Does it take place in Japan or something? Why does he have an English name and an Asian last name. He means flesh it out. Come up with a plot. Characters. That sort of thing.

I have another manga idea, and that's it I swear. Can't choose which one I like best, so I thought I'd post the other one. Working Title is "Adventure GUILD!!"

*coughs*

Main Characters
Carvan (Male, Fighter/Rogue): Grew up on the border of the Aailt-Anzi Empire and the Free Lands with dreams of adventure.
Aidel (Female, Cleric of Lunbro): The daughter of the King of Versundes and an up and coming priestess of Hydmyra.
Johan (Male, Wizard/Sorcerer): A promising mage in training from the Kingdom of Versundes.

Their are more, but you don't need to know about them yet.

Prologue

Carvan lived with his mother in Disuik (a small town on the border of the Aailt-Anzi Empire and the Free Lands) where she ran an inn. One day when Carvan was 12, soldiers came to town from the Aailt-Anzi Empire’s capital. The soldiers rented out the inn whereupon Carvan met Private Soje. The reason that the soldiers were in town was because they were looking for rebels. As it turns out, Carvan’s mother Mira is an informant who sometimes harbors rebels in her inn. The captain of the group of soldiers finds out, and decides that they should burn the inn down after they go out of town and stay in the forest for a few days. (So if he’s lucky, he might be able to get some more rebels in the fire.) Private Soje hears this plan and is so disgusted he becomes a deserter. Soje takes a horse from the soldier’s camp back into Disuik so that he can warn Carvan and Mira. When he arrives at the inn, he warns them to get out of town as fast as they can. The two comply.
As the trio runs away on horseback, they are stopped by two soldiers. Private Soje fights them, but the other one continues after Carvan and Mira. After Soje deals with the remaining soldier, (by tying him up and knocking him unconscious) he chases after the other soldier. (The scene then changes to Carvan, Mira, and the other soldier). The remaining soldier is fighting with Carvan who is armed with a stick. The soldier then cuts the stick in two and advances on Carvan with a grin on his face. Carvan then kicks him in the groin. The soldier falls back swearing. Caravn tells Mira to run. She doesn’t. The soldier gets back up brandishing his sword. He makes a wild swing and cuts Carvan along the chest. Soje then rides up on his horse and kicks the remaining soldier down. The two then start sword fighting. Soje skillfully deflects several sword swings then retaliates and kills the remaining soldier. Soje then asks Carvan if he’s OK. Carvan then grins but falls down due to his wound. Soje then makes him a bind and ties it around his chest. He then puts Carvan on his horse and Mira and Soje escape.

Arc 1

Chapter 1
Carvan wanders into the desert Kingdom of Versundes. While there, he is arrested for having a sword. Later while in the jail, it is revealed that Princess and priestess Aidel has been kidnapped, so the Prison Guards leave to go to the King. While the guards are out, Carvan escapes.

Chapter 2
While sneaking out of the jail, he is caught by Johan. Johan is a talented wizard in training. He brings him to the King because he is suspicious of Carvan. While confronted by the King, Carvan pleads that he is innocent, and that he can retrieve the princess. Johan laughs at this, and says that he could do much better. The King is advised by his adviser, Snajer that the two should work together to find the princess. Carvan and Johan are both aghast about this, but the Kings word is final. Carvan and Johan are both aghast about this, but the Kings word is final. The two set out and have completely different ideas about how to save the Princess.

Chapter 3
The two argue and bicker and can’t come up with anything. The two do then do some investigation work, and find clues that link back to Snajer. They go to his room, he is not there. In his room, they find plans for entering the dungeon/sewers. They go down into the dungeon/sewer and find something quite disturbing. Snajer, as it turns out is a type of snake-man (called the Snarr-Ling) with very human features. The princess is on an alter where she is to be sacrificed to some God by Snarr-Ling cultists.

Chapter 4
As the two enter the room, the (majority of the) cultists begin to flee deeper into the sewer. Soon there is only Snajer, Carvan, Johan, and the unconscious Aidel. Snajer has a rant of how he was so close to completing his plan and how the boys ruined it all. He then does a weird chant, sliceshis thumb with a knife and a giant snake appears, Johan prepares to cast his most powerful spell to take care of the snake, but Snajer fires a spell at Johan and the snake then comes at Carvan.

Bacon's plot; I'll be honest... This reads exactly like a D&D campaign. Whilst not technically outright bad, it's not all that original, either. Even as a fantasy story, it's just kind of 'vanilla'... All of the characters fill their classes and little else. They don't apparently do much other than thwart general evil.

I wouldn't read it unless you beefed up on the characterizations alot more, at the very least. Give us more grey area! Give us heroes making difficult decisions!

Bacon's plot; I'll be honest... This reads exactly like a D&D campaign. Whilst not technically outright bad, it's not all that original, either. Even as a fantasy story, it's just kind of 'vanilla'... All of the characters fill their classes and little else. They don't apparently do much other than thwart general evil.

I wouldn't read it unless you beefed up on the characterizations alot more, at the very least. Give us more grey area! Give us heroes making difficult decisions!

... >.>

VICTORIAN I SAY!! IDK it just feels like it.

Anyway, I guess it's too much trouble to ask which of my ideas you like best afterall.