PDA

View Full Version : Detailed Critiques Needed!Be as harsh as you can.



tag654
11-18-2011, 04:44 PM
Been drawing manga for a year now,slowly progressing,Little while ago I wanted to get started drawing an actual manga....


anyways,I need help with this picture I'm working on,

Link:
http://kingfromhatena.deviantart.com/art/WIP-HANAKO-PROJECT-COVER-269688273

I need a really detailed critique and if possible,Could someone please show me some correction using Microsoft paint,etc....I'm a visual learner XD


thanks that's all!!!!!


Go ahead and point out anything that could be better!!!

Maxx_Wellington
11-18-2011, 11:45 PM
Ok so first off, what you are asking for is called redlines here on manga tutorials.

however I am not at the right computer to do them but I will try to help you out. (in fact that computer is broken forever... funeral was last tuesday lol)

ok main guy (front, middle): the first thing I see is a broken wrist since his hand is palm flat to the camera. To fix this, neglect drawing the palm, like you did with the other thumbs up. Also, his sides need more curve. I am guessing you are going for a sort of fish eye effect, so I won't mention everyone's triangular bodies, but as for the torso of this guy, the arm is out there and looks off since his side is straight. his glasses are uneaven which is noticable since he is facing the fourth wall. his nose looks funny as the center section is missing. His right eyebrow isn't centered. the hand in his poket makes him look flat in stead of 3D since there are no dimentions. and his shoulders should be higher.

the guy on our right: his shoulders should be straight, not curved down like a woman's. his arms should flow from the body, not be attached to them. his forarm is inconsistant in thickness with the rest of his arm and his arm is too long. Also there are inconsistancies with his leg's thickness....

The girl on the left: her breasts aren't perky enough; they should be smaller and rounder. She has no stomach. her elbows are too high. her shoulders should be higher as her shirt looks like it's going to fall off. the legs aren't the same consistancy, and her nose looks like voldermort's nose.. or worse...

I am sorry if this sounds mean and I know this is a lot, but allow me to offer a few advice tricks to help you out:

1. start with the bridge (middle) part of the bottom of the nose. then build from there. With girls, they have commonly smaller noses than guys. Anime noses have a base like this < with a wider angle.

2. stand in a mirror and pose like your character. if you like to have a more lasting pic, set a camera with a time delay so that you can pose before it takes a picture. With this picture, you can even draw overtop after you lightly print the picture, to get a better concept of how it should turn out.

Devide your pictures into teers, by depth (thus: the three in front as one, the people behind them as two and so on) and draw one teer at a time. Then overlap the images and, using a window and clear tape or a lighttable and tape, retrace the finished picture.

3. focus on one person at a time. get them to where you want it, then move on. only change if you are getting artist's block.

Again, sorry for all the negativity but hopefully I helped. Your concept is top notch though.

tag654
11-18-2011, 11:59 PM
Cool thanks,Actually I was going for a upward view of the characters...that's probably why there was so much trouble....I was having trouble with that because it was my first time going aout this stuff,especially with the views/and the folds-creases thing...that's why the bodies look dis proportional...But Ill definitely fix them thanks to your reply!:D

corastaur
11-19-2011, 02:35 AM
wassup tag :) I really like the idea for the picture - especially that you're trying out stuff with perspectives! (I struggle with that...) When you say "upward view" are we looking down on them/them looking up at us? If so I think the main thing that is throwing off the perspective is their legs. I can't tell you exactly how to fix it since I dont have enough experience with it, but I would read up on some tutorials OR look at pictures that are taken from that perspective. (it looks to me like they need to be angled back more) I think you'd find it very helpful!

My other main deal is their bodies which I think maxx kind of already talked about. It looks to me that for the guy on the right at least, you were trying to make his clothes baggy. Is that true? I dont know if you do this, but I find it extremely helpful to draw out the poses without them wearing clothes first. This way I can make absolutely sure that all the proportions and details of the pose look right. Then I go in and basically dress them haha :)

aaaanyway, overall I like it (especially the dude's afro in the back! and the hairstyles in general...) Keep up the good work! :cat_yahoo:

tag654
11-19-2011, 04:30 PM
yeah,thanks....Im working on a better version correcting my mistakes now!

tag654
11-19-2011, 07:30 PM
http://kingfromhatena.deviantart.com/art/Hanako-Main-Characters-Collab-2-269895371


I re-worked it,though its not as bad as the other one,
I know the main problem is proportion...give me some guidance people :D


Also,redlines would be excellent XD

- TAG

Maxx_Wellington
11-20-2011, 12:00 AM
ok third time's a charm

For the first image, try not to use Naruto's version of a top view, especially on Gara. Since Naruto's creators use a lot of fish eye views to put that one person into focus compared to his surroundings.

As for the new image:

You have improved a lot.

however, I will start from right to left on the people, disregarding the three boys or so on the right as I can't see them well on this computer, although I believe Akumaru and Kiba are there, from Naruto....

the girl on the right: Tied for first with the girl on the left for best person on this picture. however her right leg and foot (our left) is smaller than the other. if this is your wish, the length should be perportionite.

the mini girl on the right: this is the same problems as the girl I mentionned in the last post ( I think it's the same girl too) so I won't remention about her body being squished and streatched funny.

the main guy: here is a picture of me <a href="http://s1136.photobucket.com/albums/n488/MaxxDesk/?action=view&amp;current=100_0746-1-1.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1136.photobucket.com/albums/n488/MaxxDesk/100_0746-1-1.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket" height="50&#37;" width="50%"></a> As you can see, my foreground hand is much bigger than normal, however it's perportionate to my head (or almost) as well as your guy's wrist is bent 90 degrees when a human wrist can bend a max of about 85 degrees. this would make the middle finger to the pinky at a slight angle. And again, his head is lopsided.

The girl sitting down: her legs are too tight into her body to support her weight. Sitting like that will curve the back as your hips are twisted. This will also create a weight behind you working with gravity. to counter this, the feet should be forward a bit, lowering the knees.

the afro guy's hand is a little too big. nice afro btw

the girl on the right is a little crooked, however I wonder if she is slapping her butt. if so, try it on yourself infront of a mirror to see how the arm bends. yours is sideways from the body, rather than behind.

I think that sums a quick review up... hope that helps

tag654
11-20-2011, 12:59 AM
Thanks.


btw - the girl with the dog on her head was not any reference to Naruto.XD



oh,and can you explain something that's been bugging me lately.....On the first one,If I was to ink it how would I do it....Like what would be best,making the folds and lights white on black,or black on white?

Maxx_Wellington
11-20-2011, 01:23 AM
I am not regarded for my inking skills however I think it would depend on if you have a dark jacket or a light jaket...

tag654
11-20-2011, 01:54 AM
oh...ok :D

NWAP
11-20-2011, 02:11 AM
@Maxx: on a side note to this thread I want to thank maxx for being an active participant In the crit corner. We need more people to crit consistently. while I appreciate this, I beseech you to learn how to properly crit. In most of your crits I can see that the concern and genuine interest to help is there, but what you actually say doesn't really hold volume, and can be very confusing. I think the main reason for this is because, when you make a statement, you never let the person know "WHY" you are saying it. this can cause people to take things the wrong way, maybe even taking offense, when no harm was intended. All in all, I beg everyone to take more time with your crits. Ask yourself,"is this clear?" "How will this help them?" "Why am I telling them this?""Do I have my facts straight???". There's nothing wrong with crit-ing based on your personal preference or opinion...but let them KNOW its your personal preference or opinion.


@tag654: There are many different styles of inking. for the most part Dark inking is based on shadow and lighting. A lot of artists use heavy inking(or white on black as you called it) to represent a darker feel for a picture, or rather less light. where as less ink or shades would make your picture look brighter. really its a matter of preference. I will note that dark inking, uses more ink and thus takes more time, but it can still be worth the result.

tag654
11-20-2011, 02:35 AM
ok...thanks NWAP!!!

Maxx_Wellington
11-21-2011, 01:05 PM
Thanks NWAP for your compliment. I believe I mentionned earlier that being taught art, I wasn't taught with coherant teachers, however I will try my hardest to explain everything in great detail (although it will take space on the screen)

@ tag: I was confused a bit on what you were meaning so allow me to explain what I said; Naruto is your avatar. and is inked. It's a good example of folds as the shipuden version you have would be inked black topped on a white jacket. So the shadow lines would alter acordingly. That's the most of myknowledge of the subject of inking.

tag654
11-21-2011, 02:42 PM
oh.well,thanks explaining that.
That kinda cleared my mind on that subject XD