A lame crying thread (me)

[Mr_Ruas]

I am really sick and it seems I can't be healed. It makes my life kind of crappy. I still try to live normally though. I am an adult already but still young. I live with my mother because I don't have a job (= no money, no apartment). I haven't told about my sickness to anyone (other than doctors).

Because of my sickness, there are things I can't do. One of those things is something that could help me find a job, just a little bit. My mother wants me to do it ofcourse. I have avoided the subject, let her whine and done everything I can to not let her know about my sickness. She either get her to forget it or she will whine and maybe think I'm lazy and useless.

I had a fever some days ago. Tough one. I didn't eat too much. When I got better, I was hungry but still tired and I was just going to go watch my fav tv show and eat the food I just made. She started suddenly whining to me and I was just trying to go and eat. She kept whining and suddenly I snapped. I said it right to her face that I can't because I'm sick and that I didn't want to tell her.

Now, she is super worried and wants to know more. She won't leave me alone on that matter. I knew this would happen if I told her. That's why I didn't want to tell her. It's not like she can make things any better. The hunger, tiredness and the fact that I hate being criticised for something that is not my fault finally got me.

I can't believe it happened. I have fooled everyone around me thinking I'm healthy when grannies are healthier than I am. One time I was speaking to a relatively large audience, I was worried that I would pass out from the pain or something but in the end, nobody noticed a thing.

Now I need a job even more than ever. She is going to keep worrying and asking. The more I tell, the worse it will be. If I get a job and move away, she might think I was just scared or something. At least I wouldn't have to deal with her and her pity. I am a very proud person. If people around me know how weak and sick I am and pity me, I can't pretend to myself I'm healthy.

I'm not sure what I'm even asking here right now. I guess I'm still in shock of what happened. I'm asking here because I know she or anyone who knows me won't probably look here. How can I get away, as far away as possible. I don't want to move away from my home town but right now, I want to move to other side of the world but got no money.

[apples13]

Everyone faces their own set of problems. All we can do is try our best.

[Hamachi]

Here's a virtual bro-hug for you, man. I did read your post as it sounds like you wanted someone to listen. Yes, the majority of the world does suck, but there are decent people out there who will let you lean on 'em. If you know some people like that, please give them that chance, and if you're still looking, don't give up hope. You do not have to go through this alone.

Quick story/edit to give my words some credibility:
One of my cousins has HIV. Suffice it to say he made some really stupid decisions in his earlier marriage years, and for a while he was crushed. He found it really hard to pay the medical bills (this was when AIDS medicine was really expensive and not that effective) and to endure his significantly deteriorated health, but eventually he pulled his act together due to outside help and began working hard. I remember my parents helping him out every so often. His wife and kids, bless their souls, forgave him and stuck with him all throughout the process, and now he's doing quite well. I can honestly tell you that he is now content and at peace with his life. So I guess I want to encourage you to keep looking for that light at the end of your tunnel!

[Sylux]

Just believe in yourself, bro! Don't belive in the me that believes in you, or even the you I believe in. Believe in the Mr. Raus who believes in you.

[jubeh]

Hm where have you worked previously. Getting a job can be hard if you don't know the right avenues. Are you in the states?

[Outcast]

Umm, did he just say his pride's more valuable than his wellbeing?

[apples13]

Umm, did he just say his pride's more valuable than his wellbeing?
Yes

[Sylux]

In a true man's case, his pride IS his wellbeing.

[Bacon_Barbarian]

If your mother knows that your sick, but nothing more, you should really try to explain what exactly it is that is wrong with you. You may not have wanted her to worry, but at this point, she does know something, and that's probably the worse situation she can be in. She just wants to try and help you as best she can, y'know?

[Cloudy]

^ I agree with this, keeping someone who loves and cares for you in the dark is cruel and I'm sorry but it seems like an awful thing to do to your loving mother, if you are sick don't you want loving support from those around you? also it probably isn't a good idea to get a job if you are very sick, usually they have forms to fill out to ask about any medical conditions and you wouldn't want to worsen your conditions...whatever that is.

[ram]

Man I'm such a softie for this types of things, Nothing I can really advice more than the the people already commented..

Just don't drink alcohol or smoke just cause your feeling depressed over this cause it might make you more sick than you are now, and go and exercise more often just don't overwork yourself.

I really feel for you cause I hate it when people are getting depressed, worried or any type of sad emotion because of me specially my Mom.

Edit: Btw how old are you really? cause your profile seems to be private and Rio told me that it's automatically set to private if your 13 or below.

[jubeh]

This thread is 2 months old are you being for real?