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ram
06-18-2011, 11:54 PM
ok i'm just trying to make a prologue and this is my first time doing it..(i just did it cause i'm bored)

in the beginning there were three deities that rule this world, the deity of knowledge "Sodic", the deity of control "Excel" and the deity of power "Sky"

although Sky cannot contain his power within his body so their father(the god who created their world) extracted his power from his body and gave it to the world until Sky's body is ready..

from his power the world born humans with special abilities and they were called Sky descendants(i may change this name)


when their father left the world to go make some other worlds, Sodic foreseen something in the future and starts killing sky descendants without telling his brothers the reason why.. he made special weapons and gave it to humans and form a powerful army more powerful than that of all sky descendants combined..

Excel was furious and so he declared a war as well.. but of-course he lost and died even with his powers he's no match for Sodic..

Sky doesn't care of whatever Sodic was doing, because he trust Sodic and still believes that he has a reason for doing so but when the time he herd excel was killed he then thinks that maybe Sodic is just doing everything for his own benefit and so joined the war against him.. but Sodic just played around with sky and didn't see him as a threat..

Sky then used the power of ability canceller on his body that his Father warned not to use..... after that Sodic became really afraid it's because his knowledge can't go through him.. sodic shakes and can't move... it's the first time that he does not know something.. while sodic can't move Sky managed to stab his heart(like a vampire lol :cat_wahaha: )

anyway the reason Sodic did those things is because he loved the world and foreseen in his power that the world will be ruled by Sky descendants and humans will be enslaved by them... and the bringer of destruction "Karma" will come because of the Sky descendants, (Sodic revealed it in his last breath)


well the adventure here is for Sky to gather all of the abilities from the sky descendants using his power of taking them(the ability ascender)

6000 years passed and Sky meet Samantha Rodwel a girl with the power of controlling the wind...
little did Samantha know that Sky was the one who killed her in her past life..
and Sky was really shocked at the moment that he noticed that the ability users that Sodic killed back then is all being reincarnated..

how will Sky take all the abilities before the world becomes of what Sodic foreseen

http://www.mangatutorials.com/file/pic/photo/2011/05/ramiel-page-1-almost-done.jpg?t=4dfd81f0e7094

I'll update this.. i'm not good at summarizing that's why my sentence is bad... either that or i'm not good at english at all

Fenn
07-04-2011, 09:30 PM
Aw, no replies yet? I'll jump in. Also, did I ever mention I LOVE your art.

The prologue sounds good, a bit cliche but intriguing. You lost me when you introduced Samantha. What past life?

ram
07-05-2011, 02:22 AM
Samantha is a reincarnation of a girl who loved Sodic... when she saw Sky killed Sodic.... she was very furious and fought Sky and wanted to kill him.. then Sky was forced to kill Samantha... (you could say they are childhood friends or something)

she's the short haired girl in that pages in the critique corner... although right about now i changed her character design..
I already finished this in side view and back view but my illuststudio crashed... i am so anoyed that i don't want to continue finishing this...
but here is the base picture of her...
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/characterdesignng.jpg

still thinking of hair accessory though

Fenn
07-05-2011, 10:31 AM
She's gorgeous. And now it makes sense, although I would never have figured any of that out before!

So are you going to continue the story? I'm interested, especially seeing the few pages in Critique corner. You should post the finished ones in here so people can start reading it!

Also, if you give her an accessory, there's the option it could double as either weapon or an important plot device. Just suggestions though.

ram
07-05-2011, 06:39 PM
And now it makes sense, although I would never have figured any of that out before!

sorry about that... i told you i'm not good at summarizing


So are you going to continue the story? I'm interested, especially seeing the few pages in Critique corner. You should post the finished ones in here so people can start reading it!

yeah but there are a lot of things i need to fix before i do that... i changed the basic character design in all of the characters so i'm going to have to edit all of it! and my speech bubbles and figures are wrong... so basically i'm gonna have to rewrite most of it..


Also, if you give her an accessory, there's the option it could double as either weapon or an important plot device. Just suggestions though.

yeah i already thought of that... Sodic created some weapons and some special accessory... so ofcourse it's impossible for her not get one...
although i'm still thinking of putting some accessory that are just for design of character with no special things

Fenn
07-06-2011, 04:41 PM
Naturally not every accessory needs an importance.

As for summarizing, you did a fine job, you just need to be wary of when new characters are introduced, and how much info you want to divulge about them.

kine
07-06-2011, 04:42 PM
i like it ramiel

ram
07-07-2011, 10:34 AM
alright after i finish the character design i'll post it here right away and introduce all of the character(although i still have problem on clothes designing so that might take a while)

tagYURIT
07-25-2011, 08:06 AM
wew

MiguelAndrew
07-30-2011, 07:00 AM
nice one ramiel :cat_thumbsup:. I like your prologue story, (its just like mine hahaha, just kidding) but different in many sense. I'm reading The belgariad by David Eddings (very nice story). :monkey_fire:

ram
07-31-2011, 10:05 AM
actually i've been thinking that maybe this type of story has it's own illegal issues, cause i made gods at the story that doesn't exist in any type of myth around the world. so right now i don't know if i should continue this cause i don't know yet the rules or what type of story does any production accept.

Slurpee
08-04-2011, 01:58 PM
Oh man I can't believe I didn't check your thread earlier.
I've become a fan :D

ram
08-04-2011, 03:58 PM
hehe thanks. =D

Fenn
08-08-2011, 06:12 PM
actually i've been thinking that maybe this type of story has it's own illegal issues, cause i made gods at the story that doesn't exist in any type of myth around the world. so right now i don't know if i should continue this cause i don't know yet the rules or what type of story does any production accept.

IDK where you live, but I would think you would get in more trouble if the gods DID exist in some form of active religion, because it could "offend" people of that religion.

ram
08-08-2011, 06:29 PM
oh your right. well i seen and read some manga that they include gods in budism or stuffs that is in religion. and there is ao no exorcist, so right now i'm kinda confused, I might be stupid on basing the rules based on what i see.

sajin
09-12-2011, 07:53 AM
Very well thought mythology. Simple but with endless possibilities of development. I like it.
You have also good art. One point though. I think that colouring your art makes it seem of lower quality than it really is. If you used copic markers of water colours then it may be better, perhaps?

Matt
09-25-2011, 10:05 PM
I think, for fantasy readers, the type of god or the actual existence of said god doesn't matter much, if at all. The majority of fantasy uses gods the author made up on the spot (obvious exception of Narnia).

Don't worry about the little stuff. Just write what you want to write. Rest assured that the type of people who take offense to a fictional deity being used in a fictional story are those who probably don't have much experience with fiction.

@Fenn - I think the only people who would be offended by their god being portrayed in a manga are the extremists of any religion. I don't know any Christians who were offended by Chrono Crusade or To Aru Majutsu no Index. The worst I saw was a girl who was wary of demons in the former. In any case, Ram has nothing to worry about.

--

The actual content looks nice. As usual for you, the art is excellent. I'll post a proper critique next update if I can.

Oh, and by the way (off-topic question) . . .:
I think it was you who said something about a manga awhile back. It had this guy as the hero whose daughters came from the future to make sure they would actually be born. He had to decide which of his girlfriends to hook up with, but the daughter of the one he didn't eventually screw would die. It was very ecchi. The guy was a prick and the girls were cute lolis. What was that called? I can't find it anywhere in my history.

ram
09-25-2011, 11:14 PM
thanks matt, I'm doing the character designs now for this manga, I guess there's nothing for me to doubt now with what you said.
I'll definitely continue this. oh and the tittle of the that manga is Yomeiro Choice

tagYURIT
09-26-2011, 12:21 AM
yeah. .Yomeiro Choice. .but i dont like the story. .the art is cool. .but the paneling j my brain. .ugh. .T.T

GAbRieLWrIgHt
10-23-2011, 12:30 AM
this is really good...i like it ram.

GAbRieLWrIgHt
11-17-2011, 11:46 PM
MAKE SOME MORE CHAPTERS!!!!!!!! Pretty pweez wit a cherry on top? :cat_pweeese:

ram
11-06-2012, 04:03 AM
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=464380306946623&set=a.464380213613299.117030.100001239726759&type=1&relevant_count=4

Don't know where to host it yet.
So feel free to read it on my fb, also if your going to add me on my facebook be sure to introduce ya selves.

Edit:
I tried to avoid fighting scenes as much as I can cause I'm not good at those types of things yet, but in chapter 2 I was pretty much struggling to make those shits

Matt
11-06-2012, 11:01 AM
Hey, you're alive.

I'll read this as soon as I'm out of class.

EDIT: Read it. Here's what I thought.

Page 8: Candy reacts way too dramatically in the last panel. Is reincarnation that mind-blowing to her?

Page 10: Candy is apparently a dumb nerd. So why is she so serious about this random mythology trip?

Page 12: There've been little spelling and grammar errors scattered all over the place so far, but "interacted with her" is just about the strangest word choice I've seen in a long time.

Also on page 12, in the second and third panels, you may want to change the tone of the girls' clothes just a bit so they're easier to see against the background. Either that or change the background a bit.

Page 22: Why does Candy equate a serious expression with hiding something?

Also, what in the world is Candy going on about? Marissa talked about reincarnation, and somehow Candy knows she's reincarnated? Yeah, it's obvious that she is, but how in the world did an off-handed line about mythology--which, by definition, is not true--convince her that she's special?

Page 23: Ah, this explains a bit. Still, how does she know that's where her wind power came from? She says, "too soon to believe in a theory," but it's really obvious that the theory is correct. Maybe to shake things up a bit you could remove the prologue sequence in the beginning and then offer up some more theories and have Candy try to figure out which one is real?

Page 29: That kid looks just a wee bit old to be ten.

Page 31: What Candy reveals in the fourth panel is actually a fairly decent backstory. But why tell us it rather than show us Candy being conflicted over talking to people? She also talked to Sophie pretty easily, and if her emotions weren't strong then, when would they be?

Page 38: Seeing your parents dead IS traumatizing. So much, in fact, that 100% of kids who see a parent die get PTSD. I'd have to assume Marissa has it, and now I expect it to show.

Page 39: Yeah. Like that. It's not usually that extreme, but I can believe it in this case. The gunshot wound doesn't really look like a gunshot wound, though. It looks like a bruise. Also, you may want to look up what it feels like to be shot. I don't think Candy would be have a straight face after that.

Here's some references to save you some search time:

It's not the impact of the bullet that hurts so much but the smoldering hot lead burning underneath the skin.
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-Been-Shot/503103

Mileage varies, depending on where you're hit, what calibre, and unknowns, but it's typical to feel a thump as it enters your body, but not much pain at first. The pain comes on slowly, and can get very intense even for a flesh wound.

I had a GF who worked in a big city emergency room, and I used to hang out with her some nights. One guy came in who was shot, and very cool and macho about it, like he didn't feel a thing. After a while, he was howling in pain.

Bullets are VERY hot when they are fired. I fired a .22 round into some sand and picked it out, and it was hot enough to blister my finger.


Page 40: Yeah, way too straight-faced after taking the bullet. The first few panels are all right, but then she just settles down and keeps talking. Again, doesn't look like a bullet wound.

-

Overall, despite the implied serious nature of the story, it feels kind of fluffy, and it wasn't any one thing that created that feeling. Candy's reactions to everything, the way the blood is drawn, how the camera doesn't show any direct, dynamic action sequences (Candy and Sophie crashing into each other, Candy being shot), and the stereotypical prologue/epilogue sections that pull away from the main cast to show more important people talking about more important things all contribute to a manga that feels--well, like a manga.

That's not a bad thing, necessarily, because it's a manga. It just feels like a generic urban fantasy with nothing unique to make it truly great. You've got all the basics down: good art, paneling and dialogue balloons that let the reader's eye flow from one to the other in the proper order, and a decent story and characters. There's really nothing inherently wrong with generic manga. People will still read it and people will still like it. If you want to be truly exceptional, however, you'll have to do something that's rarely, if ever been done before, or you'll have to do the same thing everyone else is doing, but on a much higher level.

Also, spelling and grammar. I know you're not a native English speaker, so I could help with that if you'd like.

ram
11-06-2012, 06:50 PM
That comment hurts me so much Matt, it's really straight through the heart like your piercing me with a big drill really slow!

Let's see,

on page 8 I just have to change her reactions right?
on page 10 I just have to change her description and remove the dumb nerd..
page 12 I really don't know the choice of words.. but I'll try to make another script for that part.
page 22, Actually it is history on that world about those perfect beings and stuffs.... the only unkown part about her that she discovered is that sky-descendants are being reincarnated...


page 23... you mean remove page 22 and add another page after this page?
page 29 Is he? I'll try to see what I can do... I really thought I'm good at drawing lolis >_>
page 31: I'll reveal those in her back story in chapter 2, apparently she's not afraid to die and hates the world as it is.. because of what happened to her in childhood days where she almost killed her new born brother, that's why she locked her emotions

page 39: oh man... I wish I read those sooner..
page 40: Yeah, I just noticed.... I'll take that in mind.

Thanks a lot for a critique, I've already noticed that the plot on chapter 1 was really weird but it's imposible to change now unless I re-draw all of them, but if you have suggestions like "take off this page and add another page like this" I'll gladly take those advice

I'll be honored to have you help me with those things, I hope it's not too much of a bother though.
Grammars was always my problems from the start

Matt
11-07-2012, 01:01 PM
on page 8 I just have to change her reactions right?
Yes. If not, then Marissa's dialogue there should really be extraordinary in order to evoke a dramatic reaction.


on page 10 I just have to change her description and remove the dumb nerd..
No. I actually perceived her as a sort of dumb nerd ("dumb" meant in the kindest of ways) from the get-go, and throughout most of the chapter, that's what she feels like. It felt inconsistent that she'd be so happy-go-lucky, then be completely broody and serious about some power that is actually pretty cool. I have no idea why that power depresses her, and for that matter, why great powers seem to depress a lot of power users in urban fantasy.

On this point, just make her character more consistent. She can and should have serious spells, but being serious about having superpowers? I don't know this character as well as you do, but to me, it seems like she'd find them pretty darn cool.


page 12 I really don't know the choice of words.. but I'll try to make another script for that part.
I'll help you out on this kind of thing if you're fine with me proofreading and editing. I'll explain it more later, but generally, any form of "interacted" sounds academic, and is rarely used in casual conversation. Generally. Don't quote me on that.


page 22, Actually it is history on that world about those perfect beings and stuffs.... the only unkown part about her that she discovered is that sky-descendants are being reincarnated...
That makes more sense. It was the history section, after all (but then Candy implies it's not?).


page 23... you mean remove page 22 and add another page after this page?
No. I suggested removing the prologue and casting some uncertainty on the origin of Candy's powers in order to make the plot less clear-cut and generic. I hate suggesting page removals, because each page, I know, is hours of time spent--however your prologue not only features non-main characters, but it also lays out the truth of your story's universe right from the start. That makes history/mythology/theory discussion kind of boring, since the reader already knows it.


page 29 Is he? I'll try to see what I can do... I really thought I'm good at drawing lolis >_>
Boys and girls are entirely different creatures, at least physically. Just because you're good at drawing lolis doesn't mean that'll easily transfer to shota. For the record, he looked about Candy's age. Didn't look bad, mind you. Just didn't look ten.


page 31: I'll reveal those in her back story in chapter 2, apparently she's not afraid to die and hates the world as it is.. because of what happened to her in childhood days where she almost killed her new born brother, that's why she locked her emotions
I'd tread very carefully using a character with locked emotions (and, again, what about her fawning over Sophie?). Generally, emotionless, or characters with limited emotion, tend to be unlikable, and you generally want your protagonist to be likable. A little example below that may get lengthy:
I try not to talk about my own work much, but it's the best example I could think of. About halfway through my main story, my protagonist acquires PTSD. One of the many facets of PTSD is a lack of emotions, or at least of positive emotions, a lack of love for previous loved ones, etc. This, in real life, is horrifying and sad. In my book, all it did was make my heroine, who was always a happy type, even more unlikable. So, exploring the disorder some more, I selected different triggers and different reactions and rewrote the scenes that gave her PTSD. I did this so that she could keep her emotions, which are vital in making a likable character. Those emotions turned extreme, she became bipolar, susceptible to outbursts of all kinds, generally irrational, jumpy, and afraid to let anyone touch her.
Candy locking her emotions away is actually feasible. In fact, it makes a large amount of sense. Just be very careful with it. I deemed myself not skilled enough a writer to make my heroine perpetually depressed and still likable, so I changed her. You seem to be on the right track, giving her at least surface-level emotions. Again, just be careful.


page 39: oh man... I wish I read those sooner..
page 40: Yeah, I just noticed.... I'll take that in mind.
Another thing to consider is the noise. In manga, guns go bang and that's that, but guns are very, very loud, and being around them while they're being fired constantly will almost certainly result in hearing loss. Yes, a lot of media ignores this and does just fine, and your manga can too. If you want to take a dose of realism, though, that's something to consider.

If guns aren't banned in your country, I'd say get out to a range and pop a few rounds. It really helps with research--the best writing is done from experience, after all.

I don't have much time to myself anymore, but proofreading hardly takes any time, and I enjoy it anyway. So if you want help, just upload the files to Mediafire or something and send them my way via PM.

ram
11-07-2012, 07:24 PM
Yes. If not, then Marissa's dialogue there should really be extraordinary in order to evoke a dramatic reaction.


Got it, I'll make it straight face instead.


No. I actually perceived her as a sort of dumb nerd ("dumb" meant in the kindest of ways) from the get-go, and throughout most of the chapter, that's what she feels like. It felt inconsistent that she'd be so happy-go-lucky, then be completely broody and serious about some power that is actually pretty cool. I have no idea why that power depresses her, and for that matter, why great powers seem to depress a lot of power users in urban fantasy.

On this point, just make her character more consistent. She can and should have serious spells, but being serious about having superpowers? I don't know this character as well as you do, but to me, it seems like she'd find them pretty darn cool.

She was like that at age 4 though, And I already did thought about putting a lot of power-user who thinks really high of themselves, In fact that's one of the main problem of the world that the protagonist is trying to solve because power-users will one day enslave humans.


I'll help you out on this kind of thing if you're fine with me proofreading and editing. I'll explain it more later, but generally, any form of "interacted" sounds academic, and is rarely used in casual conversation. Generally. Don't quote me on that.


do you want the manga studio file?.... it's pretty big so I'll just send you the manga pages in png and script in microsoft word.


(but then Candy implies it's not?).
I probably wont make a backstory of where that book came from or maybe I will if I have time, the author of that book is already dead, because Feyd Kadena(the guy who holds their world) doesn't want to disclose any information towards the reincarnation, that's why he made it look like the book is just a nonsense.


No. I suggested removing the prologue and casting some uncertainty on the origin of Candy's powers in order to make the plot less clear-cut and generic. I hate suggesting page removals, because each page, I know, is hours of time spent--however your prologue not only features non-main characters, but it also lays out the truth of your story's universe right from the start. That makes history/mythology/theory discussion kind of boring, since the reader already knows it.


I see... so I just have to make sure that there's no uncertain origins... but I guess there's nothing I can do about it now at this point since I already made it like that.. I'll just try not to make the same mistake next time.


Boys and girls are entirely different creatures, at least physically. Just because you're good at drawing lolis doesn't mean that'll easily transfer to shota. For the record, he looked about Candy's age. Didn't look bad, mind you. Just didn't look ten.
I did try fix it, don't know if it made any better though since I just made the neck thinner.


'd tread very carefully using a character with locked emotions (and, again, what about her fawning over Sophie?). Generally, emotionless, or characters with limited emotion, tend to be unlikable, and you generally want your protagonist to be likable. A little example below that may get lengthy:
SPOILER! :

Candy locking her emotions away is actually feasible. In fact, it makes a large amount of sense. Just be very careful with it. I deemed myself not skilled enough a writer to make my heroine perpetually depressed and still likable, so I changed her. You seem to be on the right track, giving her at least surface-level emotions. Again, just be careful.


When she was fawning over Sophie, She not really using entirely her emotions, I tend to show expression like I'm happy go lucky myself sometimes, even though I'm not really enjoying anything but just want to show everyone that I'm enjoying myself. I'm sure most people like me who undergo a lot of changes in personality already know it.


I don't have much time to myself anymore, but proofreading hardly takes any time, and I enjoy it anyway. So if you want help, just upload the files to Mediafire or something and send them my way via PM.
I'll just edit it one last time before I send the script and the pages, I'm really thankful for you helping me like this, You can ask me anything in return if you want(except for money OTL)

EDIT:Message just came your way

Matt
11-09-2012, 02:53 PM
Got the message. I'm about 75% done editing, and I'll have a line-by-line critique ready next time I get to a WiFi hotspot.

ram
11-10-2012, 01:32 AM
Many thanks again, Anyway... I think you'll explain this to me in the line-by-line critique but just in-case.
You see I'm not really familiar with Narrations. My friend told me that the narrator should always talk in past tense, even if it's happening in the present.

I'm really confused with this, Since my manga is 1st person narration (Mainly Candy) Does this rule still apply? I think what my friend was talking about is for 3rd person.

I don't know much about writing but I don't want to read a lot books about it, I just want enough info about narration.

Matt
11-11-2012, 06:53 PM
I finished the critique. Check your messages.

As for narration, I'd have to see some examples off what you're saying to be sure, but I'm fairly sure your friend is wrong. I'm not sure if I said anything about it in the critique, but:

First-person, past tense: I wondered what was happening, so I approached the building.
First-person, present tense: I wonder what's happening over there. I should investigate.
Third-person, past tense: She wondered what was happening, so she approached the building.
Third-person, present tense: She wonders what's happening, and thinks she should investigate.

All four of these are correct. It's all a matter of what style you want for your story. If you want the readers to have a sense that stuff is happening right now, then present tense may be a good choice. It also slightly increases reader immersion if done right, as they're experiencing things at the same time as the characters. Your friend isn't completely wrong--as a general guideline, you're supposed to default to past-tense unless you have a good reason. However, that's a guideline for novels and short stories. Not comics.

Just remember, whichever you pick, be consistent.

If I'm being too confusing, I'll edit some panels and give a visual example.

Evil_Cake
11-13-2012, 04:53 PM
all I can see is 1 page o_O

Matt
11-13-2012, 05:20 PM
Click "next" in the upper right corner. It took me awhile too.

ram
11-21-2012, 06:52 AM
Apparently if your not login in facebook, there's no next botton...
I'll try to finish the editing and paste them all here from photobucket.

Haven't done editing the phone Matt mention, and I'm so embarrassed to show =///=

Blazer64
11-21-2012, 10:15 AM
I really enjoyed that chapter, the plot is intriguing & the art is well executed overall. I'm probably considered a novice in this field (bare with me), but I'd have to agree with Matt on a few points (you've probably already corrected these by now :p), Though I could understand where the dialogue was heading, there was the odd section or two where the grammar (more so than the spelling imo) caused some slight confusion; the gunshot wound and reaction to it, I felt were unrealistic, to the point where it seemed under-exaggerated if you will. I'm a bit unsure on the other things that were covered, but those were the things that caught my attention. Other than that, I'm impressed and inspired by this, keep going with it :D :cat_thumbsup:

ram
11-21-2012, 11:21 PM
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.473019612749359.118815.100001239726759&type=3
On second thought, I'm too lazy to paste the link one by one so I uploaded the edited version on my fb again >_>
Thanks Blazer64, My literature skills aren't really as good as Matt, But hopefully I'll get better on that by reading story books.(Otherwise I wouldn't be able to draw manga without Matt so I really need to study)

I never thought about character voices before, And I'm really thankful for Matt for pointing that out.
@Matt, I didn't use all of the blue ones, cause there's some stuffs that they said that will connect on the other chapters, But you really did figure out what my character personalities are at first glance, As expected from a writer, I have so much to learn from you!

I'll hold Greater Mythology for now, I plan to make a one-shot story and apply in Anthology Manga magazines.

ram
12-02-2012, 09:09 AM
I've come to a realization that I can't make a one-shot that is 23 pages that is good enough. >_>
If I really want to make a one-shot, I want greater mythology but apparently no matter how much I summarize I can't make it 23 pages.
Any body want to team up with me?
Well-- Another story I mean, though if you want greater mythology then I'm fine with it--
Anyway here's the story board
It's Left-right this time


http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0001.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0002.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0003.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0004.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0005.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0006.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0007.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0008.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0009.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0010.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0011.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0012.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0013.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0014.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0015.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0016.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0017.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0018.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0019.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0020.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0021.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0022.png
http://i1225.photobucket.com/albums/ee388/skyramiel/AP-comicsone-shot0023.png

theAnimeRebel
12-04-2012, 08:19 PM
Wow.. that's... extensive.

I didn't read through any of your stuff though. Why? Well, it didn't grab me... there was no reason for me to read. Here lies your problem. You have created a great prologue for something... but who wants to read through a prologue? There needs to be conflict, a problem, something that grabs the reader. And if stuff is too confusing/complicated at the beginning, then skip it.

My advice? Trim. What doesn't your story need? Give us (the readers) something... nay, someone to care about. A one shot is possible... but only through characters and their (smaller) problems. Maybe you can give us a story of conflict without having to explain an entire universe.

Just some thoughts.

(BTW, that's a story board!?!?!? Holy Cow, looks like my finished pencils!)

ram
12-04-2012, 09:25 PM
What story are you referring to? the one in the fb? or the storyboard?
Also I don't do finished pencils, I line the storyboard and detail everything in line, too much detailing on sketches is really a pain

theAnimeRebel
12-04-2012, 09:38 PM
hmm, well... I didn't see the one in fb so. The storyboard one.

ram
12-04-2012, 10:42 PM
This is originally a flash-back on my main script manga and also the whole point and heart of the story event, so I thought it would be best summarize this part and make it a one-shot.

even if I skip on the beginning of the universe and stuffs(this story is complex cause the whole point of it is mythology), how am I suppose to make a conflict? If I make a conflict, I have to make a villain and the reason why that villain is bad, the reason why the main character is good, the victims and what began it all.

Also I doubt anyone would want to read just conflict, I have to clear the relationship of the characters as well.
In any case I don't think I can make it 23 pages, I have to look for another publisher I guess

theAnimeRebel
12-05-2012, 02:25 PM
Why 23? Most publishers in America publish in 16 or 32 page segments. (Unless you've already found a publisher or something)
If your looking for publishing and don't have a publisher... then I would suggest revising the concept and finding a contract before getting too serious.

But I think your idea can be turned into gold here, if you don't have your heart on giving up.

Conflict doesn't mean you need a villian/badguy vs. goodguy, it just means you have two opposing forces with a common goal. This is universal storytelling. They could be two goodguys, two villians, whatever. Conflict doesn't mean "physical confrontation" i.e. "fight" either. It could be an argument, it could be a silent dilema.

But whatever you choose you have to be hard on yourself. Ask yourself, "Why would anyone want to read MY story." If you don't have a compelling answer to that question, then you don't have a story that needs to be told. (...yet, that's the beautiful thing about progress. ;) )

ram
12-06-2012, 07:28 AM
Fine, I'm going to accept this as a piece of shit and try to make a better one, though I'm not going to give up on Greater Mythology that easy. I love this story better than anything.

Also I don't live in america, but do tell me the name of the publishers that publishes 30 pages in anthology or some comic magazines cause I want to apply there.

theAnimeRebel
12-06-2012, 01:27 PM
I know there is Tokyopop and Dark Horse Manga that feature professional, Western artists... original English works and stuff translated from French and German. However, these are only for professionals.

My advice would be to find a small, independent publishing company that would be willing to feature the work of a first timer. You'll have to do some kicking around on this. Look for a company that might not do manga specifically, but comics.

ram
12-06-2012, 07:03 PM
Dammit, And I actually trusted you, You're not very well inform yourself are you?

But yeah I thought of an option of looking for comic publishers.

theAnimeRebel
12-08-2012, 02:08 PM
How hard can it be to do your own research here?


BTW, these companies are US based. Try to find one that is closer to you if you live in another country. You’ll have a better chance publishing where you are first than in a foriegn country. Good luck!

ALC Publishing
Antarctic Press
eigoMANGA
Komikwerks
NDP Comics
Purrsia Press
Radio Comix
Slave Labor Graphics
For more lists of publishers, check out our Resources page.

For words of wisdom, check out Scott Frazier’s page: Jobs in Manga.

Another option to getting published to try out for contests such as TokyoPop’s Rising Stars of Manga Contest. Started in 2002, this is a contest that has grown from US-only submissions to now include the UK. Winning submissions get prize money plus get their work published in a compiled volume called, of course, “Rising Stars of Manga”. Besides getting prize money, publication, and name recognition, you can pitch them a story.

That can be found here: http://www.mangatutorials.com/2004/going-to-a-publisher-who-what-and-where/

ram
12-08-2012, 08:18 PM
This is why I told you that you're not very well informed, I don't really know when was the last time Rio updated those list but one example that closed on submission is Tokyopop.

The fall on Manga industry on 2008 made a really big change in everything which is why almost everyone just head out to webcomics.
Though there are still open publishers but there are still better resources around than here if you use google.

Edit: Also how exactly do you define professionals? what do you mean Tokyopop and Darkhorse are only for professionals?

I know my english isn't that good but please could you explain it to me?

Theorangefox
12-19-2012, 10:29 AM
Hmm, the prologue sounds rather complex to me, needs to be summarised a little more.