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Chuchu
08-02-2012, 09:15 PM
Yo, long time no see!!!

I'm finally making a oneshot, only 11 pages but a oneshot nevertheless. I started yesterday and I'm on the second page, let's see if I can finish without slacking off! :cat_yahoo:

Edit- 2 pages up!



http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/216/4/e/by_mama__s_side_pg_1_by_mkkibousha-d59si5z.jpg


http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/216/d/5/by_mama__s_side_pg_2_by_mkkibousha-d59sijp.jpg

ClockHand
08-02-2012, 09:33 PM
I know its a story board but place, work the panels; it hurts to look and I bet its also confusing for you to read too.

Chuchu
08-02-2012, 09:36 PM
I know its a story board but place, work the panels; it hurts to look and I bet its also confusing for you to read too.

Actually, it's pretty easy for me to understand. But then again, it's my sloppy work after all! XD
But thanks for the input, I'm not fully use to doing it digitally but I'll put forth a better effort. ^^

ClockHand
08-02-2012, 10:13 PM
In my experience, if I do something like that I'm unable to read it after 2 weeks.

Chuchu
08-02-2012, 10:19 PM
In my experience, if I do something like that I'm unable to read it after 2 weeks.

Well yeah that's a possibility, but I have notes jotted down plus it's not that long, so I won't get lost. :)

Chuchu
08-02-2012, 10:23 PM
I few shots I took for my blog, page 1 has already been toned so all that's left is the typesetting.

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/302302_264710253643696_883721733_n.jpg
https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/418675_264710340310354_2100752586_n.jpg

ClockHand
08-02-2012, 10:27 PM
A recommendation. Do the panels before doing a serious drawing (probably on the story board part), and try not to do panel scenes until you are late on your work, as you might want to change panels later and you can always fit the image to the panel, but not if you already made both on the same paper (don't know if I'm being clear).

Chuchu
08-02-2012, 10:30 PM
A recommendation. Do the panels before doing a serious drawing (probably on the story board part), and try not to do panel scenes until you are late on your work, as you might want to change panels later and you can always fit the image to the panel, but not if you already made both on the same paper (don't know if I'm being clear).

No, you're totally clear! The "How to ink" book I have says something very similar. Again, I appreciate your advice and tips very much!

ClockHand
08-02-2012, 10:34 PM
okay, cool cool cool.

By the way, good shading.

Chuchu
08-02-2012, 10:41 PM
thanks!:D

Chuchu
08-03-2012, 02:07 PM
Two pages added!

ClockHand
08-03-2012, 03:31 PM
1.- Be aware of the tones. As I pointed the shading was really good, but they become secondary or hidden to the eye with strong tones on the hair. Also, on the same subject of "be aware of the tones", also be aware of the tones from the same character on different panels, you can see how the mom gets her hair clear on different panels and the girl get it darker on others.

2.- Warn readers that this is read from right to left. I was trying to read it from left to right this whole time and didn't make sense.

3.- Panels tempo. On the second page there is a car accident, and those panels are supposed to be really fast, which they are according to the size (size of the panel = amount of time pass on the action of the panel), but there is also a time of "how much time pass between panel A to panel B", and this one is made by shortening the distances between panels. They do look fast, but they don't look dynamic; as a suggestion, you could try to make an asymmetrical panel for the one of the car (first one of the accident) which is also in contra position of the axis of direction, or on the screams of the mom and the girl, where you can easily make asymmetric panels going in vertical. You could try it and see what happens. Oh ya also on the same subject, you are using a same distance between the accident and ones the accident happens, you could try to make a little bigger distance, to let know readers that there was something of time in between both events (again, its just a suggestion).

Looking good.

Chuchu
08-03-2012, 10:16 PM
Thanks for the suggestion, it does lack dynamic. I'm going to play around with it using your suggestion, see if I can fix it. ^^
And thanks a lot for the bit about the tones, great input that I'm glad I got before starting a series! I'll most likely use them sparingly.

ClockHand
08-04-2012, 01:25 AM
If you have goggles. I could make better suggestions or corrections as I could draw over the images on the site.

Chuchu
08-04-2012, 08:31 AM
I do have it and would appreciate it if it's not too much of your time. ^^''

ClockHand
08-04-2012, 03:45 PM
Over the "get out of the way" I did some lines in cyan, see if you like them.

Also, when did the earring fell? I notice a small (SMALL) panel when she appears without an earring, but really I didn't thought the earring fell (when I correct these things I first read them without the dialogues, and then the dialogues, to see if they made sense).