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Slurpee
05-18-2013, 10:57 PM
Ugh finally after doing so much stuff I finally got myself a first page. YES. I hope I get neater as I go long. This is a long term project btw, and I have the end written out and everything. Just gottta draw it all out.
Summary: Ace and his teammates are Galaxy Defenders. They defend all 24 galaxies without taking their drop seriously.
Contains some bad jokes, but no nudity. Mostly Comedy and Action.
http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/138/7/b/ch0pg1_by_v3rad-d65r7ku.jpg

Kodos
05-18-2013, 11:04 PM
You kinda have to make that bigger. Some of the text, like that third panel in the box, is literally impossible to read at this resolution :O

Slurpee
05-22-2013, 02:44 PM
Okay. thanks. I'll try re-uploading them at 300.
And now... page TWO. sorry about the whole word size thing, I'll re upload this later.http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/142/5/e/ch0pg2_by_v3rad-d666hf1.jpg

JJJorgie
05-29-2013, 03:35 PM
I'm not really a writer, but here are some things I've noticed:
The two pages don't seem to go together at all and some parts need to be explained better. Like what's with the girl's mind reading powers? Why can't she control them? It's just a kind of confusing thing made worse by the fact that the order you have to read the dialogue changes. I thought the spaceship was a crack in space at first. It doesn't look very functional or ship-like. What is the girl supposed to "pay attention" to?

Basically, the whole thing just seems like a mashup of different plot points. Some different parts seem that they'll make an interesting story, but they need a better intro and more thought to them.

Slurpee
06-10-2013, 09:03 PM
Yes you're right. Maybe I should give more thought to all of this before drawing it.

- - - Updated - - -

Yes you're right. Maybe I should give more thought to all of this before drawing it. I honestly wrote out the script and everything.. but when it came to putting it on computer and planning the thumbnails I rushed it. I'll do these pages over.

Regantor
06-12-2013, 03:18 PM
Yeah. The humor was okay, but I think just rushing things to get it done it one of the worst downfalls that we are all guilty of. If you are having trouble with the pacing, one "thing" being the focus of each page is generally a good idea, wither that is a plot point, a joke, or an action taking place. And you don't have to have speech in every panel, either. Just a person looking annoyed can say alot.

Either way, I do think you have potential. :3

Slurpee
01-03-2014, 01:55 AM
I'm back from the dead. And with a new lime flavor as well.Think I've slightly improved, but only in the inking department.

Is it okay to update this thread... or should I make a new one? I'm not really sure if I'm necroing a thread but this isn't locked....
ANYWAY, I redid everything, wrote a plot, the whole nine yards and I'm starting from the beginning with a new page.

<object width="450" height="535"><param name="movie" value="http://backend.deviantart.com/embed/view.swf?1"><param name="flashvars" value="id=424261182&width=1337"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://backend.deviantart.com/embed/view.swf?1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="450" height="535" flashvars="id=424261182&width=1337" allowscriptaccess="always"></embed></object><br><a href="http://v3rad.deviantart.com/art/Galactic-CH-1-PG-1-424261182">Galactic: CH 1 PG 1</a> by <span class="username-with-symbol u"><span class="simple-symbol">~</span><a class="u regular username" href="http://v3rad.deviantart.com/" >V3raD</a><span class="user-symbol regular " data-quicktip-text="" data-show-tooltip=""></span></span> on <a href="http://www.deviantart.com">deviantART</a>

Slurpee
01-11-2014, 12:47 AM
Oh shit, look page 2.
<object width="450" height="519"><param name="movie" value="http://backend.deviantart.com/embed/view.swf?1"><param name="flashvars" value="id=425929818&width=1337"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://backend.deviantart.com/embed/view.swf?1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="450" height="519" flashvars="id=425929818&width=1337" allowscriptaccess="always"></embed></object><br><a href="http://v3rad.deviantart.com/art/Galactic-CH-1-pg-2-425929818">Galactic: CH 1 pg 2</a> by <span class="username-with-symbol u"><a class="u regular username" href="http://v3rad.deviantart.com/" >V3raD</a><span class="user-symbol regular" data-quicktip-text="" data-show-tooltip="" data-gruser-type="regular"></span></span> on <a href="http://www.deviantart.com">deviantART</a>

Evil_Cake
01-13-2014, 04:33 AM
hard to judge after just two pages, but keep em coming. improvement is p much guaranteed after a while, as long as u try your best and believe.

and get helpful critiques or comments (unlike this one : \ )

Slurpee
01-13-2014, 11:43 AM
That's the most helpful comment I've gotten, seriously. Most of the time I get is stuff like
"Neat".
"that's pretty"
or
"His face is off".

Demonfyre
01-15-2014, 04:47 PM
Are you wanting critique?

Slurpee
01-15-2014, 09:29 PM
Yup. C&C are always welcome in ALL of my drawing/writing threads.

Demonfyre
01-19-2014, 02:08 PM
The issues I find with this are more that the anatomy is reducing the impact of the pages. A lot of the poses are grounded within the realms of familiarity and thus aren't very interesting. A feel of dynamics isn't really achieved, particularly in the recent page where one of the characters is elbowing the other. I am of the belief that increasing the dynamics and choosing more interesting angles (rather than stick to single and simple perspective shots) will aid with the flow of the panels and comic in general. Expression is also important, since in that same page, the guy who is supposed to be asleep looks like he is cringing. I would also suggest using sound as a way to aid in describing the environment, particularly that fact that he is asleep - which in general will allow you to build on atmosphere etc.

You also miss full stops, which is weird considering you still use exclamation marks throughout the dialogue (including even an occasional ellipse). I cannot really talk of the story as there isn't enough development as of critiquing, but from an art POV there is plenty which can be worked on. I think you can work more on the flow of the speech, and the placements of the speech bubbles to give a more natural flow. Remember that you are wanting to make the eye move with the composition; if your audience isn't feeling this "flow" you have a confusing and poorly designed page. Personally I would like to see you draw your characters multiple times (with reference) since they are inconsistent in each panel/page.

Summary: Anatomy, Shot Construction, Character Consistency, Atmosphere, Page Composition.
Those are what I would work on personally.

Matt
01-19-2014, 11:14 PM
I agree with Demonfyre, but I have a bit of an addendum. Also, I'm only critiquing the latest two pages, since the others are old as balls by Internet standards.

The transition between the two pages is jarring. It makes sense, but it's jarring. I suggest adding a few transition panels, like fading from the blackness of space to (what I assume is) the classroom, or zooming in to it. Movie-like panoramas opening the story and zooming in doesn't really work in novels, but it's fine in the visual medium of comics.

Onto the stuff I'm actually confident in critiquing:

As of right now, two pages in, you have three characters introduced, but they're easy to follow because, visually, they're pretty distinct. However, they're also incredibly generic. You don't have to change what you have, as it makes for an easy-to-understand introduction, but work some distinct personality into your characters. As of right now, I predict we'll see a headstrong, lazy protagonist (the spiky-haired dude who fell asleep) who will probably be naturally talented at what he does, a la Lloyd Irving of Tales of Symphonia; the know-it-all, smart-guy best friend, characterized by his staying awake in class and glasses; and the stern, no-nonsense teacher/mentor who will follow the kids on their journey and nag at them for not adhering to his teachings.

These aren't inherently bad things -- they're just done all the time. From here, I'll reiterate that you should expand upon those personalities in a way you haven't seen done in anime or manga. Identifiable characteristics are good things; being able to summarize a character in a single word isn't actually bad (e.g. Ned Stark is honorable, Walter White is proud, and both are well-written characters). They just need to be more than that word, and even that one word needs to have implications. Honor only gets you so far against enemies who are willing to fight dirty, for example. Your lead character's laziness could lead to him missing something that ends up costing lives he could have saved. He could drop into angst and depression, as most people would expect, but people do have a tendency to take the blame off themselves if possible. He could deny it and deny it until it became too much for him and he snapped, and only then went through the five stages of grief and comes out scarred, yet more mature in a complete character arc.

Just an idea. What you come up with will probably be better than that. The point is, you generally want characters to have realistically complex personalities that are still simple to follow. As an added bonus, if a character reacts realistically to a situation, real people, your readers, can learn and grow by reading your work.

The best thing about the comic so far is that each character is unique (among each other; not unique in the whole of fictional media) and identifiable immediately. Keep that, but improve it. Don't worry too much about your current drawing and writing skills -- just write and write and draw and draw, and get stuff finished so people (us) can read and enjoy what you create, and so you can have something to show for your ideas. You'll grow and improve naturally in all areas if you practice and never quit.