screentoning-Effect-156788677?q=gallery&#37;3Afox-orian&#37;2F9162487&qo=8)

C: Simple, interesting, and very applicable stuff! I think it would make whatever work you do fantastic! But I know you're so far in that it would be a total pain in the butt to tone everything you've already blocked in. :<

ram
11-14-2011, 07:03 AM
Thanks Seef that really helped me a lot!, I know that's for Rei though OTL

snowb400
11-14-2011, 05:42 PM
Rei, your "killing off a character in the first chap doesn't really work the way you did it. Characters die all the time in manga, but since you don't know Leland very well, it isn't quite as sad as you probably should have made it. I made the same mistake with my first manga (just for fun, never got past the first few pages.)

ram
11-14-2011, 05:51 PM
@Seef, What software is that? It doesn't seem to be mangastudio

snowb400
11-14-2011, 06:59 PM
Who's seef?

Bacon_Barbarian
11-14-2011, 07:28 PM
*head-desk*

Just keep up the good work Rei.

snowb400
11-14-2011, 07:30 PM
Whoa. Bacon's avatar changed. Gah I didn't even know it was bacon til I read his name...

jubeh
11-22-2011, 08:42 PM
Stay on topic

Cloudy
11-23-2011, 01:57 AM
REI this is epic, can't wait for your to upload more <3

Celestial-Fox
11-23-2011, 02:47 AM
Who's seef?
Thaaaaat's me. XD


@Seef, What software is that? It doesn't seem to be mangastudio
It's Photoshop (all versions)


Good stuff, Rei. I notice a great positive change in the paneling+ But I'm also noticing a lot of things "spelled out" that should instead be conveyed through images alone. For instance, "zoom in" on ch2 p8 could be conveyed in 3+ panels, where the image literally zooms in, perhaps with action lines. Also, "throw" on ch2 p11 is a little unnecessary, because the pose is already really expressive and the reader can tell what's going on without the words.

Random question: how much have you experimented with background styles? I'm noticing on pages like ch2 p10 and other forest scenes that the trees seem to outweigh everything as far as visual interest and texture goes. Maybe you could consider adding detail to the cliffs? Also, remember that the darker a color is, the more it tends to pull an object to the foreground (this principle is called atmospheric perspective). I think it would benefit you to introduce maybe 1 or 2 more midtone greys into the comic to give the background elements different depths, because as it is, the dark grey of cliffs and the white of the trees is jarring to the eye, as the texture of the trees competes with the value of the cliffs for foreground attention.

Bacon_Barbarian
12-26-2011, 07:58 PM
I hope that our suggestion that you only update this when you had a whole chapter done didn't kill this! I realize it's possible you could be busy, but it'd be nice to know what is going on. : )

AlmanacnamedTime
12-26-2011, 08:38 PM
im hooked.