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Should M3S1H post a chapter of this daily?
Yes, I would like to see a new installment daily. 67%  67%  [ 2 ]
No, this is horrible. I NEVER want to see it ANYWHERE! 33%  33%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 3
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 Post subject: M3S1H's writing...(Might turn into a series)
PostPosted: Tue Jan 18, 2011 9:35 am 
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It's as the title implies, just a prologue of one of my manga's plot. However, this is the third installment in a series of mangas that I made, so it might be a little strange, but the plot is drastically different than the other installments, so if some things don't really make sense, that's why. So, here it is:

No More Heroes Prologue:
My heart was racing. Ever since I worked in this laboratory, we have tried many different scales of testing and such, however, this was the largest thing to hit the country - no, the world - ever since genetic engineering stepped into the light of reality. With three failures already down, we couldn't afford much more money or time on this project. After two years on this project, our test subject's body took on the form of a fourteen year old, aging seven times as fast as an average human. This proved to lead to an ultimate end in our three other test subjects, aging them to a point where they died too fast - leaving us with only enough money to finish up our current project. "Pull the chords!" exclaimed the head scientist. It was time to awaken the hero of our new generation. What could possibly go wrong? Snatch! Huh? I rotated my head from my work to find a horrific, slaughtered team of scientists. The very sight of the murderer made my heart stop - it was our test subject. He turned his attention to me, and within a blink of my eye, he seemed to teleport in front of me. I was paralyzed with the fear that struck deep into my psyche. With one punch from my test subject, his un-immaculate job came to an end. After that, all I saw was black. Deep, cold, pitch-black...

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 Post subject: Re: M3S1H's writing...(Might turn into a series)
PostPosted: Tue Jan 18, 2011 6:00 pm 
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OHGOD I'm so sorry, I clicked the wrong button on the poll and it won't let me change my vote...;_;
I meant to say that I would like to see an installment of this daily, so far it's very nice and I like the way you write :) please ignore the accidental trolling on the poll. -_-'


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 Post subject: Re: M3S1H's writing...(Might turn into a series)
PostPosted: Tue Jan 18, 2011 6:09 pm 
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Looks interesting. Though looking at the prologue, I can see something you could use some work on. Want me to say?


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 Post subject: Re: M3S1H's writing...(Might turn into a series)
PostPosted: Wed Jan 19, 2011 2:01 am 
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Joined: Tue Aug 24, 2010 5:52 am
Posts: 40
Location: Your Creepy Attic
Gender: Male
Listening To: You While You Snore At Night
Reading: How To Stalk Random People
Eating: Your Soul
Drinking: Your Blood
Playing: Your Video-Games
Ehhh...sure why not? I need criticism.

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 Post subject: Re: M3S1H's writing...(Might turn into a series)
PostPosted: Wed Jan 19, 2011 1:15 pm 
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Joined: Tue Aug 24, 2010 5:52 am
Posts: 40
Location: Your Creepy Attic
Gender: Male
Listening To: You While You Snore At Night
Reading: How To Stalk Random People
Eating: Your Soul
Drinking: Your Blood
Playing: Your Video-Games
Note: I really didn't want to wait for the poll to finish up, so I decided to present the first chapter of No More Heroes. If you like "super-hero" or Jump manga, then you may actually like No More Heroes. If you don't, then you will suffer by reading the work of an amateur's somewhat-Jump-"ish" manga. Proceed with no caution whatsoever. (I was bored and felt like making it long lol)

Chapter One: Awakening.

Killer. Murderer. Blood-lusted animal. These words were imprinted into my mind. For as long as I can remember, I felt these words nagging into my mind. "Monster!" a tiny voice screamed from within my head. What did I do wrong? As I was walking down a local street, my eyes scanned the area. I took in a deep breath, allowing a second to seem like an eternity. I had to think. Think. Think. All I did was follow my instincts. "Beast! Barbarian!" the miniscule voice chimed in. I couldn't take it anymore. I took my right hand, and planted my warm palm on my lower left jaw, leaving me in a "thinker" position. What was it that made the tiny voice scream so loud? What was a murderer? "Slacker." the voice whispered, in a somewhat hushed tone. My mind went blank for a second. Slacker? That word seemed so...familiar. "Slacker." the voice withered. "Agh!" I screamed, clutching the upper portion of my skull with both of my palms. Huh? I turned my attention to the people around me - they all stared at me like I was mentally insane, but something wasn't right. Two things, actually. One was the crowd. Even through their stares, I felt as if one of them was waiting for this to happen. The second was the obvious - the voice. Why did it whisper that word - and why did it sound so familiar? "Life is full of peculiar things." a voice said in a semi-demonic voice. Who was this guy? "My name is Sai." the demonic-voice said again. Hmm. Interesting. Do you have the answers to my questions? There was a long pause this time, just enough so the audience around me could vanish back into their daily routines. The voice picked up again, "I have all the answers." Time to ask another question mentally. Where is your location? "In front of you." the omniscient voice whispered. I turned my attention to plain sight - a view in a straight line with my body - to find a hooded figure. I was sure that was him.

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 Post subject: Re: M3S1H's writing...(Might turn into a series)
PostPosted: Wed Jan 19, 2011 5:32 pm 
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Location: Take a left from Canada. You can't miss it.
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Okay. I don't really have much to crit, but you could work on your detail. You put good suspense, however doesn't take much effect because it goes too quickly. And to form an image inside the readers head is also a good thing about detail.

I like it by the way (:


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