PDA

View Full Version : Project CORE chapter one pages



AudriCantDance
12-28-2011, 03:18 PM
First page of Project Core, used a Fineliner pen, most of it done digitally using MyPaint
Would be nice to hear sumthings wrong with it, Will upload new pages as soon as I finish them

http://th03.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2011/362/a/2/manga_page_one_by_leonbasque-d4ki69o.jpg

ClockHand
12-28-2011, 03:26 PM
One art thread per person.

Also, I recommend you to read this:
http://www.mangatutorials.com/forum/showthread.php?1657-Comic-Manga-Discussion-Thread-Page-Composition-amp-Paneling/page4
It's a discussion with low participants that I tried to give a good focus, still you should read it because it covers your problem.

Maxx_Wellington
12-28-2011, 03:27 PM
haha love how you ask for critiques...

Anyways, if you want manga help, I suggest you head to the MAnga & Anime Works form here (http://www.mangatutorials.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?16-Manga-amp-Anime-Works)

as for art wize, in the middle right pannel, your mouth is a little high, making your chin look really big. Also your nose is missing the cartalidge part, that will lengthen the nose down as well as bringing the mouth down.

And the last part, your head should be a little more curvy to show the form of the face.

But other than that, it's great! you should upload it to the form with a few more pages. I want to read more to see if the story is good

AudriCantDance
12-28-2011, 04:17 PM
@ clockhand, thanks for the link, good insight... i have a long way to go :/ I cant put emphasis on which panels seem to be more important/exciting.
sorry for the 2 threads, is there anyone who can delete the last one thread for me?

@ maxx wellington I COMPLETELY OVERLOOKED the cartilage :@
im gonna gonna work on the side view of the face a bit more and see how it goes. the nose is really complicated to draw
Checking out Manga & Anime Works atm....
thanxthanx

Maxx_Wellington
12-28-2011, 04:47 PM
no prob. and the admin can always delete threads.

andrtaker
12-28-2011, 11:48 PM
that is so cool! do you need to pay to download MyPaint or is it free? also is it able to do gaussian blurs?

AudriCantDance
12-29-2011, 01:29 PM
that is so cool! do you need to pay to download MyPaint or is it free? also is it able to do gaussian blurs?

ITS COMPLETELY FREE, their webpage is at http://mypaint.intilinux.com/
you can import new types of brushes at http://wiki.mypaint.info/Brush_Packages lots of choices
yes, you can do gaussian blurs, but I prefer GIMP for that....

AudriCantDance
12-29-2011, 08:13 PM
http://th06.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2011/363/7/7/reedit_of_page_3_by_leonbasque-d4knced.jpg

page 3, gonna add page 2 tmmrw, i hope. need to add dialogue.
Any problems dont hesitate to tell me please~~

Maxx_Wellington
12-31-2011, 01:52 AM
First of all I am starting to wonder why you are putting your manga pages in this form. I am all for critiquing art, however if you are looking for storyboard advice, unfortunately, that domain belongs to our southern neighbours. (I already gave you a link) so could you tell us exactly why you are posting these in here? just to be on the same page so we can help you better?

As for your drawings, I see problems in facial anatomy that is quite common in students, so don't think bad about it. However, your main character has a jaw bone in every pose except the straight on view. Males have verry square cut jaws, so starting with a square and bringing it back could help, I did a quick redline of this.

<a href="http://s1136.photobucket.com/albums/n488/MaxxDesk/?action=view&amp;current=boy1.png" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1136.photobucket.com/albums/n488/MaxxDesk/boy1.png" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

Also I should mention that his nostrils are a little too pronounced, cutting back on the cartalage again. try flattening them so that the vertical distance is shorter

As for the girl, I see the same problem. Although softer, females also have jaws. How you have it makes it look like she doesn't have a jaw. curving the line out (as it is softer) will help here too. (again another redline.)

<a href="http://s1136.photobucket.com/albums/n488/MaxxDesk/?action=view&amp;current=girl1.png" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1136.photobucket.com/albums/n488/MaxxDesk/girl1.png" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

Third thing is the girl's clothing. it is very wrinkled for what I presume to be a sweatter. The thicker the fabric, the less wrinkles can be in them. By straightenning the lines, you will also help determin the femininity (as the body will be less busy at such a close shot of it.)

Also, there is a problem with the last panel, where the girl holds the kunai in her hand. If she wants to attack the boy, she is using a weak method. The weakest point in a fist is where the fingertips are. Keeping that in mind, you see that the kunai can easily turn towards her if hit with an impact. To strengthen her attack, close the ammount of space the fingertips occupy by having her hold it in a fist.

For referal to the last critique, you can always attack a teddy bear or shirt with a harmless butter knife without thinking. just pick the knife up and do it in one motion, as the girl is doing. Then stop before you hit your target and notice how your hand is placed. Most likely it's in a fist.


Hope that helps!

AudriCantDance
12-31-2011, 11:59 AM
in a fist huh... kay* gonna try attacking the wall with a utility knife* lets see what happens. Huh i didnt try making the jaw too strong for the guy , and it seems i havnt actually done much for the girl anyways either, lol. Im gonna reedit all these parts. I thought the girl's jaw was kinda soft anyhow, but i guess defining it a bit more won't hurt.
"The thicker the fabric, the less wrinkles can be in them" interesting theory, im gonna shade the sweater a little less.

Reediting the whole thing atm.
THANKS!

Gedeon
12-31-2011, 09:12 PM
Pretty much what Maxx already stated. Id just tell you to watch out for the "flow of the body". In that last panel her pose looks.......like she isn't moving towards the guy. I mean yeah you pretty much made it obvious that she is attacking him, but a more dynamic pose couldn't hurt.