Being a Pirate is Really Badass (Ugarit)

[Kodos]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=os5TXyJlEMc
Some sailors say that the seas are angry. In Tangaroa and the Dark Sea, the waters themselves have been tumultuous and dangerous - moreso than usual - and the horrors that dwell in those waters have, supposedly, become more numerous and more aggressive.
In the Golden Sea and the waters of civilized lands, sightings of the Abomination have been on the rise, although no one is still quite sure what, if anything, that ship - if ship she be - is.
The Merfolk and Locathah tell tales of war beneath the waves. A new mutant breed of Sahuagin more vicious, powerful, and horrifying than the normal ones and dedicated not to Sekolah (as if he was not a horrible enough deity) but instead to the Enemy himself.
And through it all the Pact has been cracking down on you and your way of life. Freebooters, privateers, pirates, adventurers-at-sea and more have found themselves targeted by that global superpower, meeting death at their hands or, if they are unlucky, imprisonment within dreaded Irkalla.

But who cares? The oceans are big, and there's still plenty of booty, adventure, wenches, ale, and fun to be had.

***

Latoti was one of many free ports in the Golden Sea that was at least as lawless as it was popular. In this island's pirate haven was a tavern. Well, okay, there were lots of taverns. Okay, fine it was basically just taverns, shops, and whorehouses.
Okay, yes, some of the taverns were whorehouses, but that's not really the important part.

What's important was that one such tavern, the Scurvy Dog, was where this story begins. Five relatively nameless sailors/pirates/peoplewhatgoonboats had gotten together to strike it out on their own, for glory and fame, ale and wenches, coin and cleavage.

And by all the gods and powers of the sea, something really stunk of fish. :(

***

The Scurvy Dog was even more crowded and rowdy tonight than it usually was - the whole island, in fact. Supposedly the (in/)famous Captain Criostoir Blackpool was either due in port tonight, or already somewhere on the island hurling about copious amounts of gold in exchange for copious amounts of sex, booze, and shiny things (which were probably made of gold themselves, so it kind of all came full circle when you think about it).

[Sylux]

"Alright, strangers! We don't really know each other, and that's okay! Names aren't really important, since we all have distinguishable characteristics that set ourselves apart from the next, so calling each other by description is okay in my book! Besides, I don't think we're the kind of folk to prioritize names over skill and position with faces. So first order of business: We must choose a captain! I say we go around the table and tell everyone else what makes us an apt candidate for captain, and then we vote. If all else fails, we can surely arrange a tournament of duels!" Lacia, a dainty, young, and kindly sorcerer charged, hoping to persuade the newly-scrounged together group in some sort of sure direction.

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"My name is pretty important and every idiot here better remember it. I'm Zach, and as for why I'd make a good captain, well, I'm good looking, smart, strong and a damn fine sailor. Basically everything a captain should be." Zach wasn't lying, he had probably the greatest moustache (http://i.imgur.com/R6olr.jpg) in the seven seas too. The man was tanned, with short blonde hair Bright blue eyes and rugged good looks.

[Regantor]

The clatter of a blade. The silver-haired ragdoll on the oppisate side of the table was banging it's cleaver down for attention.

"Naw! No votin'! No fightin'! It's an obvious that Jang is best." The person was a scraggily beige-skinned thing that had a had a gruff, raspy, totally obnoxious voice. For some reason, they were sitting on the face of a dolphin that was lodged under the table- No, scratch that, the person was a mermaid. "Can't see that, and you ain't proper good leader guy no how!"

Childhood notions crushed, you begin to hope for the simple condition that the lingering smell of fish you had suddenly become enraptured in wasn't coming from this 'Jang' personally...

They wore little other than a weird selection of belts holding a few khaki rags to their form, and their frilly tail was a pale glossy colour resembling grey sturgeons. If it was a girl-thing, they let a true moron cut their hair, and had failed to heal a clean dozen large scars about the body; Cumulating in a patched right eye and a large line transversing the bridge of the nose. There were definately muscles in the shoulders despite this delapidated state, so it was hard to tell exactly what they were supposed to do for a living.

[Evil_Cake]

Next to the (maybe?) stinky mermaid sat another woman, except this one had legs. At the moment she was involved in finishing off a mug of mysterious alcohol. Then, after she drank the last drops, she turned her head to the Jang creature and let out a loud belch. "Don't tell me we're going to vote about whether we should vote or not..." A few strands of hair got in her face, and she jerked her head to toss them back to the side. "Now Zachy, you seem alright but I've got a couple things you don't." Although it was obvious what she meant, the girl pointed out the two bouncy globes on her chest. "Plus, with me as Captain I can assure you all, we won't just get filthy stinking rich, but we'll also have some filthy stinking fun!"

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"And I've got a couple things you ain't got missy" Zach jumped up on the table, walked over to the legged woman and honked his balls.
"A ship with Captain Zach is a non stop party, wench."

[Regantor]

"That's a shit fram'a bull!" Jang surged upright, coiling upwards with 'er tail, then grabbing the skirt-wrapping thing covering her modesty. "I get have pants also!"

You had to wonder; When she still had two eyes, did they face in oppisate directions, or what?...

[Sylux]

"I suppose it's my turn... Well, withstanding the current arguments, I would otherwise promise favors of sexual sorts, but seeing as there's a woman in the crew I hardly think I'd ever stand any competition over her in the men," said the sorcerer. "I suppose I'm more of a support role, anyway. Perhaps leader-like socially, but not combat-wise. I give in!"

[Evil_Cake]

"I call myself Amanda Rogue, by the way!" The now named woman blurted out. "And I can promise you... everyone in my crew would get pants if they so wished!" She looked slyly over at Jang.

[Regantor]

"So you votan foer me, right-on?" Jang clattered across the table, through mostly just knocking the sorcerer and her own drink's to the floor. "You insult other girlthing, so must be correct."

She smiled like a shark whilst forcing herself into a seat next to him, roughly grabbing his upper arm and nudging the side of his face with her forehead.

An (imagined) vote was worth more than pants, apparently?...

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"Why would he be voting for you? You can't even talk properly." Zach jumped down next to the guy and patted (smacked) his back
"Your voting for Captain Zach aren't ya boy!"

[Sylux]

"Er... Probably!" said Lacia as he unintentionally sloshed his drink around after he caught it. 'I'm going to need this by the end of the day...' He thought as he took a large swig.

[Regantor]

Jang muscled into Zach's face, forehead-to-forehead. Her body language spoke of all kinds of weird protective urges. "He vote Jang, hear? Dontsen't matter not talk correct if body have better smarts, and no squishy land man an't gonna stop awesome merbarbarian, hear?"

Her left arm was still grasping Lacia's shoulder in a rather too freindly manner, but her right was making little arcs with her cleaver already.

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"He voted Zach." Zach grabbed his cutlass and pushed his head against Jangs.
"He can tell that I am the smartest here, you probably can't even read."

[Sylux]

"I think you're both excellent candidates! I would prefer it if both of you could be captain, but I'm fine with one or the either," said Lacia in an energetic tone, meant to quarrel the two and settle down the tensions.

[Evil_Cake]

Amanda meant to do the opposite. She clapped her hands in excitement. "Yes! Be sure to cut off those "balls" he claims to have! Do that and you can be my First Mate Fishy!"

[Regantor]

"Yeah! Yeah! I'm gonna cuts off all of them there balls and be better, you'll see you will..." Jang continued shoving forward with her head, now thrashing her tail rather much and nearly knocking the tabletop from the bolted-down base. Lacia got a face full of ripe fin. "I'mma best killar, you is hear? Fancy wench say I first freind best person! I can read you is gonna not be captain, hear?"

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"No she think's she is going to be captain" Zach shifted his head to the side, hoping Jang would fly forwards.
"Tell you what, Jang, Vote for me to be captain and I will let you be in charge of the ships booze."

[Regantor]

Being both highly intoxicated and supported basically by her elongated spine, Jang did sorta lunge forward; But stopped herself by grabbing onto Zach's meaty chest. She turned it into a chesty-shove, before pausing and sort of wibbling on the spot, considering his offer carefully.

"... In charge of all ship booze... Booze of all ships..." She spoke with a surprisingly quiet tone. All puns aside, it was plain to see that she had been drinking like a fish for most of the week. "All ship encountered booze is mine?... I thinky... I thinky good deal, hear?..."

There was a little glint in her crimson eye, like she'd gotten the upper hand somehow. I'll controlish them by controlish booze. Them is an unsmart ones...

[Kodos]

With a loud laughing cry of "Degenerates!" the door to the tavern was violently kicked in as a man you assumed was Criostoir Blackpool based on the number of half-dressed men and women draped off him stumbled in, along with a retinue of other wenches, guards, and hanger-ons.

He was quite good looking, young, had his black hair swept back somewhat, and managed to even look loud. He wore a rather tight sleeveless shirt and pants, with a somewhat heavy fur coat hanging off his shoulders. And lots of jewelry. It seemed he wore more gold about his person than some ships had their holds. Also he had more people hanging off him than some shitty ships, in fairness.

He proceeded to half-stomp half-stumble his way across the tavern, shooting flirtations towards some people, and criticisms towards others. Your own table was no exception.
To Lacia: "Hey handsome. I'm rich. Your friends here are losers. 'Cept the chick. She's pretty cool."
To Amanda: "Hey gorgeous. I'm rich and I have a big boat. That's a double entendre, in case you're stupid. I was referring to my penis. But I do have a large boat, several in fact!"
To Jang: "You smell. You might want to do something about. Just some friendly advice. You can pay me later."

He proceeded to sit himself down at the tavern. "What's your most expensive drink? Don't care, I want five!"
The only person in his entire swarm of followers who seemed to be sober, or at least mostly sober, was a strikingly gorgeous woman who, judging by her features and darkish skin tone, was probably from the Six Kingdoms. The size of her clothing seemed directly inverse to the size of her tracts of land, but somehow you got the idea hitting on the possible girlfriend of a badass pirate known for doing horrible things for people who he suspects stole from him was a bad idea.

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

The hairy, ape-like creature whos face was firmly planted into the splintered table, sturred at the sound of raised voices. His thoughts were a trickle of sense weaved between a bombardment of numbed, drunken bullshit. Ale had always been good to Groh, but the ale in this place was too flat and watered down. After seventeen, they had finally done the trick and after a few hours he regained enough conciousness to take in the world around him and found he was sitting at a table with four others who were arguing about being catpain. He could almost remember why, but a barricade of liquir blocked his thought process. Fuck it.

As he lifted his head with his forearm he smelt the four day old vomit that had now been ingrained in the dark fur that covered his body. He through his head back to get a view of the people around the table but could only make out blurs and colours. Fuck it.

'You know what you people need is a Captian with bollocks!' he yelled, before taking another swig of warm, watered down ale. 'A captian with bollocks so big you could choke a whale with only one.' On the belt around his waist was a pouch of tabacco, inside which were several dried out leaves. He grabbed one and began to roll a bad impression of a cigarette as he spoke. 'I've sailed on many ships since I was only a lad. Since a time when my bollocks were only pebbles, sure. By fuck, you should see them now.' He took a match from another pouch, struck it on the table and held it too the end of his make shift cigarette, not really caring weather anyone was listening to him or not. 'But those captains were afraid of the seas. Do ya hear me talking!? A fucking Captian afriad of the bastard sea he is sailing on! Oceans left unseen. Treasures left unlifted. Virgins left unenlightened. All because they had no bollocks.' He took a long drag and exhaled it in the face of someone nearby. 'Well fuck that game! My bollocks are ready to scurge the seas for it all! All booze included.'

The hadozee seemed to find this very funny and held back the vomit in his throat as he laughed.

[Regantor]

"Smell'a what? Smell'a delicious? Smell of tasty, tasty fishes?" The first bit was completely straight faced, but it degenerated into a sputter of childish laughter when she realised her words rhymed. Probally a good thing, seeing as she was not above starting a fight with the infamous, rather imposing man. "...What... do better?..."

Sort of forgetting what she was doing, the merbarbarian hung onto Zach's chest rather closely now. Fishy thing had zero sence of personal space, but at least she was now distracted by Blackpool and thus not making any more advances.

Then... Then came the hadozee... web-armed... chimp thing. Her eye luridly questioned his existance, whilst the upper rearmost fin of her tail sort of nudged against his furry forearm uselessly.

"...He's... What?... Buy me a booze, some one, I... I can't think... hairy?..."

[Sylux]

'Scary...' Thought Lacia... "Back to business: You know, merbarbarian, being in charge of the booze means you can do whatever you want with the booze, whenever you want."

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"You and you're bollocks should be comedians" Zach Figured he had won over enough votes to be captain, so didn't bother trying to convince the new guy.
"So are we going to vote for real now or what?"

[Evil_Cake]

As Blackpool walked passed, Amanda twisted around in her chair to yell after him. "I wouldn't mind seeing those boats of yours!" Her eyes were shining with joy for having the chance to not only see, but to get talked at by such an infamous pirate. She stared off into the crowd his entourage formed, with thoughts of gaining such infamy for herself someday soon.

When she turned back to the table, a giant gorilla was up and talking. "WHA-?! Err..." It took some self control to calm herself down in order to look more dignified.

"Anyways... if this fish gets control of our booze, we're not going to have any left after the first hour at sea..."

[Sylux]

"I suppose that would be best, but you must understand that I don't wish to inhibit a certain one's sensibility from happiness. Since I trust the endless booze will be quite appealing to the merperson, and I've become so captivated (read: forced) into thinking this person the best, my vote is on Zach," balloted Lacia.

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

The fin of the half-fish slapped into his forearm, the odour of the residue left behind met Grohs nostrils, recoiling them in horror. 'By fuck, my fishy friend, you smell like my sisters pussy!' He let out another wail of laughter, this one much more high pitched than the last. He clearly thought this was a good one.

After he controlled himself he added 'But use better not be letting a anyone in charge of the booze. Booze is for all. What kind of shite-headed captain would suggest such a thing?'

[Evil_Cake]

Amanda lit up at the ape's words. "Yeah! This guy has a good head on his shoulders! This... umm.. what are you exactly? Other than big and strong..."

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

'I'm a hadozee, young lady. We fight, we fish and we fuck. My name is Groh'

He smiled and took a large drag on his cigarette and blew it in the middle of the table.

'At your service, my dear.'

[Regantor]

"Y-....Y-Yeah!" It took serious effort on her part to tear her eye away from the awakened gorrila-thing, but once she did, Jang ethusasically jaunted her body onto Lacia's lap with ease. Totally curling her arms around his head in a motion that was probally supposed to be a hug, she just smilled and nodded repeatedly. "Zach is captain and Jang control all I drink, yeah! That's how it goes!"

"First freind would let drink, so woman not a first freind, no, a liar!" She said everything like it was a pearl of wisdom, sticking her nose up. The pussy thing she didn't understand, and the fish thing she already seen as a positive, so.... Negotiation time? "Listen, Orangulation Grouhe.... I share booze nicely for nicely person, not a worry. Good time always with someone who enjoy likour. I drink too much, and you steal away, see? Zachy should be a captain, he has a face fur also, hear?..."

[Sylux]

"Er... Right! You'll drink less to make sure we don't take more than we deserve, is that what you're saying?" Lacia hesitantly replied. He was sincerely hoping he had understood that quite right.

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

The hadozee regretted not waking up earlier as to having a more productive input into this discussion of who would be captain, but in truth he didnt care that much. He just wanted to get out to sea and explore. He lived for that shit.

In a moment of forgetfulness, he checked behind him just the ensure that his bow and quiver was still strapped to his back. When he was satisfied that they were, he answered the merperson in a somewhat mocking, ironic impersonation.

'If you share drink-drink with fur face, fur face like you. If you don't, fur face fuck you with arrow. Otherwise, fishy and fur face be friends.' He winked and laughed at this.

He then turned to Zach, who Groh decided upon first sight that he didnt like. He wasnt entirely sure why, just something in his demeanor and pattern of speech that annoyed him. 'And if you do not show that you have bollocks unlike the other captains...' He finished his cigarette and flicked it across the bar. 'Same thing.'

He laughed again, but only to himself.

[Evil_Cake]

"Uhg hes got the retard and mermaid vote..." Amanda grabbed another drink and took some glugs.

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"Listen listen Listen" Zach said whilst banging the table.
"I vote for myself, I have three votes and am now captain." he now had a triumphant grin on his face.
"Now, Groh, you seem like a pretty cool guy, so you can be first mate. All we need now is put our money together and get sailing!"


Kodos Note
To those of you who already bought crap and did their sheets - you know how much money you have left. To those who either have not done their sheets or have not yet bought items: you have 23,500 starting gold. The Captain will use this money to buy a boat, to buy shit for the boat like weapons, to hire crew to work on the boat and shoot weapons pew pew and shit, and to buy supplies for the boat so you do not starve or, worse, go sober. It's up to each of you to decide how much money you want to throw Fail's way. Obviously the more the better.

[Regantor]

"Yeah! Yeah! You won't get more than your serve, that's good!" Jang looked at Lacia like it was his own idea. She further stunk up his hair by ruffling it around in her hands excitedly. Probally a good thing that she was holding the cleaver underslung rather than forwards, through.

The smile dissapeared and was replaced with a squint whilst she listened to what Groh had to say. The scraggily thing wasn't quite sure if she was being patronised, or if it was intentionally trying to confuse her. Her limbs further compressed around Lacia in aggitation. He sayin'a... make nasty with bowshot? "Grizzly fuck?" The last bit got whispered out loud on it's own, just enough to show up the fact she was still confused.

Still unsure, she just drunk most of Lacia's remaining grog before settling down a little more and overting her vision. "Otherwise... wise-smart?... He's..."

[Sylux]

"M-my drink...!" Lacia mumbled in despairing surprise. "Excuse me, Jang, but may I get up for a moment? I need to use the restroom and visit the counter."

[Regantor]

Jang didn't really seem to hear Lacia, but eventually let go anyway, placing her elbows on the table and staring into it as if in (comparatively) deep thought. The gears continued to whir along to no effect, alowing the socererer plenty of time to scooch out from the bench below her.

A yawn, followed by a bumbling glance over to Zach.

"Honeycanyagetmea... pick-me-up?..." She lazily gestured towards a large threaded sack laying behind where she was seated earlier. Inside, a mass of gold coins, probally about 16,000 to your best estimate. How much did she want you to take? Who knows. The mushy-brained ragdoll fish was already asleep with her head against the table.

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

A sobering thought hit Groh like a bucket of water in the face. 'Shit, I'm gonna have to pay for stuff.'

Naturally, he would of had nothing to do with actually using his hard stolen money to pay for a ship, but when told he would be first mate of this vessal the thought became a little sweeter in his mind. Nonetheless, he wasn't prepared to give a majority share.

He heard a whisper coming from the merperson direction, but couldnt make it out in his drunken state. He then threw down a bag of gold coins worth exactly 10,000 and said to Zach with a grin 'I prefer whiskey over rum...and blondes over brunettes.' He cackled as he finished his shitty ale.

[Evil_Cake]

"Welp, I guess the Captain and his First Mate can decide what to do with this." Amanda stood up, and took a decently sized sack weighed down with coins (7,000) out of her jacket. She jingled it then tossed it at Zach's lap. "Buy something nice so we don't all die, please." As she away from the table she made many exaggerated bows towards Zach.

Then she headed towards Blackpool's group and said rather loudly, "Now theres a Captain I'd take orders from!"

[Sylux]

"I need to use the restroom now, please excuse me. Afterwards, I'll buy everyone another round of drinks," Lacia offered generously. The restroom break was fantastic, and the water he washed his hands with was nice and steamy warm. He went to the counter and rang up four drinks; one for all excluding the passed out merbarbarian. He brought the grog back, 2 in each hand, and distributed them. "Enjoy!" he sang. "Oh, and Captain Zach..."

Lacia hands Zach a pre-apportioned sack of 11,000 gold due to the captain's cash pool.

[Kodos]

And so Captain Zach stumbled off into the docks of Latoti in search of a ship for sale. It was a difficult choice (the Deathtrap and Arr, this bitch will never float were both very reasonably priced) but in the end he decided upon a heavy caravel, the Nave del Partido. Armed with 12 ballistae and 2 catapults, she should do nicely - for now anyway.

With a ship to his name, he set off to Latoti's many taverns )and whorehouses) get the rest of the crew.
The cook, Dave Taylor, seemed good enough. He was a handsome blonde guy Zach was reccomended. Apparently he was out of work because he slept with the tavern owner's wife. By all accounts his reputation as a chef was almost as big as his reputation as a womanizer, so assuming that none of the ladies on board killed him, he should do nicely.
The musician, Annah, was a dancing girl and guitarist who apparently worked at a few taverns - for hire. She was gorgeous and dark skinned, apparently from the Six Kingdoms, and seemed friendly enough. She was gorgeous, and she had a great voice, and while he didn't hear her play or see her dance, he imagined - and heard from others - she was great at both. She made it clear that she wasn't a hooker, though, and that if she slept around it would be because she wanted to, not because she was offered money, and that if she felt mistreated she'd quit and/or kill you.
The doctor, one Sherman Rhodes, was described as "a right bastard" and "surly" and "insufferable" and "an asshole with no respect for authority." He was, however, also described as "a great doctor." "A healer above all else." And as someone who "knows his shit." Zach took the 63 year old man's abrasive grunt as a "yes I'll join."
Anna Marie, one of the warriors who signed up, was a curvy woman with an eyepatch and a cutlass. Really nice lips on her too. She seemed pretty flirty. Nina, the second warrior to join up, dual wielded crossbows and wasn't as pretty - or flirty - as Anna (or Annah) but at laest she didn't smell like Jang. The next warrior referred to himself - and was referred to by others - only as Pirate Steve. He added "yar" and "arr" and "aye" to every sentence and wielded a cutlass. Tom Bonne was kind of a thin and sickly looking guy, but according to everyone he was very good with his crossbow. You don't need to be that strong to aim good, I guess.
Zach also hired 34 other crewman to work the ship, but they weren't particularly memorable to him.

He bought 144 bolts for the ships ballistae, and an amazing quality lock for the ship's hold. All that was left for him was to set up the loot sharing policy, figure out what to do with his boat, and buy enough food for that trip.

***

"Darling," Blackpool started, "as much as I appreciate the cleavage - and I do - you ought to show more. Or get bigger breasts. Or both. Or better yet, wear no clothes. And in a most fortuitous turn of events, I do believe my cabin currently has a dazzling away of no clothes, isn't that right first mate?!"
The dark skinned woman's lips curled into an amused smirk. "That's right, captain."
"Damn straight it is!" He proceeded to smash his mug on the floor. "Barkeep, what was that? No - I know that was a mug, you shithead, I'm not that drunk yet, unfortunately. I meant the thing in the drink! Don't care, I'll have another. What? Nonsense! I have not yet begun to debase myself!"

His entourage erupted into laughter.

[Evil_Cake]

Amanda joined in with the laughter. "Hahaha! You guys seem like a lot of fun.. Mind if I hang around? With this new crew I joined up with, I might be dead in a few days. It'd be good to party real hard before then!"

[Regantor]

When Blackpool smashed the glass, a red eye stirred. Jang reared up slowly in a lingering daze, sloppily brushing away a few pieces of beef jerky that had become embedded in her face. She remained relatively silent in this state of stupor, examining the others again, and struggling to recollect the exact details of the pact she had just entered into... The only thing that apparently deserved a grunt of disapproval was that somebody had gotten a round in without her.

A growing surge of energy, starting in her chest, exiting her mouth as a weird elongated yawn-screech. Fighting the sleep like a dire foe, she raised her hands up in the air, them slammed them down on the table using all the strength from her shoulders. "...You bun'cha... fuckin'... dry-ass monkey land scab eating bastard sluts!"

For an added moment, she just sat, stared straight ahead in a fit of rage, gritting her teeth...

...Then, it passed like a wave, and she placidly made her way to the bar with a tired, whimsical expression plastered all over her docile face.

"Gimme... Gimme somethin' with ya hops, ya hear barkeep? An' a few oh rose bucket fish with the red fins. Yeah, hear? Yesh. Ha. Monies, here!"

[Sylux]

Feeling a bit uncomfortable, Lacia slithered his way to the edge of the bench and tried his hand at weaseling through Blackpool's posse and himself.

[Kodos]

Blackpool seemed to ignore Lacia and Amanda for the most part, more interested in his posse and literally drinking until he passed out and was carried off by his first mate with help from one of his crew who appeared to be a Tiefling.

***

The next day the crew gathered at the docks where Captain Zach and the Nave del Partido waited. Most of the male crew seemed to be more interested in Annah rather than the boat, though.

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

Groh awoke from a mid morning, trying-to-sleep-off-my-hangover nap, which failed miserable. He looked down and noticed next to him was a pool of his own vomit that seemed to resemble a flower. He found this very funny. After half a minute he forgot what he was laughing about and started to take in the docks which surrounded him, but his vision was still just as blurry as it was the night before. He realised he was leaning against a barrel which seemed to have a splinter in its centre that stuck into his lower back, piercing him through his thick fur. He was aware of it, yet couldn't feel it. Strange. A cold feeling spread through his stomach and the blood vessels behind his eyes felt like that were expanding.

'Fucking shit ale'

He contemplated standing up, but once he realised that moving was to much effort, he stayed where he was, drifting in and out of conciousness, quite blissfully.

[Evil_Cake]

When she saw Nave del Partido, a huge smile spread across Amanda's face. "Hee hee..." She laughed to herself while imagining all the adventures they might have. Of course the thought of endless fortunes to be taken probably caused the giddiness also. Then she saw Captain Zach and any sign of happiness left her face. "Impressive, Captain... The boat actually floats!"

Whether Captain Zach ignored the remark or his attention was just focused elsewhere could be debated.

[Regantor]

The lovely smell of fish heads and alcohol proceeded the appearance of Jang, who was wrangling her way up from the water before the most part of the group had even got there. The pier was suspended pretty high off the seafoam, but the slippery wench seemed to make quick work of it even in her permanently inebriated state. In short, the demented thing moved like a slug or snake, but was actually rather good at it.

Not much feeling like standing upright, however, she just sort of rolled onto her back upon the decking and lazily sent an eye towards the human's freaky (to her) bottom hands.

"We really gotta blow our monies on this, huh?" This notion wasn't because the hulk was a run down shambles, but rather because the idea of using a boat at all seemed kinda impractical and hedonistic to her. Like insisting you toboggan everywhere when you want to climb up a mountain. "You losers an't never gonna swim proper if you dun' gettin' your leg feets wet..."

[Sylux]

"We all look fantastic, don't we!" exclaimed Lacia jokingly. They all looked horrid, and smelled rottenly as well. It was a truly beautiful sight, despite all this, what with a ship to voyage on and hands to man it. Many exhilarating adventures were to be had, and some very long and cheerful nights of warm partying. Lacia could hardly hold in his excitement, and nearly squealed of joy and excited anticipation. It was really great!

[Evil_Cake]

Captain Zach trod over to where Groh lay, then shoved the hadozee with his boot. "My First Mate can't be sleeping all day. Its time for us to ship out!" He spun around to face the majority of his crew. "You hear that ya scallywags? Get on board, and don't forget anything important, because we're not returning until we're a few thousand gold richer!"

Some crewmen were already onboard getting the ship ready to leave, and Zach marched up the gangplank to join them. Then he looked down on the pier and spoke, "If you've got any questions before we leave, now would be the time to ask them."

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

Captains Zachs boot sent Groh to the decking, but only just woke him up. He heard the Captain mention something about leaving. This sent some adrenaline through his viens, evaporating the 8 hour old liqiur in his blood and giving him the empathasis to stand up. Just then he thought of a witty and hilarious insult to say to the Captian, who he decided he hadn't liked from the start, but this thought vanished just as soon as it had appeared. Wabbling slightly, he could make out much clearer the crew around him, some of whom were already on board and others were loading the last remains of the cargo onto the deck.

He heard the Captain say something about questions. Groh couldnt think of any. He couldn't think of anything that he could transmute into words. He waited till the large plank connecting the quayside to the deck was clear, then he slowly accended the splintered plank till he stepped foot on the deck of the Nave del Partido and took in a deep breath of the fresh sea air, that lingered of seaweed, and released it with a little smile to himself. For the first time in ages, Groh felt at home.

[Regantor]

Jang found it troublesome to make her way up the plank; Her propulsion was based on twisting around alot, which was not a brilliant idea on a tiny peice of wood. Once actually on the ship, however, her body seemed to float independently from the gentle swaying of the deck, not unlike a spirit level.

What did she spend this inate talent on? Staring at the side of Groh's head with her jaw hanging dopely ajar. Her eye squinted, perhaps trying to consider what was facinating the ape so much, or perhaps simply trying to figure out what exactly the gorrila-thing was again.

"...Geeze, it's just a big floatin' box..." A raspy whisper. "Looks like he's gonna fool with 'imself..."

[Kodos]

"Thank you, loves." A sultry voice called out to two male pirates who were carrying a locked chest. It was Annah, who proceeded to slink up by Jang. "Hey, you. I'm Annah, your captain hired me to dance and play guitar for your poor lonely male crewmates. Can you play the guitar? I mean, I can dance just fine without it, but it helps. I'd ask one of the other ladies, but they don't look the type, and I knew a merlady back at Latoti who told me it was a cultural thing for a lot of you. And I'd ask the male crew but you know they'll be too busy staring at my - oh gods what the fuck is that smell?"

Annah, Jang. Jang, Annah. Annah, Jang's stink.

Most of the crew was busy settling in or carrying supplies to the boat or staring at Annah or trying to figure out why the boat smelled more strongly of fish than the sea did.

[Regantor]

A lady human thing with big chest junks. Supposed to be attractive or something? Why was she talking to Jang? This kind of thing generally did not happen.

"Hell yeah, I can play guitur! It total goes better under the wets and everyone with a two inch tail knows tha' mers-" The eel wench began talking before Annah had even finished, sort of going with the flow and just making chatty noises in an effort to make quick freinds. Probally worth noting that she also had no idea if this 'guitar' was animal, mineral or vegitable. "-I know, it's it great! I eated them fishes and now I smells of the fishes so now the fishes can't smell if I'm eating!-" A big smile came with the mention of the smell, along with the mandatory confusing hand gestures.

"-Hey waitaminude, you look like you gots a load coins and shinies!" Jang continued without breaking the sentence, now eyeing up Annah's considerable ammount of gold jewelry. "Why you talk to Jang? Wha' Jang have girl want? Not that I think of steal coins, but if you talk to awesome pirate like Jang you gotta see a little somethin' coming an-!"

It took her being fully awake for it to be obvious, but damn did Jang had gigantic lungs...

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

Groh felt the presence of the merthing next to him, and heard it whisper something.

'D-did ya...fuck...say something?'

He managed to grumble, probably no more audible than the merlady was in the first place. Before he could fully make sense of the situation, a fine specimen of a human female came over and started talking to to the merlady. Groh could not take his eyes off her breasts, and instantly had a bad flashback to the last human he had had sex with. It must of taken him five minutes to find her cunt under all those folds. Fat women were fun for a drunken nights last resort, but a women like this was something to be desired.

Even if he could muster the energy to talk to her, he probably wouldn't had done so. It was far easier to stand a stare at her chest.

'I'd eat my dinner out of them titties if it weren't for the fact that-'

His thoughts broke off and were replaced by a humorous thought that he couldnt stop laughing out loud at.

[Kodos]

Annah had a hand over her mouth and nose now. She lapsed into Aquan, her Aquan was terrible, but she still sounded sexy. "Is better this? You Common bad speak? Me Aquan not good, but hope good enough. Fish smell bad humans not like. Name yours what? Really twangymusicmakerthing you good play?"

[Sylux]

"What's so funny here, huh?" Lacks asked cheerily. He was obviously excited to be there, and was wasting no time at being friendly to the crew (after all, they would probably eventually end up looking for mysterious treasures and encountering dangerous, exotic, and completely lethal creatures together. Why not actuay want to save each others arses?

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

Groh heard the human sorcorer question what he was laughing at, which he answered without breaking eye contact with the attarctive womens breasts.

'Jus rememberin when I gave the high hard tongue to a gurl when her lower deck was running red...Fuck me...a night that lives long in the memory...'

And he started laughing again.

[Regantor]

Jang just gave Annah the same gormless squint she had been giving Groh moments earlier. She wasn't still drunk, was she? Perhaps the lady was on mad drugs herself? Why did this gibberish sound familiar?

"Speak... merperson... you? Not speak grandiose merperson me. Jang speak Jang, hear?" She moved her hands in a way that made even less sence, a bit like miming the heads of two birds. Her expression actually looked a little horrified, like someone was trying to fool with her mind somehow. Tap into memories that she hadn't realised she remembers. "You don' look like a brown-ish merperson with legs... Brownish only human, I thinking... Why... Why speak this?..."

[Sylux]

"She was that pissy and you still managed to charm her, huh? You're a real ladykiller!" complimented Lacia. He didn't really know how sex or things of the like go, so he just assumed that women are more reluctant to consent during the time spot, hoping that he was either right or the grizzly guy was too hung over to care he was wrong.

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

Groh stood in silence for a moment after hearing the sorocers reply, then burst out laughing again, slapping his knee and nearly falling over in the process. After composing himself a little, he pointed at the human.

'I like you, wee man. I dunno why, but theres jus something in your voice.'

Groh looked around to noticed that one of the main masts of the ship was only a few feet away from where he, the sorcerer, the merlady and the big titted human were, so he stumbled over to it, slammed his back against it and slid down the wooden pole till his arse reached the deck, secure in the knowledge that if that fucking Captian kicked him again he would bite his foot off.

[Evil_Cake]

Nearly the last to board, Amanda found herself among a small crowd of people on deck. She weaved her way through the crowd, towards the Captain. Along the way she shoved Lacia and a nameless crewmember who was standing kinda close to the sorcerer out of the way. She added " 'Scuse me" a little too late.

When she reached Zach, Amanda tossed her bag of possessions over her shoulder and asked, "I get my own room, right?" It sounded kind of threatening.

The Captain turned his head to her, "Yeah. I thought it only fair since you pitched in the least money that you get the smallest room, though. The one thats closet-sized is yours." He almost added 'wench' but decided the sentence was mean enough already. He went back to making sure the crew got the ship in sailing order, and Amanda walked below deck.

However, instead of taking her almostclosetsized cabin, she started unpacking in one of the larger ones.

[Sylux]

As Groh slumped against the pole, Amanda shoved her way through the cramped clump of crewman, bumping into Lacia. He of course thought nothing badly of it, she appeared asphyxiated somewhere ahead. He couldn't guess where she was off to at a glance, so he walked to the edge of the boat and stared into the water. "Yes!" he exclaimed as he threw his hands into the air. It was all sinking in even further, and he just couldn't wait to get going!

[Kodos]

Annah rolled her eyes, hand still over her nose and mouth. "I picked it up. A bit of it, anyway. Plus I knew a Merperson or two. Back home. I'd rather not talk about it."

"You-you can really play?" Her eyes looked a bit hopeful. "I'm not letting you touch my guitar until you clean up though, honey. You stink of fish."

[Regantor]

"...Can I play... what?" Jang was having trouble keeping tabs on the conversation now that she was stuck considering what kind of bizarre crossbreed the woman must be to speak like a merbloke. The scared expression continued. "You're pickin' up merpeople?.. Why?... Formin' a show? You can't pick me up for dur show, that would be bad, hear?... Jang is... Jang is so greatness others... be proper jealous, yeah, hear?"

Oh, man, what if this expensive-junky woman was a carnival runner? She had the monies and the lookies. Did she want to catch Jang in her sleep and make her perform weird stuff on stages?

"D-don't be cleaning Jang up!" Jang's expression intensified, hairs standing on end. Backing off rapidly, the fish lady jutted a finger forward as a warning whilst trying to find something to hide behind. "I'm not perform!... You pick up Jang and Jang will hurt lady, hear?... Hurt lady proper proper bad!"

[Kodos]

Annah blinked a few times before laughing and walking off.

"What's with the Merlady?" Annah asked, giving Groh a nudge. "I mean, obviously she's fucked in the head, but why's she fucked? And my face is up here."

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

'...And my face is up here.' Annah said.

Groh was too hung over to care. But he soon realised if he was gonna have any chance of riding this girl then he'd atleast have to pretend to be civil. He looked her in the eyes and smiled.

'I dunno whats up with her. Most merfolk that I've met are pretty sharp, ya know. Seems this ones had an accident or had some mangy fish dick whos spunk rotted her brains. She's alright though from what I can remember.'

Groh then broke eye contact with Annah and started to rub his head with his palm, subtlely looking at her breasts peridoically, resisting the urge to bury his face in between them.

[Sylux]

A friend of a friend is a friend, indeed. Seeing an unfamiliar face talking to Groh made Lacia curious and made him want to get to know them better (before they spent some sorts of years possibly on a vessel with each other), so he waltzed his way over to her with purpose, making sure she saw him as he came to engage her.

"Hi, there!" Lacia beamed, with glee. "I don't think we've made each others acquaintance quite yet, now, have we?" Lacia held out his hand. "I'm the sorcerer Lacia. Who might you then be?"

[Kodos]

"She says she can play the guitar, so there's that." Annah shrugged. "You might want to keep an eye on her. She might stab someone." Annah gave a playfully cruel little wink and smile. "And sorry, love, but I don't do Hadozee. Humans mostly, sometimes mermen. You seem alright enough, though. If I ever change my mind, or get smashed out of it, I'll let you know." She gave Groh a tap on the chest before turning to Lacia.

"Aren't we eager? I'm Annah. Cap'n Zach hired me to dance, strip, play guitar and generally tease you, I guess." She laughed before taking his hand with exaggerated class. "Oh, and such a gentleman!" She laughed.

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

'Fucking cock tease' Groh thought while he rubbed away the remains of his headache with his lower palm. 'Ah, well, better feed her some whiskey later on' He laughed to himself silently 'Hope I dont make her bleed.'

He collapsed against the mast pole behind him and slid down it once again. He could sense his hangover would be gone soon. Just give it an hour or so.

[Sylux]

"Can't ask for a more interesting job with steady pay, I say!" said Lacia in reply. "You're a guitarist, are you? I've tried my hand at it personally, though it never really came easily, so I didn't get quite far... Well, I foresee many good times to be shared amongst the men - and, hell, maybe some of the women! - with a beautiful talented madame such as yourself on board." Lacia smiled and tilted his head to the side as he did so, a release of some of his cheerful energy in expressive movement.

[Superdooperphailmachine]

Zach made his way to the ships helm,
"Listen up crew!" He yelled over the nattering seamen.
"We are headed for a poorly guarded merchant ship, apparently their escort was eaten by some kind of sea monster and only a few on board survived. It may easy money but I want everyone to get used to The Nave del Partido before we go robbing huge fleets.
I assume you all know your jobs so I suggest you get started on them."

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

It had only been a few minutes between Groh sitting down to sleep and the Captian yelling about what the plan was. It sounded good to him, but Groh had no idea what a first mate was supposed to do as the ship was about to embark. This didn't bother him too much, being as fucked up as he was at the moment, so he just stood up and leaned against the mast, waiting for a moment of inspiration to come to him, hoping he looked like he knew what he was doing.

[Kodos]

After a uneventful five day journey (made more enjoyable for the presence of Annah and her music, among other charms, and by the fact that the cook apparently wasn't secretly substituting long pork for pork and seemed to understand that cooking involved more than 'apply fire to raw food') the Nave del Partido arrived at the intercept point.

Within an hour, Captain Zach was able to find the merchantship Vanessa had said should be passing by. It was apparently as the prostitute on Latoti had said; lightly armed, without escort, and baring some signs of damage that suggested less pirates and more sea monster.

The Nave del Partido was able to get within 300 feet of her before the ship seemed to notice, immediately attempting to sail away from the pirate boat.

[Superdooperphailmachine]

Zach was trying to sweet talk Annah when he heard the ship was in sight. He immediately shot out to the main deck to bark his orders.
"Man the port Bastillae and shoot out their sails!" Zach drew his cutlass in preparation for boarding

Catapult Attack:1d20+6=14, 1d20+6=20 (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3161632/)
Ballista Attack: 1d20+4=10, 1d20+4=17, 1d20+4=15 (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3161627/)
Ballista Damage:2d8/2=6, 2d8/2=6, 2d8/2=6 18 total (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3161634/)


Jobs notes:
CAPTAIN
Each round Zach must spend a standard action directing the ship and observing the battle.

HELMSMAN
Each round the helmsman - whoever that may be (probably Groh) must spend a standard action to steer the ship.

THE WATCH
Each round the sevven deckhands you hired must spend their standard actions doing various crap needed to make the ship do what it needs to do.

THE WEAPON TEAMS
Each round these guys each spend a full round action loading and firing weapons.

[Kodos]

The merchant ship returned fire, three ballistae bolts impacting the Nave del Partido's rigging.
21 Damages to the rigging! (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3163677/)

[Superdooperphailmachine]

Having his new boat get scratched up so soon made Zach kind of annoyed. Regardless he carried on with his shouting.
"Shoot the cheeky bastards again!" He commanded the Ballista teams before stomping off to the front of the ship to swear at the merchants.

After a few rounds of fire later and Zach was grinning like an idiot as they drew closer to the crippled ship.
Ballista attack:1d20+2=6, 1d20+6=14, 1d20+6=25 (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3163683/)
Ballista damage:2d8/2=3, 2d8/2=3, 2d8/2=7 13 total (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3163687/)

[Kodos]

Okay. So the main point of this was to get some actual gameplay data on ship-to-ship combat. I've got that. I can already see what needs to be tweaked - namely the ease with which you can cripple another ship. The rigging sections are too easy to target for anyone with half a brain. I'll either up their HP or - more likely - up their AC. Either way, it's too easy. It may be realistic, but it's not particularly interesting or fun. I also intend to allow you to spend money to upgrade sails or something because as it stands now, two ships of the same class will literally never be able to catch eachother unless one is weighed down with cargo.
Basically the gist of the problem seems to come from the fact that WOTC's playtesters apparently didn't test shit at a higher level. At <5th level this would be more reasonable, but for 5< this is a bit too unpredictable.
Anyway, don't worry, you'll all get a chance to get bloody soon. I promise. Deal with it.

One of the ship's masts proceeded to fall over onto the boat, sending splinters everywhere and with screams and smashing noises audible even on Zach's ship.

About a second later the white flags came waving.

A cheer rang out on the ship. The enemy surrendered! What do?!

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

Groh had one hand holding the wheel steady and and the other keeping a firm grip on a bottle of rum. It was just too easy for him to steal booze from under the nose of that merlady. The Ballistas fired and the merchant ship took damage. Groh felt good about life.

The Captain had given no orders to him the change position, so Groh held the wheel steady, taking the occasionally swig of rum, with an almost child like grin plastered across his face.

[Superdooperphailmachine]

Zach ordered for the ship to be driven up to a boardable distance and gave specific instructions.
"Board and steal mate's! Just don't kill anyone who is surrendering!"
Whether or not the crew listened to him regarding killing was anyones guess but they heard the boarding part okay.

[Kodos]

Some of the crew (particularly Anna Marie) seemed a bit annoyed and disappointed about not being able to kill anyone, but as far as Zach could see, they seemed to be complying.

"I'm a doctor." Rhodes grunted with annoyance, standing behind Zach.

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"And I'm a Captain, what is your point?" Zach had no idea why the doctor was outside or talking to him.

[Kodos]

"I'm glad we understand eachother." Rhodes grunted before heading off towards the crippled merchant ship.

"Didn't kill anyone, and you even let the doctor help the injured crew of the other ship? My, you're quite the humanitarian, captain." Annah purred, suddenly draping her arms around Zach's shoulders from behind. "Not many pirates out here share your sensibilities. It's good, among other things."

"Of course," she started with a laugh, "I can't help but notice, love, that you've neglected to inform us exactly how you plan to divvy up the loot. Any reason, love?"

[Superdooperphailmachine]

Zach had no idea what was going on with that doctor but Annah was giving him attention and that is always good.
He shifted to charm mode. Turning around to get a look at her, gazing deep into her eyes, and responding in a sultry tone.
"Because maths is boring my dear, nobody want's to hear about the complex calculations. They just want a fair amount of loot and that's what we're all getting."

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

Groh downed the last of the rum upon hearing the Captains order and pulled the wheel toward the starboard side, sending the ship towards the boardable side of the merchant vessal that had just surrendered. When the ship arrived at a suitable distance, Groh yelled at the shiphands to 'rig up the mast', so that ship would stay in line with the boarding area of the merchant vessal they were about to loot. Other crew members through ropes with large hooks on the end onto the deck of the merchant ship and when they dug deep into the deck they pulled them towards the Navo, ensuring that the two ships would not serperate during the raid.

Groh left the wheel and walked out onto the deck, ready to board the merchant ship, not expecting any violence, but hoping there would be.

[Kodos]

"And what's a fair share, love?" Annah smiled. "Because lots of people have different ideas of fair, honey."

***

No one on the merchant ship seemed willing to fight and offered no resistance as the crew bound the uninjured or lightly injured ones. Rhodes, for his part, tended to the more heavily wounded.

[Sylux]

"It's a shame that people even had to be hurt..." Lacia said, practically to himself. Even if he had said it to anyone else, they would almost surely disagree. If only the boat and its crew were an immense amount more intimidating, things would have been brighter for both. Though, Lacia was sure the captain thought this, too, and would probably eventually do some-odd-thing or two about this.

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

Groh clambered aboard the merchant vessal, assured that his 7''ft hairy, muscular frame would be enough to strike fear into the surrendered crewman. From what he could see on deck, he was right. A group of huddled crew were gathered infront of him as he boarded, Groh looked at them with a devious smile.

'What the fuck are you shitheads staring at? Its time to get out the booze and the gold or Uncle Groh's gonna go asshole diving with his devil dick, and you ladies are looking mighty tight-cunted to me!' He then let out a high pitched squeal, kinda like a laugh, that must of been horrible for the sailors ears.

[Evil_Cake]

Amanda was jabbing a knife at the merchants. "Hmm I guess a rape monkey evens out the fact that we are HEALING the people we just ATTACKED."

[Sylux]

"We were the ones to strike, so don't you think it appropriate to make reparations for at least personal damages in the interest of fellow peoples, hm?" Lacia said with a giggle, passing Amanda.

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"Fair is everyone getting paid equally. Unless they do something worthy of a little bonus of course."

[Regantor]

Jang just watched in wonder whilst the rest of the crew made combat with the other ship; One of the deckhands gave her ballista ammunition to load, but quickly gave up after she just sat there examining it.

None the less, once their ship had actually ensnared the other, she wasted little time jumping onboard before the ramps were even lowered. Cleaver in her teeth, she just sort of slamed down and slid across the deck main deck like an otter performing a trick.

"Guthd boiwz, or ah cweave!" She made clawing motions, slobbering viciously due to the knife and seemingly oblivious to the fact that she now made no sense at all to people with brains. Obnoxiously looting the crew members turned out to be her priority; Taking any jewelry or trinkets that were visable on their bodies, eating any food that was left on table tops, raiding their freshly caught fish supplies...

Eventually, she turned up behind Groh again, with an excited look on her face and a mouth still full of salted beef. "...H-Hey! They got loads of like... Rooms of stuff down there!"

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

Groh had gotten his fill of scaring the crew just as Jang informed him of the lower levels. He obviously would of looked down there anyway, but it was good to show the merfolk a bit of encouargement, even if she didn't really understand it.

'Nice one, my-little-fishy, well spotted.'

There was no lock on the door, but it was strong enough that Groh had to push on it with some force to get it open. He then decended the spindly looking steps to the lower decks.

[Evil_Cake]

Amanda looked over at Lacia, but seemed to shout to no one in particular, "If word gets out that we heal our victims.. don't you think they will fight harder to protect their stuff? I know I would if someone was going to bandage me up after they cut me in the first place!" She then turned back to the merchants, "Speaking of cutting..." and started threatening them with her knife some more.

[Kodos]

Annah just smiled. "Well, my handsome humanitarian, you've work to do, I imagine." She kissed his neck and pushed off him. "See me later."

[Superdooperphailmachine]

Zach said his goodbye then hopped onboard the merchant ship, giving the cowering losers Jovial greetings as he made his way to who he assumed was the ships captain.
"Evening, I'm Captain Zach, I assume you are Captain of this wreck?" Zach sheathed his cutlass and stuck his hand out with a smile.

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

Some of the planks were creaking under the weight of Grohs large hands (He refers to his feet as hands aswell) and the deck made a loud audible creak as he stepped onto the inner deck. There was a short hallway between the bottom of the stairway and the next room, which from the looks of it appeared to be the living quarters. Groh walked in and bunk beds were placed evenly on either side of the room. There might be a few things to loot in here.

As he stepped foot into the room, he noticed to his immediate right were a man and women having sex on the lower bed of one of the bunks. On the bunk next to it was another sailor sitting there with wide eyes of ecstacy, watching the pair fuck, one hand holding a white sheet over his lap and the other hand underneath it, moving up and down rythmically. Groh let out another high pitched laugh, that lasted for several minutes. This amused him greatly. In which time the sailor had let go of his prick and stared up at Groh with a mixture of fear and embarressment in his eyes and the other man had rolled off the girl, who was presumably a whore, and gave Groh a similar look.

'So this is where the parties at, huh?' Groh laughed again 'Had I known, I would have bought some lubricant.'

He couldn't see the girls face, but the two men looked at him with an air of surprise, as if they had never seen a hadozee before. Groh didn't give them any more thought than that. He noticed two pairs of sailors trousers on floor beside him, belonging to both the fucker and the pervert. In the pockets of each were a small coin purse, which Groh put into one of the pouches of his belt. He threw the trousers down and gazed back up at the trio.

'Don't mind me, boys.' He said with a grin.

He took another few steps into the living quarters and as he did he smelled food. He couldn't tell what it was, but it smelt pretty good. He turned and shouted in the direction of the steps he had just decended.

'Hey, fishy, we got us a loada bunk beds full of gold, a kitchen full of grub, a sex show and a wanker down here!' He turned towards the smell of the food, but still shouted loud enough for Jang to hear him. 'Lets get to work.'

[Regantor]

"A sacks show? Is there coins in them?" Jang slithered back down the stairs and absentmindedly bumbled around in the main section, belatedly taking note of the room she had missed on the first occasion... The room with people doing weird exercises in.

A quick cycloptian glance towards Groh, then back into the room. Her eyebrows squinted and her teeth gritted together, betraying either confusion or some kind of disgruntlement; It was a little hard to tell. Maybe she thought they were fighting each other?

"You peoplez have brain problems... You, you and you. Maybe him gorilla... Hear?" The merbarbarian squinted sideways and picked a fingernail with the end of her cleaver, barely paying attention until the seated (and still pantless) individual made for the cutlass remaining with his pants on the floor. As fluid fishwife face pain embodied, her form angled low against the decking, then carried an open palm upward and through the man's nose. He fell backwards with an arc of blood against the back wall, and Jang nonchalantly continued talking as if nothing had happened. "No time for exercise or fight, anyhow... You person... moron! And buy clothes!... No wait, you have coins for clothes? Give Jang!"

"...Groh, why they have money clothes and not buy clothes, them?" She showed him the handful of change they gave her, cupped in her hands like mysterious ancient artifacts. "Hear?"

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

Having travelled with Jang for nearly a week now, Groh found it a pleasure to listen to her speak. She didn't speak much, but when she did it was like a dense parable that needed to be interpreted from broken child-speak into the common tongue. At first it was frustrating, even mockingly amusing, but Groh now saw an entertaining charm in it. Also, it made him laugh. Although he could speak Aquan quite well, he enjoyed Jangs attempts at speaking common and smiled at their little broken dialogues.

'They not buy clothes because they not want clothes. They like to show what they got downstairs to all.' He grinned and tapped his temple with the tip of his long finger. 'Brain problems, my fishy friend.' He stood back and turned to face the direction of the smell of food. 'Fucking brain problems.'

Groh walked towards the kitchen.

[Regantor]

The kitchen already had food messily strewn across the floor. Particularly prevalent were stray chunks of salted beef, carved into wavy husks by someone in a moment of extreme haste...

"I eats them, no food in food room." Jang admitted blankly. Closing her beady eye, she then wafted her blade around slowly in a random pattern, and justified herself by how awesome she was. This was not the first time. "You guys want eat you be fast. Jang no slow belly for slow people, Jang need eat or die. And Jang not die because Jang worth mor-...."

The squirmy thing cut off, pausing her cleaver-batoning in mid-chop, then looked outright furious at one of the cupboards. There was a potato jamming it ajar, and a great deal more foodstuffs harbored within. Cautiously, Jang slithered forward and opened one of the wood flaps, then quickly stuck her entire head inside to have a look around.

"Fuckers!" The fish exclaimed, suddenly bolting out and giving Groh an extremely enraged glance. Her face was red, and her hands balled downwards. "T-they hide food from J-Jang! Food all in wood flaps right under nose, hear?... Loads and loads food they hide, hear?!.. W-we... W-we s-should kill-stab bastards! A-all them!"

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

Grohs sense of smell took him straight to the cupboard that Jang had clearly missed when she first searched this room. It wasn't much of a surprise that she missed it. The cupboards were filled with small barrels which were seemingly filled with many days worth of non-perishable foodstuffs. He was taking this.

He looked at Jang, listened to her out burst, then looked slowly over at one of chefs who was standing nearby. He scatched the back of his head with his right hand, his long, lizard-like fingers reaching far down his neck. Without looking, he then punched the chef solidly in the face, sending a fountain of blood and bloodclots into the air, toppeling the chef to the floor. He looked down at Jang.

'He'll pass that on to the others.'

There were four barrels of food in the cupboard, and Groh could quite sustainably pick up three of them, but not the forth. He grabbed the ones he could, then headed towards the door they entered through, saying to Jang on the way out;

'Grab that last barrel. Lets get off this tub of shit.'

[Regantor]

Jang still looked a little angry as her hairy companion decked the chef, perhaps not realising that the human was there at all until now. The actual punch satisfied her a little. Afterwards, she added a hefty tail slap to the side of the man's ribs for good measure.

"Not fool Jang, you! I hurt you." She made a growl and scrunched up her face, then clutched the last barrel to her chest with new haste. "You not say you fool Jang, 'cause you didn'. I hurt you ugly, hear? No say, hear?"

Without bothering to hear an answer, she then just wriggled out of the room, and back up to the main decks in pursuit of Groh.

"He not fool me." The merperson continued to insist, now towards the Hadozee's formidable back. "I see kitchen box before. Just they hide well, hear? Not Jang fault."

[Kodos]

The captain just shrugged. "Guess so. Take what you want, it's not like we can stop you."

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"I actually came to ask about the sea monster, we were gonna take all your stuff anyway"

[Kodos]

"Lusca did it. The damned thing grabbed our escort and pulled her right under. Lots'a good men died. Tried to pull us under, too, but we managed to get away in time."

"Then you showed up."

[Superdooperphailmachine]

Zach Figured Lusca wouldn't be likely to chase them.
"Well you're lucky it's me and not some other gang of pirates. Where were you headed?"

[Kodos]

"Caleruega. And guess so."

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"Well I think that's enough chatter. You and your men can help pack my ship, I'm gonna go look for some paperwork." Zach patted the other Captain's shoulder and headed off to what he assumed was the captains quarters.

[Kodos]

Other than the manifest, there wasn't anything too helpful in any of the ship's paperwork.

[Superdooperphailmachine]

The Grumbly losers moved all their stuff onto the Nave del Partido.
Zach pocketed the manifesto and headed back to his ship, thanking the loser captain as he began sailing back to Latoti.
The good Captain made his way to the helm to address the men. (and women)
"Good work crew, you managed not to kill everyone and I appreciate it, just for that I'm gonna give up my share of this loot, meaning you all get more gold." Zach looked to be in a good mood.

[Kodos]

That night Annah decided to pay the captain a visit.

Smiling, the dark skinned beauty made her way over to behind the seated captain and threw her arms around him, speaking in low, sultry, tones, and turning up the charm more than she usually did (which was a lot.).

"That was really nice of you to let the crew live," she purred. "I know it's not my place to judge or give orders, but I have problems with killing. Life is precious, you know?" She gave a wistful sigh. "Back home, where I come from, things are different. People are different. They forget things. Important things. People back home have forgotten that there is a difference between people and things. Things can be replaced. Things are just things, you know? But people? We're special. We're irreplaceable." Annah gave a soft little laugh. "That's why I don't ever take money for sex, love." She pulled Zach up towards her and kissed him deeply, pressing herself against him. "But I have no problem fucking handsome captains who are wonderful enough to tell the difference between people and things."

***

Annah was incredible. Positive reinforcement was a wonderful thing.

***

The second night since the raid was a lot less fun for Zach than the first. It involved a lot less sex with gorgeous and extremely talented brown skinned ladies, and a lot more attacks by devil worshiping fish people.

"SEVEN SAHUAGIN, CRAWLING UP THE PORT SIDE!"

Immediately the night watchmen rang their alarm bells. Not counting the two lookouts, there were only seven people on deck, none of them armed with crossbows. This could get messy.

http://i.imgur.com/8z6wR.jpg

INITIATIVE
Groh 23 (HoS is not on AIM now, and Fail is, so Groh delays his turn!)
Zach 15
NPC Warriors (Anna Marie, Pirate Steve, etc etc)
Amanda 12 or something
Lacia 3
Jang ? (I don't have her sheet, Reg!)
Sahuagin
Until someone peeks over the side of the ship, there's no telling how long until the Sahuagin reach the deck.

Regarding the map - all the PCs are below-deck besides the captain. The officer's quarters are on the lower deck. So that's why you aren't on the map. I didn't bother marking the deckhands, but assume they are taking refuge on the starboard side of the ship until they get further orders or panic and run below deck.

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"Fucking hell!" Zach, he wasn't too happy about being woken up but it was better than being killed in your sleep.
He got out of bed as quickly as possible, grabbing his cutlass and heading out to the main deck.
Unfortunately he didn't have time to throw any pants on so his manhood was out for all to see. He was about average.
"You lot get below deck and make sure everyone is awake." He ordered the deckhands,
"And you slimy bastards get off my fucking ship before you hurt yourselves!"
Autohypnosis: 1d20+14=26 (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3182562/)
Map
http://i.imgur.com/Na7j0.jpg

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

Groh was awoken by the shouting which hinted at an attack on the ship. Why the fuck does this have to happen when I'm sleeping. Pricks.

Groh sat up in his bunk an grabbed his bow and quiver that were postioned next to him, and strapped them around his body. He didn't bother putting on his belt and shorts, allowing his gorilla cock and balls to flap around with every turn he made. He took hold of his main weapon and headed towards the stairs to the deck.

This had better be fucking worth it...

[Kodos]

Anna Marie was the first of the hired warriors out on deck, clad in just her lingerie and eyepatch, wielding her cutlass, and looking more like she was just told that she won a billion gold and a harem of Incubi than someone who got woken up in the middle of the night to kill things.

"We can kill these ones, right?!" She asked with genuine excitement. Then she noticed the Captain's New Clothes and laughed. "Trying to outdo me, Cap'n?"

Pirate Steve stumbled out next with an "Arr." He now had a hook for a hand in addition to his eyepatch. He had not had the hook before. What?

Then he noticed Anna Marie's outfit, or lackthereof. "Arr."

http://i.imgur.com/UafQi.jpg
Nina is still getting dressed, and Tom has to grab his bolts. They will be out next round.

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"Yes to both questions."

[Regantor]

Upon hearing the thumping on the outer hull and the sudden commotion of the crew, Jang slowly bumbled into an awakened state. The bunk provided was pretty tiny for the nearly nine foot long creature, so she'd already turned it into a wee fort in the corner and squashed all the bedding behind it. It had the smells of meat and fish.

Where was her trusty cleaver? Oh, in her teeth already. Her belty clothes? On already, but all messed up and facing the wrong way. Close enough.

Now, the stairs. Those tiny little planks of anti-merfolk-ness...

"SHGURUG AGRA AFUNIR." She made a noise as she clambered up to the top, blade still in mouth. Blind people could read the words written in flying drool.

http://www.freewebs.com/handcannon/UafQi.jpg

[Evil_Cake]

The sound of people rushing up onto the deck made Amanda spring out of her cot. She already had some slacks and a shirt on for sleeping in, but on the way out she grabbed her weapon. This weapon was a long, thin chain about 13 feet long. On each end were two sharp spikes about a foot long each, made for either piercing or slashing. As she ran up on deck, the chain dragged behind her.

"Uhg..." She rubbed her eyes to make sure her vision was correct. "Did the enemy steal everyone's pants??"

http://img841.imageshack.us/img841/8924/mapht.jpg

[Sylux]

Lacia, already awake, was startled horribly by the announcement of an attack. This was indeed something he was not yet ready for, as he had become accustomed to the serene waters and high spirit life.

http://img710.imageshack.us/img710/8924/mapht.jpg

[Kodos]

Four of the Sahuagin, each armed with a trident, were now on the main deck. Presumably the other three were still climbing aboard.

The one closest to Jang proceeded to shout something in Infernal or Sahuagin while stabbing (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3192004/) her with its trident.

The two Sahuagin closest to Zach did the same, although only one (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3192007/) managed to hit, albeit critically (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3192009/). As the trident drove itself deep into the captain, the other Sahuagin laughed and shouted what one could assume were prayers to Sekolah and/or the Enemy.

12 Damages to Jang! (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3192006/)
16 Damages to Zach! (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3192010/)
http://i.imgur.com/7kDJd.jpg

[Superdooperphailmachine]

Zach managed to ignore most of the pain of getting stabbed, allowing him to laugh mockingly in the face of the fish who did the stabbing.
"Get off my fucking ship." Zach slashed the sahuagin twice with his cutlass.

Attacks:1d20+11=23, 1d20+6=19 (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3192015/)
Damages:1d6+4=10, 1d6+4=9 (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3192017/)
Total 19

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

Groh came trudging out of the passageway onto the upper deck, greeted by the vision of his fellow pirates.

'So what in the name of fuck are we all doing-'

http://www.freewebs.com/handcannon/7kDJd.jpg

He then noticed the four scaly, fish-like human monsters that had mounted the ship and landed on the deck, attacking the crew, and the asshat Captian was slicing into one of them.

Groh reached behind his back, gripped his bow, tore it out from behind him and aimed an arrow right at the Sahuagin to the left of him (2nd from the bottom) and fired.

You're gonna have some bad dreams tonight...

http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3226516/
http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3226518/

[Kodos]

Anna took up a position besides Jang and proceeded to engage with the nearest Sahuagin, clearly enjoying herself as she slashed (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3237015/) into the horrible fish-man.
Pirate Steve did the same (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3237022/), albeit for the Sahuagin farthest from the bow.
Nina and Tom Bonne arrived now, the former fully dressed and blushing a bit at the half-nude melee going on. Tom just gave Anna a whistle, which got him a quick wink, as she ducked under the Sahuagin's trident.
Tom managed to shoot the Sahuagin Anna was fighting with his heavy crossbow but the creature didn't seem too hurt (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3237023/) by the glancing shot.
Nina didn't have time to fire both of her hand crossbows, and only managed to shoot (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3237025/) the Sahuagin Anna was fighting once.
http://i.imgur.com/Hm7m8.jpg

[Evil_Cake]

Since most of the others had already engaged the enemy, Amanda decided to make her move. She whipped her chain's spike off the ground and caught the base of it in her hand. Then, she tossed it at the Sahuagin closest to her... (2nd one down) Or maybe she tossed it at Zach but missed, because the chain flew dangerously close to his head. It happened to pierce the enemy though.

http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3237215/
http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3237295/ = 11 dmg

When she pulled the chain back, the spike ripped out and dealt extra damage.

http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3237292/
http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3237296/ = 9

[Sylux]

"Jang! I've got you!" yelled the ever-helpful Lacia from a distance as he cast a Magick Missile at the Sahuagin fiends lined up in front of her. Four missiles hit the two Saghuagin directly in front of Jang evenly.

http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3242930/ (5 & 6)

The missiles exploded on the Sahuagins' skin, blasting harder on the one closest to Jang and bursting them into chunks.

http://img821.imageshack.us/img821/2816/hm7m9.jpg

[Regantor]

Jang winced loudly as she was stabbed in the shoulder, and proceeded to give out a death glare, and grip the end of the trident so that the fish(ier) man couldn't retract it...

Except, the Sahuagin had exploded into a bloody mess already. Far too content with how her awesome death glare made, like, a trout guy totally explode up, Jang just squirmed right on through and failed to take note of Lacia's assistance at all.

"You face! Jung have a pain for you!!! >:D" She snarled, then slamed downward onto the next invader with her cleaver.

Melee attack;
1d20+10=16 (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3245291/)
Damage;
1d8+4=8 (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3245292/)

8hp worth of damage done to the uppermost Sahuagin.

http://www.freewebs.com/handcannon/hm7m9.jpg

[Kodos]

One of the Sahuagin shouted something in what was probably Infernal, and grabbed (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3277124/) Jang, although he was unable (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3277131/) to get a good grip on the smelly fish lady.
The other Sahuagin tried to do the same against Pirate Steve, but only managed to somehow trip over itself (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3277132/), faceplanting on the deck.

[Superdooperphailmachine]

Zach sliced twice at the Sahuagin Jang was bashing, hitting it only once.
Attack:1d20+11=17, 1d20+6=11 (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3277312/)
Damage:1d6+4=9 (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3277313/)

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

Groh had difficulty seeing the scaly creatures beyond the darkness and the backs of his crewmens heads, but he eventually saw the face of the Sahuagon nearest to Jang and fired another arrow:

http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3277898/
http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3277900/

[Evil_Cake]

Amanda whipped her chain down at the nearest Sahuagin. The poor thing was already so injured from the other crewmember's attacks and it couldnt take anymore. After it fell over dead, Amanda hit it again for good measure.

http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3294987/ (forgot to add +2 so should be 18)
http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3294988/ = 12 dmg
http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3294983/
http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3294990/ = 18

Too lazy to do map... so the uppermost sahua is gone : \

[Sylux]

With a dazzling front, Lacia conjured his magickal spell of the magickal missile in order to sever the life-ties of the barbaric sahuagin from the world! Pew pew! He was very dead now! Great success!

[Regantor]

Following Amanda's lead, or perhaps just using any excuse for a little extra choppy-time, Jang re-clobbered half of the Sahuagin until the wee fishy thug was finally exhausted. Then, standing ontop of the pile bloody and fearsome, trident still embedded in shoulder, she raised her cleaver thoroughly into the air and bellowed out a momentous, heroic spree of words that few would dare defy...

"...Owowowowowow ah ah ah ah ow ow ow ah eh, shit, ah! -It hurt! You guys! Three spear!- Ah ow ow ow~. ;_;"

Yeah, battlescars or no battlescars, Jang just welled up like a big merbaby.

"...I'll... Trade... Yeah, trade meats of trout guys!... Yeah, they food and mine?... If fix? Yeah!... Please, please... :c"

[Evil_Cake]

Amanda gathered up her chain weapon. "What a pain in the butt... Is it safe to go back to sleep now?"

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

Groh put away his bow behind his back again, and gazed over at Jang who seemed to be in alot of pain, a trident protruding from her shoulder.

Well, I'm not pulling that out...Leave that shit to the doctor.

The adrenaline from the battle had worn off, and remains of the liquer from last night had risen to the fore front of Groh's mind. Time to sleep off another hang over. He gazed over at the captian, waiting to see if he had something to say before he went back to his bunk.

[Sylux]

Jk he's not an uberman

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"All clear, return to your posts!" Announced captain to his crew
" And someone throw those overboard" Zach gestured towards the Bodies and headed back to the captains quarters.

[Sylux]

"Don't look at me," said weakly Lacia.

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

I knew I hated that Captian for a good reason...Lazy fuck

Groh took on the responsibility himself picking up the scally lizards and throwing them back into the sea they came from, admiring his marksmanship on each corpse as he lifted them. When the final one hit the water, he headed back down to his bunk and sprawled out on it, the last thing crossing his mind before he succummed to sleep being;

Everyone had better fuck off till morning...

[Kodos]

The rest of the trip back to Latoti was, for better or for worse, much less eventful.
Annah did pay the captain another after-hours visit or two, though, so at least there was that.

***

While the crew enjoyed the brief shore leave at the lawless port Zach went trawling for news, information, and rumors.

***
(Fail rolled gather info ages ago. I lost the rolls, but here are the results.)
According to general news and rumors, every port settlement in the Gold Sea besides Rina Ciudad has a military fort full of soldiers and siege weapons for use against ships. Also someone was going on about how the governor of Valparaiso has a beautiful daughter, like holy shit. Also apparently one of the men involved in a bar fight had fought giant crabs more fearsome than his opponent.
According to some sailors Zach spoke to, the nearby Locrinus port colony of Valparaiso has scarce goods but a surplus of sugar and tobacco. Aguava has more or less the same economic situation and also belongs to Locrinus, although supposedly the shipwrights there could fix the boat up with some cotton sails.
The Abomination was supposedly sighted again near Cuevas del Fuego, and the Wraith continues to make trouble for sailors around Isla Rina, but otherwise there were no particularly noteworthy rumors or news to be found regarding ghost ships.
According to one of the sailors Zach spoke to there is a nearby island called Lost Island. It's a terrible place full of giant wasps the size of a child. Giant wasps. Dreadful creatures!
According to one of the hookers Zach spoke to there is rumor going around about Tesoro's colony being home to a secret treasury of gold. Not clear how much gold, but definitely 'lots.' Tesoro is small, poorly defended, and generally fairly poor, so presumably only Magistrate Carlos (the island's governor) knows where it is, since the townsfolk obviously haven't been using that wealth.

***

The next morning the crew piled back aboard the ship and got ready to hear whatever the fuck Zach had in mind for booty this time.

EDIT: Here is the updated map of the Gold Sea in light of Zach's recent info gathering.
http://i.imgur.com/AxfMGl.jpg (http://imgur.com/AxfMG)

EDIT 2: The Jang is to scale.

[Superdooperphailmachine]

On board the ship, Zach called for a meeting with the mates in his quarters. Unfortunately Jang was a mate and she was going to stink his room out.
"Mates, I've decided on our target. Apparently Tesoro has a hidden Cache of much gold. We're going in, finding out where the gold is and stealing it, hopefully without getting caught. My plan is to have either Annah or Anna seduce the location out of him, or failing that kidnap and scare it out of him. Any of you have suggestions?"

[Sylux]

"Kill him?" suggested Lacia.

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"That's a stupid Idea. I thought you Magicians were clever."

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

'Yeah, people don't tend to talk much when they're dead. I say suduction will work it. The old fucker will give us whatever we want if you dangle a big pair of titties in his face.'

[Sylux]

"I see my attempts at obscure humor were in vain," said Lacia defeatedly.

[Evil_Cake]

"That plan sounds fine." Amanda then patted Lacia and grinned. "And we can always kill him after we get the treasure."

[Sylux]

"Only if he's an ass, but I would really prefer to not be there if it comes to that. I honestly did mean it as a total joke..." said Lacia, almost sheepishly. Boy, these guys were cold killers!

[Superdooperphailmachine]

Zach spoke, like a wise father.
"Killing is no joke, Lacia. I suggest you go outside and think about that." Zach gestured at the door.

[Sylux]

"Sure, Captain. I'll be on the deck if you need me," replied Lacia as he stepped out.

[Kodos]

The first four days of the journey towards Tesoro were rainy and foggy, and the most excitement to be found was when the ship spotted some flotsam and Jang was sent to investigate but found nothing valuable. Well, at least for the crew at large. Annah was spending more of her free time, and especially her nights, with Zach, and that was certainly enjoyable.

The fifth day, however, was more eventful. For starters, it was a brutally hot day, even by the standards of the Gold Sea. It was also a nice clear day, and the extra Jang stench was at least slightly mitigated by Annah having decided to go topless.
The ship spotted a medium brigantine pirate ship, but evidently there was honor among thieves, because when Zach ordered the flag hoisted, it up and left, and Zach didn't feel like pursuing.

And then, later in the day, around dusk, they found it. It was a medium carrack drifting aimlessly in the water. She showed no signs of damage or battle, but was quite clearly derelict.

WHAT DO?

[Superdooperphailmachine]

Zach gave the order to pull over next to the ship, taking Jang, Amanda, Lacia, Anna-marie and Pirate steve along to investigate.

[Kodos]

The main deck was wet and clearly had not been cleaned or cared for in some time. The ship had obviously been derelict for at least the greater part of a week.

There were no signs of battle or struggle, and thankfully, no signs of undead either. There weren't any catapults, either, so this ship probably was mercantile rather than part of a military or pirate fleet.

It was all very eerie. Something felt off. Maybe it was a trap?

"Yarr, something not be right." Was Pirate Steve's sage commentary. "No, really? You think?" Anna-Marie sighed.

http://i.imgur.com/qEEHD.gif
Pick whether to explore the rooms or go below deck or whatever, I guess. No point going up, the forecastle and shit have nothing on them.
GEE SCOOB, IT'S A MYSTERY.

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"Okay gang, lets split up and look for clues, Jang, Lacia and Pirate-steve search the lower deck."
Zach headed for what would be the captains quarters in the Nave del Partido, the door was unlocked so he waltzed on in.

[Kodos]

The captain's cabin was a mess. Clearly the captain was an unhygienic slob, because clothes, half-eaten and now-rotten plates of food, and other detritus of life were everywhere. Thankfully, having spent so much time with Jang, to Zach and friends, it was kind of pleasant smelling in comparison.

Captain's log: Get?

[Sylux]

Lacia searched the lower deck for cool things to pawn. Oh wait, he's not a rogue! The search for clues was extremely decisive.
1d20 → [19] = (19) http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3389942/

[Regantor]

Jang was still annoyed about the fact that nobody would pull that trident out of her shoulder, and thus spend spent the whole week sitting directly ontop of the food stockpile. She didn't exactly manage to stop people from taking any, as she constantly fell asleep on the job, but it all still meant that all of the none-fish food now smelled suspiciously like fish.

Back to today, it explained why the merbarbarian was still sulking around most of them and put as little effort into her job as possible, squirming her way down into the holds.

Search;
1d20-2=3 (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3399746/)
"-...No good dirdy huemans... no care jang, so... jang will eat all tree-sure we finds, ha, yeah... I make care... and then I...-"

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

Vomit trickled down the ships wheel, above which hung the mouth of the hadozee who was asleep over it, hung over it in a drunken stupier. Groh slept with a twitch in his eye, dreaming of fat human woman's fat asses, oblivious to what was happening beyond his unconciouess state.

[Kodos]

The ship's hold was locked, and there was a truly foul stench coming from it. It smelled like the sea. It might have been Jang, but Lacia smelled it before she came down.

The lower ship's office was a mess, but unremarkable. The same was true of the officer's cabins and the storage rooms. The galley, though. The galley.

The galley was a mess as well, clearly there had been some sort of fight. Lacia and Jang could tell this because, well, the bodies were still there. It was a bloodbath. Judging from the clothing, it was the crew. Judging from the bite marks, scratches, and weapon marks, whatever had killed them wasn't entirely human.

The galley showed no signs of structural damage, like the rest of the ship, yet strangely it smelled of the sea, and there were some barnacles and starfish and other sea-detritus about it.

What the crap?

Maybe the ship's log would have an explanation? Or the captain's log?

[Superdooperphailmachine]

Zach reads log.

[Kodos]

The captain's log was fairly normal until about two weeks prior to the end of the log. That's when things started to get... odd.

She loves me. She loves me so much. The crew is jealous. Jealous of us. They want to take her from me. I won't let them. Never. She loves me. They won't separate us. Never. She loves me. She loves me so much.
Continuing on in that vein with increasingly paranoid and scribbled rantings. What's odd, though, is that none of the entries before mentioned any sort of wife or lover.


Won't let them take her from me. Won't. Won't won't won't won't. She loves me.

[Superdooperphailmachine]

That was pretty creepy. Zach went next door to look for more clues.

[Regantor]

Jang couldn't read the log, due to not being able to read logs. This was due to her not being able to read, which was due to her being even more dull-headed and brainless than some vegitables were. What that was due to, it was probally best not to ask, and simply be glad she remembered the concept of "Put clothes on." today.

Either way, she was much more interested in nabbing nice treasures from the pockets of those non-living crew boys.

Search;
1d20-2=-1 (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3416148/)
...
>_>
...
-1?
It did not work out as planned.

Infact, Jang started a small fire within one of their pockets, somehow.

Was he carring a lighter? Did Jang have some matches she didn't know about? Nobody knows.

All that was left was a burnt corpse and a beffuddled stinky fishgirl that now thought she was magic.

[Superdooperphailmachine]

Zach found nothing of interest on his floor so he went downstairs to check on the rest of the team.

[Sylux]

"Hi-ya, Cap'n!" exclaimed Lacia. "Pretty spooky place, huh?"

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"Of course" Zach said, as he walked over to Lacia and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
"What is it?"

[Sylux]

"Well, captain... I'm not exactly so used to death. That joke I made earlier was a complete joke. I'm really opposed to killing, especially human beings, so it's just a little scary to be on a ship like this."

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"If you let something like this get to you, then you will never make it as a pirate" Zach handed Lacia the captains log, pointing out the creepy entries.
"I think the captain went mad an murdered his crew. So be careful, could be cursed things on this ship."

[Evil_Cake]

Amanda went to the ship's hold, but the door was locked. She tried pulling it and pushing it open, but the door didn't budge. Next, she tried... like... stabbing it with her spiked chain, and began slowly carving away tiny bits of door. Soon she realized that was a lost cause, and in a last, desperate attempt to open the hold, she slammed herself against the door. All this was for nothing. The entrance to the hold was still blocked, but now Amanda's shoulder really hurt.

"Great..." The pirate lady swallowed her pride, and yelled out to her crewmates, "SOMEBODY COME OPEN THIS STUPID THING!!"

Luckily Anna was nearby, and with their powers combined, the door was smashed open. :bunny_clap:

[Sylux]

Lacia was highly startled by the loud bang. He ran to see what the noise was, quickly as he could (albeit frightened and slightly reluctant). He'd seen that Amanda and Anna broke open a door. "You silly... You scared me, guys!" Lacia breathed heavily. "O...kay, let's have a look-see around here," Lacia said as he searched about the room.

1d20 → [1] = (1)
http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3450240/

"Erm... Nothing here," he said. He was probably just tired... >_>

[Kodos]

The hold was a mess. The entire room was drenched and covered with pools of water, although there were no obvious sources, and on top of that, there was coral and other sea detritus everywhere. Barrels and crates of long spoiled food and wasted booty were mostly shoved towards the door, apparently in some manner of make-shift barricade.

Towards the back of the room, sitting in a particularly big and messy pile of coral and sea-slime, was a horrible statue, about knee-length in height, of some monstrous abomination. The creature depicted had a lower body consisting of a mass of thick tentacles, each lined with horrible eyes that seemed to stare right through the observer. The upper body was vaguely humanoid, with four spindly arms, and a terminating in a massive maw lined with rows of teeth, but no eyes.

The walls. The walls and visible portions of the floor and ceiling had all been scratched, apparently by fingernails. Over and over again, one simple sentence; "she loves me."

The room was clearly the source of the god-awful sea stank, too.

[Evil_Cake]

"Bleck!" Amanda pinched her nose with one hand, and held her weapon in the other. "Guess we should have left this room closed. Its just a shithole! What the fuck?!" She stared back at Anna for a moment and sighed, "Sorry about wasting your time with this crap.." Then she turned back to the room, and growled at Lacia, "What do you mean, 'nothing here'? You were searching around like a moron. Look again!"

[Sylux]

"Y-yeah... Sorry about that..." Lacia mumbled.

1d20 → [19] = (19)
http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3450262/

"Wow... Amanda, I've found this... Disgusting, polyp-y statuette thingy. What d'you suppose it could possibly be? Is this what drove the captain of the ship mad?"

[Evil_Cake]

Amanda still had her nose pinched to avoid smelling the room. "I don't know, but its super ugly. If theres nothing valuable in here, then lets go."

[Sylux]

"You think we should keep this thing? Or..." Lacia gulped. "Do you think it could make us go mad, too?!"

[Evil_Cake]

Amanda just stared blankly at Lacia for a moment, but eventually said, "If you want to keep that thing in your cabin, go ahead, I don't care..." She then left the room to get away from the strong stank.

[Sylux]

Lacia peered deeply into the statuette's eyes...

And soon enough...

"It peered back! CAPTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN~!!!!!!!"

[Regantor]

An inhuman shreik suddenly bellowed out behind Lucia, followed by the slippery thud of an elongated, heavy tail. Supple but reeking hands clasped around the man's mouth from behind, and he felt a damp mass of hair dab against the back of his neck vorasiously...

"... Stup freekin yellin an' scaring, you shtupit land-man, hear?..." Oh, right. It was Jang. The look in her eye said she'd seen something like the disturbing statue before, and was not best pleased about seeing it again. "... Fishy mens don' have eyes lids so he prob slumerin', see?... We go... Go fast... "

She did realise it wasn't a real creature, right?

...It was a statue and not a real creature, wasn't it?...

[Sylux]

A huge, monstrously shrilly growl tumbled out behind Lacia. "What the-...!" It grabbed Lacia over the mouth and spoke. The stench permeated its way into familiarity. "Blech," said Lacia, "what's the big deal, Jang?" Lacia listened to Jang's speech. "Are you saying that this thing might be... REAL?!"

[Regantor]

"What? What isn't 'real'? Every thin' real. Don't confuse." Jang just yanked Lacia backwards by the shirt, with an increasingly urgent expression on her face. "Nuthin' isn' real. Spechully murdrin half a squid half not a squid wet menz with... bad... stabbin with... makin' littles from..."

The fishgirl paused for a moment as her deep fried brain failed to gain any traction, then just scrunched up her eyebrows and dragged on his chest even harder. "...J-just... come with Jang, hear? Id yutt. Menz can't even go low wet. So you no know. Don' know nuddin. D'try make me feel dumb cause no words, you is id yutt no Jang..."

[Sylux]

"Er, sorry. Let's go."

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"Sorry crew, but I want this ship. Start getting rid of the bodies, I'll toss that thing overboard."
Zach walked over to the weird cursed thing and picked it up, It felt weird, and he probably shouldn't be touching it, but no way in hell was he missing out on a free ship.

[Kodos]

As Zach reached for the grotesque statue a hand reached out and grabbed him. From the floor.

They could see it more clearly, now. It had been in the room the whole time, but with its head turned and its body still, it blended in completely with the detritus. It was horrible. The creature was a grotesque mass of tube and other sorts of coral, twisted and contorted into a vaguely humanoid shape. Upon the creature's head, where the face should be, was only more coral, and a disturbingly human (if in poor hygeine) mouth, which slobbered.

Worst of al, the thing was wearing tattered pants - had this thing once been human?

"WON'T LET YOU TAKE HER FROM ME." It groaned, it's voice a horrible synthesis of a gurgle and a roar. "SHE'S MINE. SHE LOVES ME. SHE LOVES ME."

WHAT DO?! Combat is technically started. I'll make a map if need be. I'm not bothering with initiative because I want things fast moving, and you kids are bad. I'll make the NPCs go last or when things lag.

[Sylux]

"Ah! Fire the missiles!" yelled Lacia.

4d4+4 → [4,3,1,1,4] = (13)
http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3452311/

The missiles exploded on the creature's face.

[Kodos]

The creature made a gurgling roar, but otherwise didn't seem too hurt by the impacts. Although bits of coral did break off - they seemed to grow back rather quickly.

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"Take her to Sekolah's Depths freak!"
Zach thrusted his hand towards the creature, forming some kind of magic sword, stabbing it twice

Attack:1d20+14=26, 1d20+9=23 (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3452300/)
Damage: 1d6+1d4+7=15, 1d6+1d4+7=10 (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3452317/) =25

[Kodos]

The creature made more pained gurgles, but again didn't seem to phased by being stabbed - clean through even in one case.

***

When Zach had activated his mindblade he thought he could hear, for the faintest moment, the sound of drums.

[Sylux]

"Captain, the statuette!" Lacia shouted. "This guy is connected to it somehow!"

[Superdooperphailmachine]

"Someone throw it overboard!"

[Evil_Cake]

Amanda was sure to keep distance from the monster and the statue. "Yeah, theres no way I'm touching that statue if its going to turn me into one of these things." However, in an attempt to act somewhat helpful, she shot her spiked chain towards the monster twice.

http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3452367/ attack = 16, 27
http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3452369/ damage = 15, 17

[Regantor]

A weird new growl was heard in the commotion; Out of everybody, it was Jang who lunged out first, dropping her cleaver and hoisting the twisted figurine upwards to her chest with both hands. In her garbled rage, she let out something sounding vaguely like "Yur... gurbige! And'dime'gonna'treede'choo'lie'gurbige!"

Strangely, the stringy fishgirl did actually manage to heft the thing without difficulty, and then bolt off back into the main section like a true conger eel. Those bones weren’t cartilage after all, turns out.

Before you knew it, she was back up the first set of stairs again, and sliding sideways manically in an attempt to turn towards the remaining stairway up to the main deck.

[Kodos]

"WON'T LET YOU TAKE HER FROM ME." The creature gurgle-roared as it sprang into action, running wildly behind Jang, and quickly catching up to her, although it didn't have time to strike at her.
The crew all swung at the creature with their weapons, most hitting, as he rushed by, but the creature didn't seem to mind and the chunks of coral their slashes removed seem to grow back almost instantly.

If Jang tries to leave, the creature gets an attack of opportunity.

[Regantor]

Writhing her tail into a grey blur, Jang didn't bother to right herself from the floor and simply clattered along it, squeeling loudly all the while. It might have been for the best that nobody was alongside her, since the smell she exuded suddenly got a whole lot worse. Leaving a wet streak kind of worse.

This did not help matters when it came to lumbering up the second set of stairs, the last hurdle before the merbarbarian could make it back up to the main deck...

[Kodos]

As Jang started away from the Creature, it reached out and grabbed (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/3481696/) her. "WON'T LET YOU. MINE. SHE LOVES ME."

Fortunately for fishlass, she managed to break free of his corally grip.

[Regantor]

If Jang had any quality that you could possibly even call not terrible, it was that she could thrash about like an angry tunafish. The creature was certainly not letting up in trying to grab her, but the bundle of scales just slipped right out of it's grasp every time.

Still screeching frantically, the mermaid finally made it up to the top deck, and then proceeded to hammer-throw the statuette clear off the side of the ship.

[Kodos]

Decided to skip a round because the resolution was so close.

The creature that had been the captain came screaming after, diving off the ship after its beloved.

Well. That was certainly weird.

Combat over, crisis averted. Now wat?

[Sylux]

"Well jeez! I haven't seen anything more frightening in my life..."

[Regantor]

Jang slowly squirmed back down the stairs after a minute, huffing in exertion and looking more than a little stressed still.

"...You guiyz are dumb, hear?... Didn'cho see statue before?..." Too exausted to keep balancing on her tail now, she grabbed Lacia heavily around the shoulders instead. "...You guiyz cow-hards and Im is smart.... Jang didn't do a wee! Want reward, hear? u_~"

[Superdooperphailmachine]

Zach ordered the bodies to be thrown overboard and divided the crew between his two ships. They were going back to Latoti and getting the new vessel, "La M&#225;quina del Misterio", outfitted, cleaned and filled with more pirates. The people of Tesoro are safe for another week.

All players who aren't Groh get to ride the new shithole boat back, we are also bringing our fighters and a lookout.

[Sylux]

"Hey, there, captain. You like this ring? With it, I only need two hours of sleep each night to be well-rested and fully energized for the day," Lacia urged slyly, hoping to secure a position not on the 'new' junkyard ship they'd only just acquired.

[Kodos]

7 days later the crew found themselves back at Latoti.

La M&#225;quina del Misterio would cost 100 gold to have cleaned and the minor damage repaired. If they wanted to outfit her with weapons, new locks, and more, that would, of course, be another matter.

Beyond that, most of the crew went off their separate ways, enjoying shore leave.

WHAT DO?

EDIT: Zach did go fishing for news and rumors.
Zach didn't learn any new general news.
In economic news, he learned that Caleruega has scarce Luxuries, but little need for anything else. The shipwright there can reinforce hulls, which is neat. Someone else mentioned that the Mayabeque port's shipwright could streamline a boat. Good to know!
In sea monster news, nothing new or interesting. Well, anymore interesting than the usual status quo being every now and then a boat gets eaten by horrible monsters.
According to the rumors Zach heard about ghost ships, the Wraith always seems to come from the southwest whenever it starts a raid on Isla Rina or wherever. Presumably the literal ghost ship has something to do with some island or object out in those ill-explored and Sahuagin infested waters.
Zach heard rumors that there is an uncharted island in the Sahuagin infested waters to the southwest that holds a truly epic hoard of Sahuagin gold, collected by the evil creatures over centuries of raids.

[Regantor]

Jang was in a good mood, still having heaps of fun telling the locals about how she single-handedly bested a seven thousand foot tall barnacly bastard in a statue throwing competition. Well, that, and stinking up the place with her now unfathomably terrible smelling fishy-stink.

After a while, she ran out of populace to annoy, and was more or less just wandering through various bars and clothes-removal joints getting increasingly drunk. Annah was in one of them. Super interested in getting the dancer to listen to her bizzare stories, Jang basically pounced in from behind and began hanging off the woman's shoulders like a surly leech.

"Eh, you beliv wha'cha bin tol bah me duncha? Jang is good and strong, hear?" The merbarbarian grinned and took another swig from her flagon, before basically trying to force Annah to take the next gulp. "Deh don' say noothin kuase they jeelous what they saw and Jang is really heero you see. I want be merry and drink with guys because I am good and nobody else is good because they do not share drink and they do not defeet moonster like Jang who is the greetest, hur?"

[Kodos]

Annah was in a bar and, unsurprisingly, surrounded by a throng of men and a few women who wanted the gorgeous woman's affections. The crowd quickly thinned as Jang began harassing the lovely stripper/guitarist.

Annah just did her best to hold her breath and smile, gently pushing away Jang's offer of booze before turning around to face the strange Mermaid. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to figure out what to say.

She eventually settled on what was probably the only really appropriate response.

"Uh... um... I... What?"

[Sylux]

"Jang! Excellent job single-handedly defeating that terrible monster aboard the Sahuagin ship! It seemed the creature was attached to a horrendous statue, which you so courageously threw overboard to lure the monster away from us! You were so strong, and so brave! Honestly, I was quite jealous, and I sincerely wish that someday my abilities can match those you have, even just now!" Lacia slyly translated for Annah, tossing her a wink.

[Regantor]

Super excited about being praised, Jang's tail blindly thrashed and writhed at a hundred knots a second, vibrating all the stools close by and nearly knocking over at least one of Annah's (former) freinds. There was a massive smile on her face, and her arms were balled up in gusto-y fistycuffs, too. "You see Jang am greetness even if nobody want because they not as good as Jang an they know! You see he proove, hear!"

After that, she just kept gyrating up and down. It was a pretty effective method of spreading her smelly musk, that.

"Jang know stone guy are bad for see and rummember ah did. Even if never move they mean bad. You not know 'cause you don't walk under wet and Jang is one who does and is greet at it, hear?" She continued to gabber at a thousand knots per second, now trying to make Lacia drink from her mug in 'thanks' instead. "Have tough aswell and am totally as look good. Eef you leek Jang can tell how you be too, listun? Jang only ask that trade watch food and also pull out three-bit spear next time happen also 'cause that hurt Jang even through so tough. For that Jang will be always guard and nice."

A fevourish giggle later, she was back to clinging onto Annah and insistantly trying to touch the woman's face.

[Kodos]

Annah coughed and gave an awkward smile. "Jang, lovely, when was the lost time you had a bath?" She asked meekly.

[Regantor]

"Baff?..." Jang parroted the word. It was not so much like the mermaid was confused about what it was, and rather more like she was confused about why she was being asked. "Last time man offer baff he tell Jang take clofves off! Jang know nasty trick, hear?"

It took an extra few seconds of marinating in that fishy head for a cunnin' plannz to form.

"Annah you wanna give I baff, it cost you guard Jang when she asleeps and take out pointy hurts when ask." She made a squeaky (alluring?) tone, arcing outwards with her chest and arms in an incredibly awkward attempt to appear erotic. One had to wonder if she even quite knew what was involved. "This offer for Annah only, since she liek Jank only, and can be friend, hear?..."

Suddenly, the browny-red mono-eye shot towards the water sorcerer. "Offer not for Lacia, he too nice and up to something and prolly has pants worm even through look like girly."

[Sylux]

"Oh, Jang! It's a shame, because I'd have loved to guard you," Lacia cunningly slithered out. He began chuckling to himself at Annah's total comfort.

[Kodos]

"Oh, yes, I definitely think Lacia has a pants worm." Annah laughed. "But I don't know how to fight, Jang, at least not very well, and the only medicine I know is just some ways to fix hangovers that don't work very well, and some other stuff. I can't fix... uh... pointy hurts." She shrugged and gave an awkward smile.

"But once you have a bath, I bet all the guys on the ship will be all over you." She gave a wink. "I'll probably have to keep the cap'n on a leash even."

Somehow she managed to almost keep a straight face.

[Regantor]

"Mee-da-sin?" Jang narrowed her eye, rubbing the lengthy scar on the bridge of her nose in confusion. Wasn't just pulling the pointy thing out all you had to do? "Jang don't need mee-da-sin befure and she don't need now. Great 'cause heal on own, hear? Just stab is super hurt like ten hundred more worse than normal hurt and nobody can pull out..." For the last part, she lent in close and cupped her hands, as if to reveal some vast astounding secret. "...Even Jang cannot 'cause hurt too much, hear? It hurt like propa propa bad... most worstful thing evar..."

Getting stabbed hurts. Go figure. Quick, somebody write this down!

"If guys on ship wanna fight Jang, through, not sure if want do..." She mistook quite what Annah was trying to say, looking up into the air now, but still holding onto her dress.

Suddenly, a stray hand lashed out and grabbed Lacia by the collar, dragging him back into the range of that terrible breath. The pint she was supposed to still be holding with that hand clattered to the floor, spilling beer all over his shoes. "Why mens want fight Jang, if have baff? You say she stink, and then want to 'get all over' if not stink, why? You already want fight with Jang, but cannot 'cause Jang has great air flavour huemins don't like?..."

Her grip was pretty strong despite those stringy limbs, and she didn't seem prepared to let go of either of them until she found out why exactly the 'guys' wanted to 'be all over her'.

Regardless, the way she pouted out her cheeks like a pufferfish wasn't so much intimidating as it was incredibly childish. Did she actually understand being angry, either?

Did the bug-eyed lanky fish wench understand anything?

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

A half bottle of whisky and a dirty glass accompanied Groh as he sat staring at the merlady and that fine piece of cunt engaging in an encounter that could at best be called embarrassing to the senses. He drifted in and out of what they were saying as he sat alone at the table, paying closer attention to the musicians behind him playing stringed instruments that he had not heard for many years, playing melodies he had not thought possible. He enjoyed the music. He imagined he was flying. Flying across a land of volcanic ash and scorched earth as he heard the tempo change, enchanting the terrain he had cunjured in his minds eye deeper, a terrain that seemed to allow him to lose himself in his own alcohol-sodden head, if only for a few brief minutes.

His expressionless face turned its gaze elsewhere, fixating on nothing inparticular as he allowed the music to wash over him, only breaking his fantasy periodically to command his right hand to lift the glass to his face.

He didn't care about much. Not right now.

[Kodos]

Annah laughed, opened her mouth a few times to say something, then realized Jang probably wouldn't be able to parse it and settled on something else.

"I mean, um, uh, everyone will think you're really pretty if you have a bath. They won't want to fight you then. They might if you don't, though."

She gave a nervous little smile and demanded another drink from the barkeep - something stronger.

[Regantor]

"...Yo-yo-you tryin' be freind with Jang, and then sayin' Jangs not good? You say she ugly and you no like smell, is that you saying?" Jang's arms writhed angrily. She was definately dumb as a post, there was no doubt about that, but her stubborness was perhaps something she had learned... After all, if somebody was actually bothering to be nice to her, they had to be after something, right?

"Jang no trust! Jang no trust!" He arms suddenly jolted downwards, and her tail made one almighty slap against the floorboards. "Jang know you all like..."

The maroon eye narrowed into a slit. She was remembering something old and spiteful, through the haze of alcohol.

"Fuckin'... Dark skin huemins from the sixy countries... Yeah, Jang know... You think stupid and make trick and kill and steal, but Jang know, hear..." The tone of her voice suddenly changed to a slippery growl, one with an honest anger she had never chosen to display before. "You make mers persons work until dead and give'em no choice. Jang see and hear... She know how you dark skin's talk 'bout her... But now you talk nice? I... I-I know you doing, whore-bitch..."

[Kodos]

Annah listened along, at first, with the same look of 'oh god don't laugh' and '...wut' that she'd had. Until Jang started getting racist. The moment Jang brought up slavery, Annah simply got up and slapped Jang hard across the face, ignoring the handful of cheers and that one cry of 'catifight!' from the rowdy patrons.

"Don't you fucking ever!" She shouted at Jang. "I would never!" She yelled. "Never."

[Regantor]

Jang's deadened reflexes were a little too slow, and did little to block the oncoming slap.

Of course, all of the writhing fishgirl's bravado dissappeared at the slightest application of pain, and had her blubbering like a child in seconds. The knife in the shoulder was no fluke. Jang just had no concept of self-control or pride. -and no concept of racism, but certainly enough of a history of being taken advantage of to let it blur her barely-existant judgment.

"J-j-aj-jang s-sorry! No hit, no h-hit..." She cowered and covered her head, letting out a garbled, paniced tone. "Jang will be nice for an-nah but no hit... p-please!..."

[Kodos]

Annah softened and leaned over towards Jang, wrinkling her nose at the Mermaid's foul stench. "Oh, hey," she had a brief coughing fit. "Look... I'm sorry. I -" another fit "- I know you didn't, ugk, didn't mean it."

"Now kiss and make out! I mean up!" Came a drunken cry that Annah shot down with a hard glare. "Come on. Zach tells me we're shipping out again tomorrow. We're going to give you a bath, and and then I'm going to take you around town and everyone won't be able to resist what a pretty Mermaid Jang is." Annah said, forcing a smile before standing up straight and taking a deep breath of fresh air.

Fresh of course, being a relative term. The bar, like most of Latoti, stunk of fish, cheep booze, and more than a hint of vomit, piss, and in the nastier places, shit and sex. But it was a generalized, dispersed, miasma, as opposed to the concentrated density of Jang's uber-funk.

[Regantor]

Jang was backing away with a tremendous grimace, and still on the verge of tears before hearing the word 'pretty'. It was probally fortunate that Annah did not say anything that would make the merperson sound worse off otherwise, because Jang was very much a glutton for free stuff as much as she was a self-important little fish monster.

New words were mouthed, but none made it all of the way out. She looked over to a member of the jeering crowd, then down into the floor. The faint squeeks continued. Every once and a while, a quick glance was given to Annah, as if the woman was supposed to understand. A nod. Just one. Was she agreeing?

After a while she made a trip to the bar, and returned with a drink that might well have been called 'something expensive', and handed it to Annah with a miming action for her to consume it. It was blue. There were far too many little umbrellas in it.

The dancer could have sworn she caught another half-mumbled string of words.

It sounded like "Not hate."

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

Groh watched the hot piece of ass and his merlady companion from his cosy seat near the musicians at the back of the bar. It wasn't until Annah slapped Jang, full throttle, in the face that he showed particular interest in their discussion. It was a little odd to see his companion blubber at the slap she had received, but he had always suspected that most of Jang's character was bravado. Although a decent fighter and a loyal comrade, and someone who would take an arrow to the throat without so much as a wimper, he had always suspected that if she were hurt with any degree of intent to attack her emotionally, she would collapse like a house of cards. Groh felt nothing at the sight of being proved right. Every man, woman and child of every race and species he had ever met had been the same, a scared little emotional mannequin. A mannequin that could paint itself any colour it wanted, and with all the paint in all the worlds to allow those layers to set as thick as they wished. But beneath that paint was that same old mannequin, untouched, unchanged, just as small, scared and emotional as it always was.

Victims...Aren't we all?

He then heard that this Annah girl wanted to take Jang around town too make her pretty or something like that. This made Groh chuckle within himself. There is a reason why polishing a turd is completely futile.

He finished his drink then strolled over to their table, interjecting in their moment of awkward silence. He sat down, unannounced, on an available seat and looked directly at Annah as he spoke, a roguish smile across his inebriated face.

'My dear, sweet, soon-to-be-moist cunt, it would be unwise of you, or indeed anyone, to try to change my friend here into something she isn't. Somebody who stinks like a fisherman's dick after a lonely month at sea, would surely wish to remain that way for all her days, since this is all she has known. This way of smelling and this poor command of the common tongue is her way of being, and I for one find it charming.' He slapped his massive, ape-like paw down on Jang's hand in a 'matey' way. 'Change ain't good for most, my little stiff-nippled maiden.'

He turned away from Annah and stretched out his arms, looking between the two of them as he spoke. 'Why don't we celebrate this new period of non-change with a few dozen beers, hey? I'll even let you buy your own, hows that?'

[Kodos]

Annah smiled at Jang and took the drink before giving the Hadozee a shrug. "Did you know that if a shark stops moving, it dies? Life is change." She laughed and smiled though. "And no one can make someone into something they're not. We're not things. People, that is. Our lives are our own." She smiled at Jang and gave the merlady a wink. "Right, Jang?"

[Regantor]

"R-r-r-right, hear? Old J-J-Jang was pre-tteey w-when had eye both face same and w-was not lined, I was, h-hear?" Jang spoke as if she was planting some great pearl of wisdom alongside the insight of the other two, through she was still a bit shaky and her entire body seemed to bob up and down with effort upon each syllable. The rudimentary fishgirl made it obvious with her face that she didn't really understand what the other two were trying to say, however, and probably just wanted to feel involved. "But still good because people scare of Jang and not fight and funny and sometimes-think-rob-but-not-even-if-then-maybe-do-because-not-good! But not, hear, like Annah, who not, or Groh, who... more is... hear? Right?"

She wasn't really sure which part of Groh to return the affectionate part towards, either, so she just stroked his face.

But then Annah was left out.

So she stroked the dancer's face too.

Then, she did it some more. She really liked doing that.

"Gruh and Annuh are friends and scary and good look and Jang do likeee!~"

[Kodos]

Annah gave a confused smile and shrugged. "C'mon, Jang, let's get you that bath 'fore I get too drunk to remember what I'm s'posed to be doing." she smiled taking Jang by the hand and leading her out, giving Groh a bit of a 'hair' tussle and bumping her lovely bum into him. "And you can keep on dreaming about me." She laughed with a wink.

Nobody liked to see Annah go, but it was fun watching her leave.

***

Annah ended up taking Jang to a 'tavern' she used to dance at and where she was still friends with most of the working girls. Apparently they were either really good friends with Annah, or maybe they owed her favors, because they were willing to chip in as Annah did her best to give the struggling and fighting Jang-thing a bath.

***

"There! Don't you feel good, Jang?" Annah smiled at Jang who was all dried off and clothed. "You smell good too!" She smiled, which is to say Jang smelled like Annah, which is to say she smelled like a cheap pirate whore who wore too much perfume, but given what Jang smelled like normally, 'burning abattoir' would have been a marked improvement in the odor department.

[Regantor]

Jang just sat there, looking terrified, doing a remarkably good job of curling that nearly five-foot tail into the towels that were given to her. It wasn't that she was afraid of being seen naked; It was fear of what evil foam potion that Annah was planning on dunking her into next...

"...J-j-jan j-jang h-have clovez bak noaw plees?..."

Every once and a while she coughed and heaved forward a little, the result of trying to inhale pure jangwater through the gills on her back. She didn't like peoplez looking at her 'lined-up not openin' eye, without the patch, either.

"...A-annnar, and why you make me smell like a foods... h-hear?..."

A polished faye good-smelling thing she was, but merbarbarian was still miserable about it.

[Kodos]

"We... uh... we burned your clothes because um.. well we tried cleaning them but the clothes seemed to like... fight back." Annah gave a little laugh and a shrug. "Here. You can put these on. They're one of my friends. I'd lend you some of my clothes but um... I don't think they'd fit. You know." She gave Jang's much smaller chest a point then pointed at her own immense norks. "See?"

She handed Jang a pile of clothes and smiled, giving the mermaid a kiss on the forehead. "Friends?"

[Regantor]

"Yuh, you iz kinda chest-fat..." Jang spoke blankly, not really understanding why they would bother with the effort of replacing her clothes. Old belts and crap were just there because she got yelled at when they wern't. What good would new belts and crap do? "But thanks prezunt."

The kiss made her writhe a bit. Didn't understand that either. This 'being nice to Jang' thing was pretty new. Pretty suspicious. Pretty sneaky. Why did Annah want a Jang freind? What did Jang have except for awesome that she could not give? Even if Annah was being nice was she still being an eviler?

In a spree of motion, she haphazardly threw the large black fabric band-thing around her upper chest, and then rapidly dragged her hair down infront of her sealed-shut eye.

"Frundz with Jang, hear. But only 'cause I am fan-tes-teek and I thinky youz need me be nice you. Hear?"

Oh, right, she was trying to look more confident and cool. Or something.

"Jang will no let bad be fur Annah."

[Kodos]

Annah and Jang spent the rest of the night partying along at the various taverns and brothels which Annah happened to know and frequent.
Annah spent the last few hours of the night with a pair of very handsome young men she met.

Unsurprisingly, Annah spent the majority of the second day in Latoti recovering from the first night.

***

By dawn of the third day, all the cleaning and repair-work on the new ship was complete, and given the lack of complaints from the work-crews, it probably wasn't still haunted or anything.
The crew was on time - given the loose definition that 'on time' had in a society without clocks and when the people in question were pirates - and ready to be told what the crap was going on, who was going where, and what the plans were.

[Superdooperphailmachine]

Zach spent forever assigning the crew to there ships, naming Amanda new captain of the Partido and Jang her first mate. He kept Lacia and Groh with him on the new boat.

Once all the crew had settled in he held an officers meeting.
"Similar plan to last time, but before we head to Tesoro we're going to Aguava to sell our loot and get some new sails for the Máquina. Any problems or questions?"

Who goes where?

BIG BOAT:
Máquina del Misterio
MEDIUM CARACK

Captain Zach
First Mate Groh
Mate Lacia
Musician Annah
Anna Marie, Warrior
Nina, Warrior
Pirate Steve, Warrior
Tom Bonne, Warrior
28 loading dudes
12 artillerists
4 siege operators
1 Cook
Healer
14 Deckhands
4 Warriors
5 Lookouts

LITTLE BOAT:
Nave del Partido
HEAVY BRIGANTINE

Captain Amanda
First Mate Jang
Cook Dave Taylor
Doctor Sherman Rhodes
4 Warriors
Performer
6 Artillerists
2 Siege Operators
5 Lookouts
14 Weapon Loaders
7 Deckhands
Any issues? bring them up with Zach.

[Sylux]

"I've not really much to sell, honestly. Not much to buy, and even less to buy with, anyways. All in all, I'm well-settled and ready to depart," said Lacia to his Cap'n. "I've yearned to set sail once again, wholly and honestly. If it isn't too great a deal, might I stand watch tonight? I'll have my few hours of rest before the fall into dusk and have guard into the stillness. I've been needing a few hours of alone time with the sea for some time, now."

[Regantor]

Squirming thing was in a good mood. It had a trident and a new net-harness and everything. It said Annah said she was 'a catch'.

"Sorry cap-tin Zak, hear... Ur not my first mate... Maybeez Annur ore maybeez-maybeez Lackia, probz..." It spoke sympathetically, whilst also using it's ocean-sized gob to messily devour a large meat and gravy pie. "You cannot be having three stabber cuz I got three stabber for use in stabbin ovur menz who wants get me like ovur fish menz with three-stabber oo urt ma shoulderybits, see..."

"You can maybe hav.... no, you can no pie have... I be eaten, and I gone it, hear..."

"What's a 'sails'?"

[Harvester_Of_Sorrow]

'We're Aguava bound, Captain. Now lets get the fuck out of here before that whore from last night follows me back to port.'

Groh was smoking a make shift cigarette constructed from a rolled up lilly-pad and containing various by-products of various tobacco plants that had been imported from various islands. It was a good cigarette.

[Superdooperphailmachine]

And so Zach and friends set sail for Aguava.
The winds were blowing favourably and the crews managed to reach land in a little under a day and a half.
Zach let most of the crew off to do whatever while he and Annah spent a couple days selling the goods the Maquina was carrying. He also put an order in for some cotton sails, which would make the Maquina go faster.

[Regantor]

Today, Jang learnt what the word "Aforo-tee" meant.

Half wanting to impress Annah, and half because she basically lived in the ship's garbage, the fish thingy ordered a large space to be cleared in the waste room for bathing.

"Baff-ing impotunt cuas you are all an ugly Annah said." It decreed. Like, litterally held people down until they listened. Sometimes with extra ear biting, sometimes not. Damn eel-thing-with-boobs was putting on muscle since Zach let her control the food. "I controlz the feeds so I am impur-tant and know what good, hearing? You stinky stinky badness no good and get baff alot or not be good 'cause Annah say."

Promoting hygine is good, right?

Not when the bath tub is constantly occupied by a trash-munching mermaid with brain function issues.

The deck hands made very... interesting noises when ordered to scrub her back.

Jang's noises, in return, were not interesting. They were more like highly disturbing. :/