View Full Version : My Manga Should I Continue?

12-07-2010, 05:24 PM
About a year ago i have begun to start my manga in tiled Hunter Dragon Chronicles
the manga was about Mythical Animals as Dragon spirits the majority of the story was based and will be based upon the Eastern European and Chinese mythologies most of them.

Last year my manga was criticized as similar to naruto, setting wise i will be changing some aspects of the story.

I Might change the current universe to a blade runner universe with a darker tone of the world.

Here's a short summery of the manga

Short Summery:
In the first few pages the main character is introduced, along with with the fictional planet tairn, as the reader will noticed there are observers in dark robe hooded observing.

The second few pages
Zuma,City police chief,Sensei Jiro,SFC police captain are both introduced
along with Deputy Superintendent and some others.

Download the old manga version of mine and critiques are welcomed

I would like to know what was wrong with the older version.

12-08-2010, 06:05 AM
Is English your first language?

I think your old story's problem is what most early writers get and that's over ambition.

Don't get me wrong, ambition is a brilliant thing to have; but in this old version, you're trying cram in way too much concepts. I mean, you've described the genre of this story as, well, to save me from copying a pasting, a lot of things. Try and scale the story down so you can concentrate on what you're doing and keep your manga from going all over the place.

Writing wise, again, you need to just calm down. In the first 22 pages, you've attempted to introduce way too many characters. Alot of them seem to be leading to different plots to be resolved later, but there's far too many ambiguous talking that make the overall thing slightly confusing. The conversations just seem very forced and more like wikipedia articles in speech form rather than normal talking.

Naming, again, you've made the mistake that so many early writers make. The name is not important. You honestly do not have to concentrate on naming everything in an early draft- try and work on the story more. Once the story's improved and you know where this wants to go, then name stuff. Right now, the names you've put in, like 'The Eye of the Serpent', really dosen't make sense and just sound silly.

My advice to you by reading your old script is to get a piece of paper and a pencil, then list every character and plot line and everything else. Then start crossing out everything that just isn't relevant to the story. When you have the bear bones of what you're left with, expand that and I'm pretty sure something better will come up.

Of course, this is clearly my opinion and you have every right to tell me to go away. But I honestly think that everything you did just needs to be shrunk down because right now, this manga idea's all over the place.

Good luck, and I'd love to see how you improve! ;)

12-13-2010, 03:04 AM
Well, Dr. Pumpkin covered all his bases, and hit the nail on the head.

That's sage advice there, I believe. I hope you offer some critique on my Manga too when I post it!

12-13-2010, 04:45 AM
yes you must ^^

01-18-2011, 08:05 PM
the story is good but i would like to see it drawn down on paper or else i cant really comment