View Full Version : Let me weave you a story.

04-12-2011, 03:11 PM
This is the first part of a little something I'm writing. I'm not sure what I'll do with it. It doesn't reveal much of what I have planned for it, I just wanted to share a bit.

Couple warning: I'd call this about PG so yeah...


I looked to the cloudless skies. The stars were bright enough to touch during this moon-less midnight, and in them I could tell I was getting close enough to start worrying. Cautiously, I put my hand on the hilt of my dagger tucked safely, and invisibly, under my tattered cloak.

I came to a sign planted in the middle of a fork in the road. Left to the capital; right to walk for three more days. My stomach grumbled to remind me to go left. Stupid stomach, don’t you know how many people are in Altavan? Nevertheless, knowing what I needed to do, I turned left, following a well-traveled, still-muddy road straight through the dead forest before me. The tall trees swayed in the gentle night breeze, as if they had swept the storm clouds from earlier away. I silently wondered where they had gone to, taking their poison rain with them, when I heard a rustling in the shadowed spaces between the tangled branches overhead.

In my mind, I checked my inventory. I had almost and entire rabbit in my possession. Hopefully, that was enough to appease the Guardians. I sniffed the air, looking for the scent of dragon.

Dragon was not the scent that met my nose. A foul odor assaulted me from under the smell of the rain; one intertwined with destruction and death. I smirked under my hood. I am going the right way. The rustling came again, this time closer. I continued walking, waiting for the Creature to make its move. It was watching me.

Impatient, I stopped. It took the bait, just as I had thought it would, and attacked. Before it could even un-sheath it's claws, I had run it though. Not one of my more exciting encounters. I picked up the carcass and hauled it with me. Now I won't have to sacrifice my rabbit.

Anna closed the document without making any changes-- again. Rubbing her eyes, she shut the computer down and set it on her nightstand. Her white cat glared at her as if scolding her from the end of her bed. “Yes, James, I know it's late.” She rolled her eyes at the cat.

Shuffling the clutter of sewing materials and papers, she heard her front door open and shut almost silently. Smirking, she told the cat, “That's what I was waiting for.” The cat padded across the bed covers and laid down on Kenzy's pillow.

She stuck her tongue out at the cat, “He'll just push you off like every other night.” Anna, finally finding her jammies, waited til she heard his footsteps at the door, and his hand on the knob. That's one. It tuned slowly, like he expected her to be sleeping. That's two. He pushed it slightly open bit by bit. Almost.....Three!

As the light from the hallway fell upon her, she stripped her shirt off. “Well hello there,” she said posing on the bed, afore mentioned bed clothes tossed in his direction, “Can you tell what I'm thinking about?” Kenzy stood in the doorway blinking, “Hi baby, I didn't expect you to still be awake.” She jumped up and gracefully avoiding the mess, sauntered over to him. “You know I don't sleep without you.” She kissed him and sauntered away again to flop back down on the bed. “Are you coming or not?” Anna slipped her wedding band off and put it in her mouth.

“Uh, yeah.” Kenzy mumbled, tripping his was through the dark room as he tried to get his shirt off. He (barely) managed without falling to make it to the bed. “I know exactly what you want from me,” he told her. Anna giggled like a schoolgirl as he crouched like a tiger, ready to take his wife. “Rawr,” he growled playfully.

“Rawr?” She questioned, “Is you going to eat me, Big Scawy Tigew?” He laughed mock-maliciously, “Yes, little girl! I will eat you all gone! Omnomnom!” She giggled some more and he pounced.......

….Landing directly on James the cat who let out a mighty yowl. Anna burst out in rolling laughter. Indignantly, James strutted off to hide.

04-12-2011, 06:07 PM
At this point in the story, I can't identify a conflict. Anna is a writer, I can see that right out, but there's no real problem hook after the fantasy bit. But, as you said, it doesn't reveal much, and you have yet to post the first big hill in the roller coaster of a story. I'll probably read it when it comes. I won't lie: a sex scene right in the beginning is rather attractive, and that's coming from a guy who hates general romance.

04-12-2011, 07:56 PM
Hehehe.... Well thanks. I'm going to disapoint you though. Other than a few more words, that's about as descriptive as it gets. ^^;

04-12-2011, 08:03 PM
Meh. I was never big on sex scenes. Just that little "ecchi" bit was fun to read. Too much more the story will no longer be the main focus.

I like the cat. James.

04-12-2011, 08:11 PM
The cat doesn't like you though. The cat barely likes Anna.

04-12-2011, 08:17 PM
Aww. But, y'know, in Russia . . .

--no, not gonna say any more. Anyway, I'll stop spamming up your story thread.