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 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Mon Nov 29, 2010 7:41 pm 
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Interesting story. I don't really have any crits.


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 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Mon Nov 29, 2010 10:01 pm 
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goggy wrote:
Aw... =[ I hope I should feel pleased by that. I can critique this.

'want she wants'... argh. Typo. If I wasn't on my DSi, I would edit that.

I would add a 'down' after settle too.

Bet there's other stuff too. >.< It was hard giving her an accent, the 'she' might have meant the mother or the nameless girl and confused people, it was rushed... lots of things that I bet I haven't touched upon.

EDIT: Crud. The sentence about the supermarket sucks. 'She has to pop to the supermarket more than she would like to restock our kitchen blah blah' would be better.

what was i on.


Beat me to the punch. When I was supposed to do this. ;A;
I love your story though. It was mind blowing. @_@

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 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Mon Nov 29, 2010 10:05 pm 
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Can I join?

Also, if it comes to me and my personal life gets in the way, can I "pass" until next round? I don't want to hold people up. But this seems short enough that I think I can participate.

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 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 12:14 am 
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Oh, goggy. I don't know what to say, because it was good on it's own. D: I liked the idea and the voice of both the narrator and the mother. I think
some parts, like you already said, could have some extra meat to them, but I think it's good on its own. I might have to read it again just to be sure, though.

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 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 5:23 am 
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Thanks for the input guys. :) I didn't have much time to write it so that's probably why it's rushed. x_x

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 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 7:11 pm 
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Fenn is now number 11. And yes we can always skip your turn you need to.


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 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 8:15 pm 
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my name is v i dont remember my real name but that's what the lab men call me , i was ounce a normal person before i was sentence to death for a bomb incident i was implicted in, i dont have a lot of memories of it tho , but i guess it must of been serious the agency that toke me faked my death and toke me to there lab for experiments because apparently i was my blood matched what they needed, i've been living hee ever since not knowing what will happen to me me ...well i guess it's a price to pay for whatever person i was in the past.


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 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 6:58 am 
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...Unless English is your second language, I refuse to even address this furthermore.

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 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 9:48 am 
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it's only one long run-on sentence. it's not really a story. start by breaking it up into shorter sentences and adding some more details. I can't crit this otherwise because it's not even proper English.


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 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 5:08 pm 
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Yeah, they have a point there. Is there any more you can post?


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 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2010 6:25 pm 
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nah


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 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2010 6:29 pm 
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Can I get a prompt?

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 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2010 7:13 pm 
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Sure. Bacon is now number 12 and it is son44's turn.


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 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Sat Dec 04, 2010 7:39 am 
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Oki, i'll post mine soon

Gonna post it on the new forum and this one

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 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Sat Dec 04, 2010 8:08 am 
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May I join the bandwagon?

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